[Beccalouise]

It's nothing really bad; Basically I think he gets turned on when I touch myself and he sometimes tries to get me to do it when we're 'pleasing each other with our hands' before intercourse. I've never really done it much myself but when I did, it was before I got with him. He sometimes moves my hand around the outside of myself which I don't mind but I still don't exactly like it, but he wants me to use my fingers inside of me (sorry if this sounds odd, I get really uncomfortable when talking about masturbation!). I love my boyfriend dearly and would do almost anything to make him happy and please him sexually (and not sexually). I do get turned on when he touches himself, but I really do not enjoy touching myself in any way when he wants me to and I only enjoy it when he touches me. He doesn't get annoyed when I don't do it, just a little disappointed as he seems to get really turned on when I do that.

How can I satisfy him if I don't like doing this to myself when it turns him on? Or how can I make myself enjoy it?

[rcoreyus]

Does he go out of his way to do things that you enjoy but maybe he doesn't?

If you can get over your inhibitions, it is a great way for him to find out what sort of touch you enjoy. First though you would need to get comfortable with masturbation yourself.

[Beccalouise]

As far as I'm aware, there's nothing he doesn't enjoy that I do. I never ask him to do things to me like he sometimes asks me to do things orally to him as he really enjoys that but I'm not that fussed on it. I don't mind doing it, it's just it can sometimes be unpleasant.

That's the thing, I need to get comfortable with masturbation myself, but I'm really not. As I said, I get turned on by the idea of him touching himself too even though he doesn't do it often in front of me and I've never asked him to.

[shoshannah]

Recoreyus asked a good question that I would like to expand on. In relationships we all have to "take one for the team" now and then both sexually and non-sexually. So the first question is whether you feel as if you're having to take one for the team more than is fair. If he is always selfish and never wants to give in, it isn't fair for him to ask/expect you to give in on stuff.

If that isn't a problem--if you are both mutually self-giving and willing to compromise--then it becomes a question of how important this masturbation issue is to him compared to how uncomfortable it makes you. I'm a firm believer in the idea that ultimately it's your body and emotions and psychological well-being, and that if you feel that fulfilling his request would really harm you in one of those ways, you shouldn't do it, and you should also let him know that it's so serious that it's off the table and he shouldn't keep asking about it or trying to move your hands for you. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life, and it would be right or fair for him to make you do something that will stay with you maybe even after he's left the picture.

If, on the other hand, it's a matter of preferences or temporary discomfort, and it's really important to him, then maybe you could try accommodating him to a limited degree--for instance, get him to agree to only ask for it or expect it one time per week/ per month/whatever.

I imagine that you wouldn't have brought this up if it didn't make you really uncomfortable--i.e., fit into the first category as opposed to the second--so another approach might be to ask yourself exactly why it makes you uncomfortable and what's the worst that could happen if you did it. it may be that you'll find that it isn't as bad an idea as you initially thought. But if after thinking about it you still can't figure it out or get over your feelings, then go with your gut. Again, there's no reason for you to do something that really bothers you, and ultimately you don't need to justify that either to yourself or to your boyfriend. If he really loves you, he'll understand that.

HTH.

[Obelisk]

I don't think what he's asking is unreasonable. We men like to see women play with themselves. For me it's not a requirement though. I prefer to do whatever the woman likes most.

If it was some weird fetish maybe you could complain. But what he's asking, to me, seems reasonable.