[Silentartist]

My husband and i have had a very rocky sex life for a while now. We only have sex once every couple of weeks usually, and everytime is because i have initiated it. When we do have sex it is quick, there is no foreplay and he goes long enough for me to orgasm then hops up and goes to the couch. Also its almost always one of two postions and he never looks at me. He prefers doggy style with my head down, but sometimes i am on top and he just looks around the room like hes bored. I feel like the only reason he even had sex was to make me stop bothering him about it. Ive offered just giving him oral sex as i am a fan of giving over recieving oral but he still turns me down. I dont know what to do, i have a very high desire for it and am attracted to him but now i wish there was a magic pill to take away my sex drive because it makes me feel rejected and undesireable. Any advice would be appreciated, I dont know what to do.

[rcoreyus]

Mismatched interests in sex are a huge problem in a relationship. Did you ever have a good sex life with him, and if so, when / why (if you know) did it start to decline?

[Silentartist]

When we first got together it was good, he noticably wanted me, called me sexy, touched me etc. Now its as if there is no intimacy at all, we dont usually kiss or cuddle unless i just lay on him while hes on the couch. I cant say for sure when it changed, its just gradually gotten worse to where it doesnt feel like he wants to be with me at all anymore. Hes just bored. Ive offered to try any new things he has wanted in the bedroom short of bringing a girl in but im not comfortable with sharing him. :-\

[Obelisk]

No you should never feel like you have to share your man with anyone else.

Do you guys fight about anything else? Has anything major changed physical wise? Have you gained weight for example? Has he gained weight? What about psychological stuff? Has he lost his job? Has he lost a family member? Stuff like that.

[Silentartist]

No you should never feel like you have to share your man with anyone else.

Do you guys fight about anything else? Has anything major changed physical wise? Have you gained weight for example? Has he gained weight? What about psychological stuff? Has he lost his job? Has he lost a family member? Stuff like that.

I haven't gained more than maybe 10 lbs in the past 3 years and have recently lost most of that. He hasn't changed a bit, no job or family member loss. He's not dealing with depression (if he is, he's really really good at hiding it.) We don't fight very often, when we do it's because I feel like he's pushing me away and doesn't want me for anything more than a roommate anymore. When I try to explain that feeling to him he says we are more than roommates and doesn't get it. I've triend getting the 5 languages of love book but he never read past the introduction even after I told him which one i was etc.

[rcoreyus]

First, you have my sympathy, this is a really miserable situation -I was in this situation for many years and its is really bad. Its been discussed a lot of times in these forums, you might look at some old discussions - seems that both men and women can find themselves in relationships where their partner looses interest in sex. Sometimes it gets better, sometimes not.

Has he actually mentioned bringing in another woman? I'm absolutely not suggesting that you do, but it would be interesting. Has he lost all interest in sex, or lost interest in sex with YOU. Not your fault, but trying to get a handle on how his mind is working. Does he watch a lot of porn, or have some other sexual outlet? Does he have some sort of sexual interest that you don't want to do (again fine - you don't need to do things you don't like).

Can / does he talk about this at all?

[anchel1231]

This is huge problem and this may the cause of breaking some relation. Because both of you have different interest. I want to suggest you that you should to go for a checkup of your husband and concern with a psychiatry so he will diagnose him properly.

[jns]

Silent, does your husband have any passions in his life?

[Lady Syrinx]

Looking around the room. Sounds familiar, could be ADD or AD/HD. I`m AD/HD,, prior to being medicated I had a history of being being less than attentive during sex. Watching TV, looking around the room, etc. I`ve found that it is quite typical for for those with the disorder have problems with sex. They love the thought of sex but they get bored during the act because of the time and effort involved.