[zooloochick21]

I have been with my 35-year-old boyfriend for a little over a year, and we started having sex about 10 months ago. From the very beginning, we had a mind-blowing sex life. I'm not bragging, I'm just giving you the needed information. Until about two weeks ago, I could easily get him erect and get both of us to climax 2-3 times in a 3-4 hour period. What needs to be known is that, until early June, our schedules only allowed us to be intimate 1-2 times per week. We are busy teachers between late August and early June, and now the schedule has changed. Now, we have much more freedom and move at a more casual pace. That's completely fine, except over the last two weeks it has become more difficult for me to turn him on. I'm NOT expecting him to perform 2-3 times per day, every day, without fail. But there have been a few days, like Sunday and yesterday, when I tried to arouse him by kissing him and oral stimulation (which has really never failed in the past) and got nothing. I do mean nothing, and I try a few times each night. There were 1-2 other times I have been able to get him erect after a very long oral foreplay session, and then he lost it in the time it took me to get undressed. He swears up and down that it's the time of night and he's tired or that it's "just one of those times". He's never said he's not in the mood, and swears that he loves me and still finds me incredibly attractive. This malfunction doesn't happen all the time, just some times. Other times, like Tuesday, we had great sex twice that day without a problem. So, there might be truth to me not being the problem. I WANT to believe him, I really do, but I can't help but think that the free time has made him see that he's bored with me and our sexual routine. I keep thinking that I just don't turn him on like I used to. This is a big 180 degree turn as far as I am concerned, and it's driving me crazy. I am a very mellow person, but this is pushing me off the deep end.

One thing I noticed as far as timing goes: this started about when he started going to the gym again. He doesn't push himself too hard, but is it possible that working out is actually causing the problem, possibly because of inconsistency? He's only gone a few times in the last couple of weeks.

I don't want some kind of super human sex life, I just want to know what you think the problem is and how I might fix it so I don't feel like I am the beginning of the end of us. Thank you.

[jns]

It could be he is masturbating to porn as he has a lot of free time.

[HisGirl]

I'm not an expert but I think some men may have a limit to how often they can perform, especially as they age. For example, my husband is 42 and he rocks my world 4-5 times a week, but he "tops out" at about 5 times a week. After that and he has to make it all about me. The desire, love, want is there but so he's happy to give, but he's kind of spent. He admits he has a hard time keeping up with me. He's actually learned that going to the gym is helpful. Just believe that it's not you that's not turning him on. It seems he wants to and is turned on. He just might be a guy whose strength is quality not quantity.

[JonDoe]

Two weeks does not exactly reflect a worrisome pattern. He could have more on his mind, could be tired from staying up later than usual, or a host of other things. Some guys and gals might find it a chore to have sex that frequently.

As a guy, I can tell you that not getting an erection does not necessarily mean a lack of sexual attraction. If his mind is focused on something else, then he might have trouble achieving or maintaining an erection. Find a way to take his mind off his thoughts, and you may find a rise in his Levi's.