[Ratm99]

hello all.
I hope this is ok to post here, as I figured maybe it's better to get a girls perspective, as a mans can be biased

I'm 22 years old, and I've been with my girlfriend (24), for over 7 months. It's a long distance relationship, as we live over two hours apart.

However, we barely ever have sex. I can count on one hand how many times we have since the summer. When we first started going out, we did very often when id visit. But then it stopped dramatically.

It isn't like I see her all the time either. As I said we live over two hours apart, so it isn't like I see her every day, or even every week. Sometimes close to 3 weeks go by where we don't see eachother and when we finally do, nothing happens

It's just messed up to me because in my mind, because we don't see eachother much, I would think that we would make up for the time lost so to speak, but no. Yet she still wants me to cuddle naked and even shower with her, but nothing happens!

[DreamP346]

Have you asked her why? We could speculate on the numerous things that cause people to lose their sex drive, but the only way to know for sure is if you ask your girlfriend.

[Ratm99]

Have you asked her why? We could speculate on the numerous things that cause people to lose their sex drive, but the only way to know for sure is if you ask your girlfriend.

It's always a different reason. She said "well we don't see eachother often" and when I replied "that's the point. We don't see eachother often and still don't when we do despite all the opportunity to"
And she'll shrug "I dunno you just catch me at a bad time"

Or "I'm too tired tonight, we will tomorrow night" and then conveniently or coincidentally, when tomorrow comes, she just so happens to get her period a week earlier than was expected, so there goes that.

[atskitty2]

Have you talked to her about the bigger picture reasons she is less interested? Not just in the moment reasons?

There could be lots of reasons for the change and I'm commenting with the assumption that the relationship is otherwise healthy. My hunch is that she is, after the long periods apart, feeling a little more like a stranger with you. Maybe it takes more than a few hours or the weekend to rebuild that connection for her and to be close enough for intimacy.

[jns]

You talk about several weeks apart before getting together again but you do not talk about your communications in between. How often do you two communicate and what form do those communications take? Are they just talking about what she did and what you did that day or are the conversations humorous or intimate or sometimes naughty? Reasonably often bonding communications will help you two keep a connection and closeness.

Something else, has your approach to the relationship changed? Some guys wine and dine a girl during the initial stages of a relationship, then quit doing that later on. That will make the girl feel as if she is only being wanted for sex and not a full relationship.

[rcoreyus]

There is a lot of variation in how interested different people are in sex. A relationship with very mismatched interests can be a huge problem - you can find lots of posts on this.

[Ratm99]

You talk about several weeks apart before getting together again but you do not talk about your communications in between. How often do you two communicate and what form do those communications take? Are they just talking about what she did and what you did that day or are the conversations humorous or intimate or sometimes naughty? Reasonably often bonding communications will help you two keep a connection and closeness.

Something else, has your approach to the relationship changed? Some guys wine and dine a girl during the initial stages of a relationship, then quit doing that later on. That will make the girl feel as if she is only being wanted for sex and not a full relationship.

We talk every day that we aren't together. Of course we will ask how our day was, but usually the convo goes just how it used to which is humorous and then we talk about deep stuff. However, we used to have a lot of naughty conversations but now she won't even engage in it if I try

I still approach the relationship the same way as far as I'm concerned, I am always just as excited to see her as I was in the beginning and I always try to let her know she's in my mind one way or another. Whether it's a facebook wall post or a random text while she's at work.

But still she's very distant on the intimate side. It was just the other day she was talking to me about the potential of moving in with her next year.

[DreamP346]

Some things that affect a women's sexual drive:
Stress
Birth control pills
Lack of birth control/fear of getting pregnant

Are any of these an issue?

Also, similar to what JNS said, some women (and even men) slack off as they get comfortable with the relationship. For your girlfriend, this may be in the sex department. Now that she feels comfortable with the relationship, she doesn't feel pressured to perform, especially if you are giving her everything else she needs from the relationship. There really isn't a way to know for sure until you talk to her. Be very clear about YOUR feelings. Don't accuse. So, for example, instead of saying "you never want to have sex any more", try "I feel like you are not interested in sex any more. That makes me feel rejected." Communication is the key. It just may be that you guys have mismatched sex drives. Better to figure that out now than later.

[fremdeizr]

Ratm99,
I had a long distance relationship for over a year with my girlfriend, who is now my wife. We lived about the same travel distance apart as you and your GF. My own experience was that we were not physically intimate at all for the first ~4 months of our relationship, per my commitment to her from the very beginning to take things slow. We made sure we were emotionally in love first before we had sex. We would see each other almost every weekend and would be physically intimate at least once each weekend. I think it was in month 7 that we had sex 4 times in 12 hours one weekend, and we were 15 years older than you. You should be having a ton of sex every weekend at this stage of your long distance relationship. However, every relationship is different, of course. A few thoughts:
1) Does she live with her parents, roommates, or alone? Is her lack of sexual desire the same at her residence as it is at yours? Before we got engaged, my wife was more sexually alive at my house than at hers because she did not live alone, but I did.
2) When we were dating, I had serious discussions with my wife about how important sex was to me and that I didn't want for our physical intimacy to tank after we got married. We both knew what to expect going forward. Now being married for almost a year, our sex life has turned out almost as expected. Of course, I always welcome more (!!), but relatively speaking, I am happy in the bedroom and in our complete relationship. It sounds like you have not yet had a serious, deep discussion with your GF yet as to how important sex will be to you in a long term relationship, and try to see if you guys are going to be sexually compatible long term. You need to have that soon, and if the answer is not what you can deal with going forward, then you need to move on. For her to go cold at the 7 month mark, there is something happening in her mind that she has not told you yet. It could be a reason that can be worked out (new birth control medication killing her libido, stress at job killing her libido, maybe she needs more emotional stimulation from you in order to translate to physical intimacy, gained weight and not as sexually confident, she's not enjoying sex the way you guys have been experiencing it, and wants you to change things up, but she fears hurting your feelings if she tells you, etc). Or it could be a reason which cannot be resolved between you two. Best for you to understand now which one it is. Good luck.

[LilahX]

If you don't see each other very often maybe she wants to feel that there's more to your relationship than just having sex marathons each time you get together. Perhaps she craves intimacy (hugging, being close) without feeling that you always want it to lead to sex. She knows you want her physically, maybe she wants reassurance that you want her mind and personality as well.

On the other hand, perhaps she's at the point in a relatiolnship (which usually comes quite a bit later) when the electric excitement of sex calms down and isn't as urgent and is more dependent on other aspects of the relationship.