[NikNak94]

I've been having sex for about a year and a half now and I haven't been able to orgasm or feel much pleasure at all. I have tried masturbation and it just feels sort of numb, and I get little pleasure. I have been able to get some pleasure from my boyfriend using his hand and playing with my breasts, but only a handful of times and no where close to an orgasm. I have never orgasmed and I am starting to worry there is something wrong with me. I get no pleasure from sex, its just movement, and it is very sore after. I just don't know what to do.

[jns]

You will have to do a lot of self exploration to find out what gets you to the peak and over it. Is your bf a patient guy? Does he know how to stimulate your clitoris? Can he learn as you do? Since you get some pleasure from your breasts, I think your not too far away. It takes a while for some women to find what works for them.

[Gary7]

You can't masturbate yourself to orgasm? Do you have some deep belief that there is something wrong with masturbation? I ask because for most women you have to be in a good mental place to have an orgasm and having a guilt complex about masturbating wouldn't put you in a good place. If you don't have any problems with the concept of masturbation do you have stories or movies that you've seen that have turned you on? That's a common way to get in that good mental place to start masturbating.

If all else fails it may be time to seek out a qualified sex therapist. I would expect the first thing a good therapist would do is recommend a complete physical to rule out physical causes for your issue.

Good luck!

[atskitty2]

How old are you? I would encourage a pelvic exam by your gynecologist first.

Next, what else is going on in your life? If you do not have any mental resistance or anxiety about your sexuality, my thought would be toward your stress level and anxiety in life in general. The times in my life when sex was least enjoyable for me were the times I had too many stressful things going on that I just couldn't get my mind in the game, so to speak.
Is your lover giving and understanding, and allowing you time for arousals, getting you turned on and ready mentally for what happens physically?

There are lots of reasons for this type of problem. I assume you're young and healthy so it is probably a matter of your mind/body connection needs not being met.

[NikNak94]

I have tried masturbation and it just doesn't seem to do anything for me, I don't get any pleasure from it. But when my boyfriend uses his hand I get pleasure, but not enough to get close to orgasm. My boyfriend is very loving and patient, and always listening to what I want so I have no problem there. He does stimulate my clitoris but I just don't seem as sensitive, it gives me some pleasure but not as much as I'd hoped. I do get pleasure from him playing with my breasts and using his hand or tongue, just no orgasm from that or sex. I have no problem with masturbation, I just don't enjoy it that much. I get sexually aroused from porn but even with masturbation I can't orgasm. I don't think mentally I am completely prepared because I am still young, I get stressed easily and over think. I have started to worry about not orgasming because the sex is very good I just cant seem to orgasm or get a lot of pleasure. I also get very sore afterwards. I am 19 years old so I suppose it shouldn't be as worrying right now but it frustrates me somewhat. I have tried a lot of positions and lube and going slower, it sometimes gets me a lot more pleasure but no orgasm.

[jns]

If your bf goes at it too long, you will start to lose sensitivity. He should work at something you get pleasure from and then, after a short while, go on to something else you also get pleasure from. After a short while he should come back, especially to the clitoris and maybe in your case, the breasts. This will slowly build up sexual tension where you will be anticipating as much as feeling. He should use a light to very light touch unless you two find a firmer touch is better.

On your side, you need to relax and surrender to the sensations. You should really not be thinking. Try setting the mood with favorite music, maybe a looped scene that you find erotic from a movie, scents that help you get dreamy and lighting in the same direction. Maybe take a hot shower or bath and pamper yourself.

Good luck.

[Gary7]

I agree with jns. You need to relax and let yourself go with the sensations and quit over-thinking it. The only thing you should be focusing on is how good it feels and anything that might make it feel better. If you're laying there stressing about whether it'll happen or not that's almost a guarantee that it won't happen.

It sounds like a simple frame-of-mind problem, but if nothing seems to help don't rule out physical causes. You're not on any meds right? In particular some anti-depressants are known to make it more difficult to orgasm. Again, a qualified therapist would be the person to see about this issue.