[d.e.w.4.wild]

This is going to be a long post…
I have been married for 5 years now(married at 19 and him 21). We got married 6 months after we met because I found out I was pregnant. Although I was pregnant and we rushed into marriage, I thought he was the one. Ever since the beginning we did not have sex a lot and when I mean a lot, I mean maybe once a week. I did not know any better because I had only been with 4 other people intimately before and honestly two were not relationships. I had also never had an orgasm until I got pregnant with my first pregnancy.

During my first pregnancy I gained over 100 lbs because of preeclampsia and other complications. After that we did not have sex but maybe 1 or 2 times every two months. It made me depressed and I gained another 60 lbs because I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him. I felt unattractive and him telling me that I need to lose weight and that I am not the person he married anymore made me feel so bad about myself. When my husband got orders to deploy it gave me a reason to be better… if there was a chance I could lose him, I wanted to be the best I could be when he got back. So I started exercising 4 to 5 months before he left. I lost 50 lbs during that time. I found out shortly after he left I was pregnant again. During my second pregnancy I actually lost a lot of weight I lost another 60 lbs. I had my son 11 months ago and I have only lost 5 more lbs but I am only 40 lbs over weight (or from my target weight) compared to 160 lbs over weight. I figured that our sex life would get better.

We are back to 1 or 2 times a week but I am not happy. I want more. I want a girl to come into the mix, I want kink, I want to be chained, I want experiences. I express things to him and he says that I make him feel like he isn’t good enough for me. He says I am a sex addict because I want sex more than he does. I don’t know what to do.

I try to explain that I have fun with him and that he gives me orgasms but the same things all the time gets old. He also can only go for maybe 15 minutes and he says he can not go more than once in one night. He goes to the gym all the time, its not like he isn’t fit enough.

He never makes out with me unless we are getting ready to have sex and that’s minimal. He does not like me coming on to him. He wants to be the one that comes to me but if I let him do that we will never have sex. He never says I am sexy, he says I am cute or gorgeous. I told him I like the work sexy or to be called **** or ***** in bed but he wont do it. He says that I am classier than that but I feel its an excuse. I have even tried talking dirty to him in bed, which has actually made him go faster so then I am not satisfied. I need more and I feel like I am going crazy. He says that he is already giving me more sex than we used to so I should be happy and he doesn’t understand what I expect from him.

Sex isn’t the only problems in our relationship but we have been working on the others and it seems like sex is a big one for me.

(I know its wrong but I recently started talking to an old boyfriend to just talk about things… he said he doesn’t think its right… he has opened my eyes up to things that I may be interested in sexually that my husband would not do at all…)

I tried to satiate myself by playing with myself but its not good enough.

What do I do?

[happygolucky90]

I understand because I've been in this position twice, once with my ex (who was also in the military) and again with my otherwise incredible boyfriend who I'm expecting a child with. There is nothing wrong with you and you aren't a sex addict. If you are, then so am I and probably a crap ton of other women on here. You are young and should be enjoying sex; I know it hurts, but that's what keeps me headstrong that there's nothing wrong with me... That there's nothing unhealthy about wanting intimacy with a cherished lover.

Not trying to be negative, but my ex's response was the same and well... It ended partially due to lack of affection/sex. My boyfriend now at leasts cares and understands my hurt feelings. Big difference.

[Gary7]

You're not a sex addict. An addict is someone who does something despite the fact that it will cause serious damage to the rest of their life. Having anonymous, unprotected sex with multiple strangers without your husbands knowledge would be a sign of sex addiction. Wanting more sex makes you, well, normal. Some people just have higher sex drives than others.

If he won't listen to you and try to do something about it what else can you do? Make sure he understands how important it is to you. Let him know that if it goes too far your marriage could be in serious jeopardy.

I will say you're playing with fire talking to the ex. From a male perspective, if an ex contacted me and was telling me how much she wanted sex, and her husband wasn't doing it for her then that would have me thinking about only one thing, sex with her. And it doesn't sound like your thinking is much different. If it gets to that point are you ready to deal with the consequences if your husband finds out? If not you might want to rethink your contact with the ex.

Good luck!

[LilahX]

You've hit the nail on the head when you say there are other problems. Your sex life (or lack of) will reflect how the rest of your r/ship is going. Honestly, I think you have a lot more to worry about than getting more sex with more variety. Having the sex life you want isn't going to happen unless you're in a happy and healthy r/ship. Yes, sex is absolutely a crucial part in a r/ship but without everything else a r/ship needs to be you can't expect the sex to improve.

It doesn't sound like he's open to communicating in a constructive wayand without that - I'm not sure what I could suggest but being in contact with your ex isn't going to help anything. You both were rushed into this r/ship. I hope you can both work things out - in bed and out of it.

[Bpariley]

i feel ya girl i'm in the same boat