[Pinka]

I have been with my bf for over 3 yrs now. It started as long distance and we finally met/ moved in together a lil over 3 months ago. (I'm 18 and he is 20) I was his first and he's my second (though a barely count my ex-bf)

His sex drive is WAY lower than mine. He keeps giving me different reasons why. Either he's not not into sex as much as me and doesn't think it's important, or he's too tired, or he's too stressed, or he's worried that he can't get me off, or something... We have sex 1-2 times a week if I'm lucky. I could easily (and kinda want to) do it every day.

And to make things worse 1) even when he doesn't intend on having sex he teases me and 2) more often than not i don't get to finish. He tries, but he really doesn't listen to what I tell him and he's too nervous and gives up too soon. He is also grossed out by the idea of going down on me. He said for years before we met that he was looking forward to that the most. When I get here it took me weeks to get him to try because he was worried he would do it wrong. Now he says that the smell makes him sick (And it's not like it smells bad. I've been to the doctor and everything is as it should be). Though sometimes when we actually do have "sex" it's just oral for him, he tries fingering for a few minutes, gives up and goes to bed and im left felling gross....

So between him calling me smelly and teasing me without wanted sex (which makes me feel really used) and not getting off im feeling really frustrated with the situation. I feel bad that I want to do it so much and he doesn't. Recently I've been flirting with one of our friends and I know it hurts hi and I hate it because outside of the bedroom he is the best bf ever....but i can't help flirting... The other day we were having sex, it's wasn't great so i tried thinking about something kinky with another guy to see if it helped (it didn't and made me feel like crap for thinking of someone else while i was with him)

Very recently (the last 2-3 days) I'm horny nonstop... All the time for no reason, no matter what I'm doing. It's driving me insane. Even when I masturbate while he's at work and I finish, i don't feel relieved... When I told him about it today during his lunch he thought it was funny, teased me some more and said it should be easy for him when he gets home to please me... I kinda hate that he's not taking it seriously... and I have no idea what to do to stop it x.x.....

any help? (sorry it's so long, thought more details might help)

[jns]

I'm sure your scent is just fine. That's not you, it's him. Most likely giving oral to a girl excited him when he viewed porn, but the real thing was different somehow. I don't really have an idea why.

Does he seem to like to clean excessively? Sometimes that trait seems to be an underlying cause or symptom.

Mismatched sex drives can be disastrous for relationships.

[Pinka]

He's not really that clean at all... he takes care of himself pretty well and doesn't go a day without showering, but our apartment is disgusting... before i moved in and started cleaning he left food all over the place, act refrigerated food left on the stove all night, garbage and dirty clothes all over... really gross x.x.... so he's not super clean...

At first he said that it was the hair, then when that issue was fixed it was the smell... he says it makes him sick to his stomach x.x...

And i have seen a lot that having different sex drives is horrible for a relationship, but i really love him and dont want to break up over sex..

[Element]

Sounds like your boyfriend is all talk, literally. From my personal take on it I think he's far more inexperienced than he claims to be and when he's up to bat, he's overwhelmed and just walks away.

Every person is different, you two have to learn what each other likes and what works for each of you. I suggest starting over and go back to learning each other from foreplay. Guide his hand to where to touch you, when to nip, stroke, etc. Tell him that you want to learn each others bodies and enhance the experience for the both of you. Don't place blame or name call or anything, keep the conversation open and non-judgmental. But tell him that you feel this is important for your relationship and as individuals. If he's not open to that and wants things to remain as is; then you have a hard decision ahead of you.

[Pinka]

That sounds like a good plan and very helpful advise, but he ends things before we even get to the foreplay part (he actually almost always skips it or doesn't spend much time on it at all) When he plans to do something later that night, something always comes up... Like today, I told him about how no matter what i did, i just couldn't get rid of this horny feeling... that made him think that it would be fairly stress free tonight so he kept teasing me.. after we got home from a nice dinner out he was too tired and his knees were hurting him... he's now in bed and im left all alone feeling gross and not good enough... And i feel horrible cuz he blames himself... he says that he's not a good enough bf and that he needs to find a way to change himself, but he won't let me help... i try to tell him that it's not a big deal because its really hard on him, but every time i try to talk about it he just gets upset and apologetic

[Element]

Even if he's not "in the mood", he can lend a helping mouth or helping hands. Sounds like he's just using you since whenever he wants sex he just does his thing and leaves. Doesn't sound like he has much consideration for you at all.

Next time you's are about to have sex, don't let him just skip foreplay and get his. If he's not willing to work WITH his partner, and want to bring pleasure to his woman; then that says a lot about him and the kind of relationship that he wants. If someone isn't willing to work with their significant other; then it's a one sided relationship. Don't ever think that you can change someone. You accept them as is. If the person wants to change then they will do it on their own, if not; things remain the same. So are you willing to remain in a relationship like this? Is this the kind of man that you want to marry?