[TXguy]

I hope that you guys don’t judge me for this, if I could change it I would.

I am obsessed with flaws in my wife’s body and the bodies of other women. I guess only my wife counts, but she is 45 now and is still beautiful by anyone’s measure but I just am obsessed with her flaws – wrinkles, stretch marks, and flabby stomach. We honestly have to have sex in the dark or I am just not turned on because I am grossed out.

I am also totally grossed out by bodily functions. I can’t even bear the thought of my wife relieving herself. If there is an odor in the bathroom I am totally grossed out and can’t even think about sex for days because I’m so grossed out. Same with farts, bad breath, etc. It’s like I could get by with never having sex again, thank you very much!

Now, intellectually I know that all people do these things. I know that a 45 year old woman is going to have some signs of age. I have signs of age myself.

But I am just totally grossed out by it all, and by the normal physical body functions that my wife has like every other living being. I’m afraid it will get worse as we get older and I will lose all intimacy with my wife.

I have ALWAYS been totally turned off by overweight women. The fat, sweat, and extra stink that goes along with being fat just freaks me out entirely.

I know that most guys would kill to have someone as hot as my wife at 45 years old, but I can’t keep from focusing on her physical flaws and am just grossed out entirely. I certainly can’t have sex if she doesn’t have makeup on etc. because again I just can’t get it to work.

Is this totally abnormal? Is there a term for this condition that I have, and what the heck do I do about it?

[Obelisk]

Do you watch porn at all?

[jns]

I hope that you guys don’t judge me for this, if I could change it I would.

I am obsessed with flaws in my wife’s body and the bodies of other women. I guess only my wife counts, but she is 45 now and is still beautiful by anyone’s measure but I just am obsessed with her flaws – wrinkles, stretch marks, and flabby stomach. We honestly have to have sex in the dark or I am just not turned on because I am grossed out.

I am also totally grossed out by bodily functions. I can’t even bear the thought of my wife relieving herself. If there is an odor in the bathroom I am totally grossed out and can’t even think about sex for days because I’m so grossed out. Same with farts, bad breath, etc. It’s like I could get by with never having sex again, thank you very much!

Now, intellectually I know that all people do these things. I know that a 45 year old woman is going to have some signs of age. I have signs of age myself.

But I am just totally grossed out by it all, and by the normal physical body functions that my wife has like every other living being. I’m afraid it will get worse as we get older and I will lose all intimacy with my wife.

I have ALWAYS been totally turned off by overweight women. The fat, sweat, and extra stink that goes along with being fat just freaks me out entirely.

I know that most guys would kill to have someone as hot as my wife at 45 years old, but I can’t keep from focusing on her physical flaws and am just grossed out entirely. I certainly can’t have sex if she doesn’t have makeup on etc. because again I just can’t get it to work.

Is this totally abnormal? Is there a term for this condition that I have, and what the heck do I do about it?

I think there may be two things going on here. Are you also disgusted with those things about yourself and other people or just your wife? If your being disgusted with everybody and yourself along with your wife, you might be getting toward one form of obsessive-compulsive behavior. The second thing is that older guys generally cannot get hard as easy as when they were younger. If it progresses beyond a certain point it becomes erectile dysfunction. Your body not responding may make you think that your wife is now disgusting and that is the reason. The reason could just be age and health related.

[rcoreyus]

This sounds like a strong enough reaction that you might want to consider therapy. Most people do not react this way - most remain attracted to their partners as they age. Some don't but usually it is that they find some younger woman more attractive, not that they are disgusted by their current partners (unless there is something unusual about the partner).

You wife will (or may already) pick up on these feelings and that isn't fair to her. I think it really is worth getting to the bottom of this before you hurt the woman you love.