[Neferet]

I don't really have any girl friends I can turn to talk about these kinds of things, and obviously talking to...boyfriend? doesn't help.

I guess I should explain. He isn't exactly my boyfriend, but we've been seeing each other for close to two years. I call it a complicationship because while I have no interest in seeing other people we can't be classified as "being together" either. The reason for this is that the guy I'm with-but-not-with is also in love with his ex girlfriend who stirs up trouble all the time by telling him how much she needs him and how much she hates me even though she left him and wasn't in the picture when I showed up in his life. I'm convinced that for him to be able to move on she needs to gtfo the picture already. But that is irrelevant. When I started seeing him things were pretty great and we were happy. We had sex often, I was sure of myself and had no doubts that he wanted me.

Then things took a turn for the worse. The sex suddenly just stopped and I was left confused. One night (after many nights) of trying to initiate sex I snapped. I finally asked him whether or not he still wants me. His answer was that he does want me but there's some sort of conflict going on inside him. I nodded understandingly and decided that giving it some time would be best. A while later the sex started up again, although sparingly. But that was fine because it meant progress was being made. Then, just as suddenly as before, it stopped again. I waited, and I waited, and I waited. Until finally I, again, snapped. I asked him what was up. The answer was different to the first answer. When I asked whether or not he still wanted me he said yes, of course he does! But he just isn't a sexual person. There are times when he wants it a lot, and other times where that kind of intimacy makes him uncomfortable. And like the first time I decided that I would give it some time and not push him.

But lately I just don't know. I'm confused about wanting him and him not wanting to have sex. We've had this argument so many times that I'm starting to wonder if I should even still push the matter at all and whether or not I should just quit. Could it be because he wants his ex more than he wants me? Should I feel frustrated and angry? I need help. =/

[Claret]

Do the swings in his libido also coincide with the type and amount of interaction with his ex?

[Neferet]

Do the swings in his libido also coincide with the type and amount of interaction with his ex?

I don't know how frequently he speaks to her. He doesn't tell me these things because I freak out on him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Neferet.

Your intuition and knowledge tells you that he is still in love with his ex.

You don't know how often he speak with her, or "sees her" for that matter but he can't have sex with you through guilt.. He is hoping to get back with her, trying to get back with her and by sleeping with you, he feels guilty but also he has the opportunity to tell her, that he doesn't sleep with you, there is no love there, once here and there as it's just sex.

Whilst that all sounds harsh it makes sense right?

We often go into relationships of sorts with baggage. It's when you realise the baggage is still there and out of your control that you need to walk away from it and let it solve itself one way of the other.

You are not there to be in a "non" loving relationship.. But, you can't make him love you either whilst he has baggage.

Walk away.

There is a saying, "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back to you they are yours, if not they never were"..

Why deny yourself being totally loved by someone, by staying with someone that loves someone else.

Don't look at it as losing, rather, as you gaining a future partner who will give you what you are after.