[Orsba]

I've had this problem since I started my sex life 6 years ago. I was in a long term relationship, I loved him and he loved me, but I never felt anything during sex. I just felt him entering me and that's all. Never felt pleasure in my vagina ever. And really, it's not normal Have any of you been through a situation like this? Is there a "cure" for it? We tried different positions etc, but it just doesn't work. After we broke up, I had other partners but I didn't feel anything with them either. I know I'm not relaxed when having sex, I always feel so self conscious about my body and how I perform. And mostly I feel bad that I just can't enjoy the act and moan or say anything because I don't feel anything. It's like I look dead and bored in bed, but I am trying to feel something and I just can't....

Any suggestion is much needed....

[LilahX]

YOu've probably half answered your own question. If you're not relaxed then your body isn't going to let itself feel anything other than tension and that's something that only you can fix by becoming more comfortable 'in your own skin'. But I also have some of your physical problem. I've had many sexual partners and extremely relaxed during sex, confident in my sexuality, yet with some guys I also don't feel a thing during penetration. I don't know if my nerve endings are somehow more deep-seated than other women or what. However, with some guys and in certain position (doggy) it's fantastic. Whether it's a combination of how our bodies fit together, or that they just have better technique, I don't know. So don't despair or think you're the only one - but work on your self-confidence to make the best of things.

[Lady Syrinx]

You said you loved the first guy you were with. Have you been in relationships with the guys since? For a lot of women there is an emotional component to a good sex. If you`re having casual sex you probably are connecting on purely physical level.

[Orsba]

I dated a few guys after that relationship, but I never had a relationship with them. We had sex, but I felt so empty. I thought that if I changed partners, I would feel pleasure during sex. But it seems that I was wrong. I haven't found a man that is compatible with me in bed. Most of them were being selfish in bed and didn't know and didn't care about foreplay at all

[kira]

Actually it's not that uncommon. Every partner I've had I had to explain what parts of the vagina inside and out actually had feeling and what movements angled a penis certain ways. Then I also move even when on bottom. I've had a lot of guys comment on that because I know just how to move my hips in an arch that scrapes the head of the penis against the front wall. It's tiring and sometimes I can't do it because they are going too fast but when that happens I pull my legs in more so my pelvis tips and they brush my cervix. Not hit my cervix cause that hurts but brushing it lightly and then hitting the wall behind it gives sensation too. If I just laid there in a neutral position the only sensation I'd ever feel is friction at the opening which is actually unpleasant because it irritates my urethra. Add the amount of lubricant I'd prefer to prevent that and I'd feel nothing. It's effort on my part that gets me somewhere. I learned by taking a dildo and tying it down to the bed. You can get some with suction cups now but of course they don't stick to a bed. I then had to do all the work myself and I could take my time doing exactly what movements I wanted.

[Lady Syrinx]

I dated a few guys after that relationship, but I never had a relationship with them. We had sex, but I felt so empty. I thought that if I changed partners, I would feel pleasure during sex. But it seems that I was wrong. I haven't found a man that is compatible with me in bed. Most of them were being selfish in bed and didn't know and didn't care about
foreplay at all

That could be important. I would think being with a selfish guy is a huge turn off. I don`t know this from personal experience, I`m married to my first love who is a very unselfish lover. I couldn`t imagine being with a selish guy.

[jns]

I dated a few guys after that relationship, but I never had a relationship with them. We had sex, but I felt so empty. I thought that if I changed partners, I would feel pleasure during sex. But it seems that I was wrong. I haven't found a man that is compatible with me in bed. Most of them were being selfish in bed and didn't know and didn't care about foreplay at all

Orsba, do you orgasm? If so, what way and how long does it take? Some women do not get aroused enough to orgasm by any means. Various sources have various numbers. As best I know the numbers are probably between 10% and 20% of women don't have orgasms.

I think reality is that some guys don't do oral. Some do, but only a little bit. Finally there is a group of guys who are enthusiastic about oral. It sounds like you have only been with guys from the first group or maybe some of the relationships have been too short to bring up oral. I have noted in other posts that oral is a skill that requires practice. It also gets different results from different women, so it has to be adapted.

Have you ever had a guy give you oral? If so, was it very long? Were you able to give instructions? Did you request the oral? Please give some more background.

[Orsba]

The guy with whom I had the relationship always gave me oral and I always had orgasm. It took about 5 minutes maybe, sometimes longer, it depends on how he used his tongue. I can always orgasm through oral, no matter if I love the person or not. But I just don't feel anything inside. I really liked Kira's story of her dildo. I had a vibrator once, but it was too rough and thick I think. I didn't like the material even if it was imititating the real thing.

If I felt pleasure inside, I think I wouldn't have any problem in sleeping with guys I don't love or be in love with. I enjoy having a man next to me and holding me. But knowing the fact that I can't act normal during sex, I just can't have sex with them. And it's even worse since every guy I've met after my ex, never had a girl with my "issue". And I feel even more abnormal, since they all said "I've never heard of this. So you don't feel a thing"? It's really annoying