[Claret]

Recent posts have got me thinking. Do you think it's necessary to disclose to your significant other/fiancé/ boyfriend etc. the number of sexual partners that you have had? If you do, why? What different does it make? Have you lied about the number of partners that you have had and why?

Myself - my DH and I have never asked, and we've never told. I have completely no interest in knowing and I don't care who he was with as long as when we got serious, we were not having sexual relationships with others and that we both came into our relationship free of any STDs.

I would like to know why you'd want to know or need to know from your partner.

[DreamP346]

Don't know each other's numbers, but I know more about his past relationships. I am curious. To me its his history and I want to know about him. Not necessarily the details but just about how old he was his first time, if he slept with any virgins, and a few other things. I'm not the jealous type. It just helps me understand him better.

My husband on the other hand is more jealous. He doesn't have issue with my past, he just wouldn't want a mental image. Therefore he knows nothing about my past.

It really depends on the couple and whether they want to disclose. However, it shouldn't be a requirement and if disclosed, that knowledge should never be used again a partner.

[kira]

I don't think it's neccessary but it is interesting and sometimes can explain behaviors or problems that arise in your relationship. Both of us have talked of past relationships and have an idea how much and what type of relationships we've had but we haven't put an exact number on it.

[FortunsFoole]

I don't think it's necessary to know an exact number or complete details of their sexual history.. but a lot of general stuff does tend to come out when getting to know someone, especially when they mostly had sex while in relationships. Just is what it is, can't be changed, so there's no need to really worry about it as long as we're both healthy.

[Element]

Well, I wanted to know because I wanted to know if my guy had a habit of getting around. How he's treated women. If I should insist he get tested and I see the results. Also so I can know what he likes in bed. What's been done that he enjoys, and what he never wants to try again. Maybe there's something I would like to try, but he's done it with another woman and didn't really care for it; so we can change the elements that he didn't like and then we can try it.

I've never viewed sex as casual as putting on a new pair of the jeans for the day. If he's been with someone, there was a reason for it. And even the times he's not proud of; I can see that he learned from it. He's extremely adamant he will never be that way again. So I know I don't have to worry.

I know who my man is and I know why I'm with him. But also people fall back on bad habits. And if there is some with his ex's, I know why he reacts to somethings (which we have experienced) and some behaviors I could avoid as to not trigger something in him. Having loved and lost is a hard boat to sink in. It takes time for the person to accept that you are not someone who has hurt them before and you won't ever become them.

[Obelisk]

Good post.

I've struggled to keep my count low, and I still will. I don't think it's fair to be with a ton of women just for sex, and then go off to look for "the one". If I'm searching for "the one" I can wait to not get involved unless there's a chance for a future.

That's my opinion though.

[Little]

He probably knows my number. I don't really know his, but I think we've had the conversation before. I know about each of his prior relationships (some of the ladies had the same/similar names and run together) and he knows about mine. I thought it was important to know for the same reason as Element - wanted to know what happened to his previous relationships. I ignored various ex-girlfriend-related red flags with some previous relationships and regretted it.

I don't think it's necessary to disclose if you're not a disclosing kind of person. I'm a diarrhea-of-the-mouth oversharer of the worst degree, so in a long relationship, it's just going to come out. A potential partner needs to be okay with that (and mine is )