[Ha-Yes]

First off, I need to give you a little background in order for you to be able to give me an opinion about my situation. **My wife was a virgin when we got married at the age of 19. *Her belief's were that masturbation, oral sex, and sextoys were a sin and she thought it was gross. * My wife and I have been married almost 20 years now. *We would make love sparatically, maybe once or twice a month for the first couple years. *She felt bad about not being able to perform her "wifely duties" so we had a talk about her lack of sexual desire. She complained about being too dry, I was using lubricated condoms and we were having 20 minutes or so of foreplay (basically heavy kissing and fondling each other) but she couldn't produce any natural lubricant on her own. *This was where I suggested oral sex. *She claimed that that was nasty and that she wouldn't let me do that to her. *I tricked her one night and began kissing her all over her body. *I then started to rub her and continued to kiss her body. *I then substituted my finger for my tongue. After a few seconds she realized what I was doing but she liked it so much she let me continue. *I loved this because this was the most pleasurable experience she had ever had, she continued for a while to allow me to do this, and she would pull my face into her and grind her hips, I could tell she enjoyed this as much as I did. *Next we discovered lubricants. *These two things brought about more frequency and our first child. * After the first child was born we were busier with her and didn't have sex as often. *I decided one night to buy her a vibrator. *This was pretty interesting, I tried to do it like I did when I introduced her to oral sex, this time the results were not the same. As soon as the vibrator touched her she grabbed it from me and asked what it was. *I told her it was a vibrator and what it was supposed to do for her. *She then threw it across the bedroom and told me to get rid of it. *We discussed it for a while and she then agreed to look at it. *After she looked at it she said that she would try it as long as I didn't try to stick it in her. *So we did and it's a part of our normal routine now. * This brings me to my purpose in writing this. *My wife sleeps most of the time in the fetal position away from me. *She sleeps with the arm on the side she lays on curled up to support her head. *Her other hand rests between her thighs. *The other night I awoke around three in the morning and felt a little movement so I waited and tried to recognize a pattern. *They were small jerky almost completely unnoticeable. *I then rolled on my side and placed my hand under her shirt, around to the front, on to her stomach under her arm. *I immediately noticed that she was breathing like we were having sex. *I kept my hand there and after a minute or so I slowly felt the tendons in her forearm begin to flex. *I knew that she was masturbating. *I let her finish and I just felt her go. *I didn't know what to do with this knowledge, so for the past few nights I have been waking up around three to see if she would do it again. We'll three nights ago I woke up and felt those same jerky movements again. *This time I just turned over and tried to get my hand back in the same position it was in before. *As soon as my hand touched her side she jerked her hand back and said, "leave me alone!" *I did, but I tried to stay awake to see if I could feel her go back to what she was doing, but she didn't. * Last night I couldn't contain myself any longer, I started off telling her about the first night and that I wasn't sure if she was asleep or awake. *She listened and then said that she wouldn't do something like that because it was gross and sick. *I then reiterated that I didn't know if she was awake or asleep, and I described the movements in more detail. *She still claimed that she wouldn't do that. *I then explained that it made me horny and that it was ok to do that from time to time and that I enjoyed feeling her do that to herself. **I then told her what happened three nights ago. *This time she said that she had to be asleep. *She said that she was totally exhausted the last few nights. *She said that she believed that I had discovered this, but she still claimed to be asleep the last 3 nights but offered no defense to earlier in the week. *So do you think this has been going on for a while? *How do I get her more open to the idea? How do i get her to explore this more? How do I get her comfortable enough to let me watch her?

[skyecountrygril]

Its a tricky situation. I think, she could as she says be masturbating when she is asleep and have no knowledge of it - but an orgasm is a tough thing for the brain to ignore and its unlikely (although not impossible) that she was asleep. The other issue is that she may feel, ashamed and sinful if she masturbates and uses sex toys - even though you have introduced her to these in time. The fact that she may be denying all knowledge of masturbating on her own is because she may be scared, afraid and shy of the inner desires that she craves - and may be satisfying with her midnight masturbation sessions. I'd tread very carefully as some women do have a very active and open sex life, and have no problem discussing new ideas but other women find these ideas gross and dirty, but come to crave these feelings and emotions to which you have opened her up to. Id discuss these things lightly, no demanding questions, but an initiate and private place where she feels secure, enclosed and safe with you where she can have no boundaries and release and discuss everything that she is feeling - sexually and not sexual. Hopefully it helps!

[Obelisk]

There is not a single verse in the Bible that says masturbation is a sin. There is not a single verse that says oral sex is a sin.

The Bible frequently talks about oral sex in fact. Have your wife read "Song of Songs" from beginning to end, while I suggest you do the same. Then talk to her about what you both read. Then ask her, if it was a sin, why did God allow such a book to be included in the Bible?

I think she feels really guilty about sex, but she ends up masturbating on her own because the desire is too much and she needs to get off. She needs to be convinced that wanting sex and wanting an orgasm is not a sin. You both can start by learning what the Bible ********actually says******** in the matter.

[link removed]