[scootyloot]

So um.. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. And I'm still ex-treaaaaaamly shy about sex. In the past he's gotten very annoyed at me about it because he asked me to tell him what I like. To which I told him I have no idea.
And honestly..that still stands 4 years later..I dont know what turns me on or what I like the most. I'm more promiscuous when I'm drunk!! But whenever we do get drunk he avoids sex with me still. Which wasnt always like this, we used to have passionate love making and I would even talk dirty...me?! talking dirty? christ i can barely manage a mumble of any thing of the sort when I'm sober.

I am just so MAD at myself about this. I am too scared to take control, and I'm so scared of failing you have no freaking idea.
I'm ruining our sex lives and I hate myself for it. Not only am I super shy, I have an extremely low libido. No idea if it's due to something wrong with me, or if it's just me.

Right now I'm worried about us because we havnt had sex in over a month, and he's just not interested. I lay there for about 40 minutes this morning next to him, trying to pluck the courage up to even just touch him somewhere other than his chest or stomach. I dont know why I'm so shy about it, I am just so scared of looking like a fool, and when I'm told to do something I freeze up and ..well. I try..but get disheartened if it doesnt work or I feel I'm ******** at it..and stop.

I know I'm a horrible lay, and I'm honestly crushed by it..
I've been over in my head about everything.. what good things about me are there that he even loves me for? I have no idea, and when i ask him what he likes about me most. He just tells me not to ask him that question. I have a history of self harm and depression, he doesnt like what I do (I'm a freelance artist and he doesnt like my work) and I just cant pinpoint anything he likes me for anymore.
aw whatever.

I keep reading all these articles on the internet and tips on how to get rid of your shyness, or how to initiate sex and all that, and all of them make me cringe and go "i could never do that...its just not me.....how could I do that."

I've been an anxious wreck for the last month about this. And I'm afraid I'll never get better.
I'm too scared to even go to my doctor and ask him about my low libido.. I'm too embarrassed. I'm so sick and tired of being like this that I'm tearing up from anger and anxiety just writing this..

[Mayflower7]

How can I overcome my crippling shyness in the bedroom? Please help

Hi Scootyloot,
I am ever so sorry, depression can affect many things as I am sure you know. Are you receiving any treatment for your depression or therapy etc? Please do try and visit your GP/dr and see a female dr if possible and discuss your sexual problems. You really need a supportive partner that approves of your career/interests. You are a great person and I do hope you start feeling better.
Try building your confidence, look at your positives. See each day how much you have achieved even if that is just small tasks sometimes. Can you join any artists groups and find mutual friends.
You are not horrible, if your partner makes you feel that way have a think is this a relationship you want to have.
Well done for seeking out help.
Take care
Kate

[Obelisk]

My girl is the same way.

Personally I'd be happy if she was honest with me about how she feels. If you don't know what you like, maybe you can ask your BF to try different things and see if something works for you? I'd had some luck with this.