[MIssElle]

I've looked around the forums and only found one other with a story similar to mine but the replies from others were deleted so basically I didn't get any input.

So, I have been dating a guy for about 6 months now. Our relationship is wonderful and we're really close but we're having some problems in the bedroom. We've had a really good sexual relationship up until the past month or two and for some time now he just seems completely turned off to the idea of pleasing me. We used to have sex every day at the beginning and then it gradually declined to every couple days or so to playing with each other until satisfaction but no intercourse. However now when we go to bed or when we're just playing around he'll touch, kiss, and tease me plenty but when it comes to actually pleasing me he'd just rather not. Mostly our playful sessions end up with me giving him oral and then we cuddle or talk for a few minutes and he's off to do something else. He says he loves me and that he finds me very attractive and outside the bedroom he shows it all the time. He hugs, kisses, caress', tells me sweet things, and take's care of me so I've always felt very confident with him about my appearance, sexuality, and our relationship. Like most people, I have a lot of self-esteem issues that have challenged both my partner and me but we've either conquered them together or are in the process of doing so. As of now, due to the current lack of sexual satisfaction, I've been feeling rather insecure again about not only my appearance but about how he feels about me.

We've played around a lot and when nothing exciting happens for me I've gotten upset about it. We bickered about it some in which he's told me "You're not always going to get laid. What's so wrong with me playing with you?" and when we go more in depth about why he doesn't want to have intercourse anymore he's told me that his penis gets really sensitive and it hurts or that he gets insecure and can't stay hard but masturbation or head feel just fine. At first I was very sympathetic and continued to try and please him and play with him without getting upset. Recently I've been getting very insecure and sexually frustrated. Part of the problem is that we don't have sex, I don't get to be intimate with the one I love, and the fact that I'm willing to please him but he's never or rarely willing to return the favor. Even more recently after I help him finish he gets distant and just runs off to where ever. I'm so confused as to what's happening with him and I've tried very hard not to turn it on myself by thinking "Oh, it must be because you're unattractive, Elle!".

I've looked at other threads and articles about the subject and I know that men get stressed out and insecure about their bodies and sexual performance but I feel like something else is going on. Since I've only been giving him oral, and I know, because he's told me (we're pretty open with each other) that he masturbates a lot, maybe he's gotten pampered for too long and really only enjoys oral. I just don't understand it and I'm getting frustrated and insecure. Yes I want sexual satisfaction but I also want to be intimate with the one I care for. Like I said I've talked to him about it before and I plan to talk more about it , although I'd never have the audacity to just ask him to go down on me or something, I just would appreciate any input about the subject or tell me about your similar experience, how it played out and what was the conclusion if there was one.

(I apologize for the lengthiness of this post but I wanted to explain the subject in depth so that whoever can help will have better understanding.)

[Doll-HouseFiction]

I don't want to be mean here but have you guys been fighting a lot? Usually the more you depend on a guy emotionally the more he wants to shrink from you. I know it sounds weird but guys are like rubber bands…sometimes they will distance themselves from you but they will always come back. They want to know that you will be there for them with understanding and affection.

Sometimes the constant bickering and the insecurities will usually make a guy turned off. Men like confidence. They say that the most beautiful women are the happiest women. The more we pick at stuff and nag the more they draw away from us.

This is just my honest opinion.

[MIssElle]

That doesn't sound mean at all, I understand what you're saying. It's actually something I think about a lot. I'm very insecure about my insecurities. Haha!
However, I didn't take that into consideration because we haven't been fighting a lot at all so it wasn't something I thought about. When I have something I'm insecure about I usually tell him about it and he makes me feel better and not so insecure anymore. Like I said in the post, with the way he treats me and takes care of me it makes my insecurities disappear and the subject isn't brought up anymore after that. Although we haven't been fighting I have been extremely stressed out from school and money and getting depressed or down a lot from it. I don't take it out on him when I get down but I know, and he tells me, that my mood affects his. Could that have the same affect that you spoke of though? Causing him to be distant and such?

[DreamP346]

If his penis is too sensitive for intercourse, what's wrong with his tongue? Its sounds like he's just gotten lazy. Why put the effort when he can just get head and not do anything for you. Next time you are getting intimate, ask to 69 so both of you can be pleased. If he refuses, then I wouldn't give him head. Why please him if he doesn't want to put the effort into pleasing you.

Also, you should have a conversation with him and tell him how this lack of intimacy is negatively impacting your self image.

[jns]

I would say his masturbation is an issue, but his lack of giving you attention is a bigger one. He sounds selfish. As soon as he became comfortable and secure in the relationship, he started putting in rules that have him as the one who is calling the shots. He can rub himself raw masturbating and grip himself so strongly that you cannot compete: of course he goes limp during normal sex after that. Even though that is happening, like sp346 said: "What's wrong with his tongue?" If he wasn't selfish, he would do his best to please you other ways. Such as giving you oral for a good, long time or until you wanted to quit.

[Marie123]

After 6 months you should both really be in a good sexual groove together. If you aren't, it just means there is a mismatch. Find a better match. If I could go back and tell my younger self one bit of advice that would have helped me, it would be "don't waste time on relationships that have a lot of drama and not enough sex".

[marwa]

magic solution

belive me a friend of mine had the same problem and she did a threesome with him and another guy and she told me its a magic solution because he will be jealous and he will see with his eyes someone very horny because of u

[SUZE]

The most helpful thing you can do is reassure him that this is entirely normal and nothing for him to be worried about.It's just care and experience.