[C]

Dear Administrator:

First, Please put your message back front and center for all to read. That is the important message. This isn't.

Tonight I put a couple messages to DrJ. One bordered on something that may have sounded to much like a "smart as*. Please delete this for me. I also wrote you a letter an hour ago, please delete this too. It is not worth reading.

One more delete for me if you would, the letter I responded to you below on the Message Board. This I did because I felt it. Just plain the way I am.

I promise you that you will not have to keep your eyes on me again.....

[WH Admin]

Dear Administrator:

First, Please put your message back front and center for all to read. That is the important message. This isn't.

I am not sure what you mean by this.

Tonight I put a couple messages to DrJ. One bordered on something that may have sounded to much like a "smart as*. Please delete this for me. I also wrote you a letter an hour ago, please delete this too. It is not worth reading.

I already replied to your email.

One more delete for me if you would, the letter I responded to you below on the Message Board. This I did because I felt it. Just plain the way I am.

I promise you that you will not have to keep your eyes on me again.....

Please just don't post anything that you don't want on here. I don't have time to delete everyone's messages. Use the preview tool to make sure it's the way you want it. And make sure it's something you want to leave on here or don't post it.

[C]

[quote=WH Admin;26419]I am not sure what you mean by this.


What I meant was your message teling of my faults was more important for people to see.

Seeing I cannot edit my post which I just put on I would like to ask you if using any wording in my posts is objectionable to you. I mean dirty words in passion. That is how I write. I have no way of PM and asking you this and I just swallowed my pride for a second to put a post on and I am uncertain right now if this is right or wrong.. This is your site and I know when I write an erotic post that I have got to be me and who I am. If this is a problem with you I would appreciate knowing it........

[WH Admin]

Caroline,

You know you can email me at any time. support*womens-health.com

[sourpuss]

Dear Admin,
I just want to thank you for clearing that all up and for being fair. I was beginning to get the feeling that certain members were allowed to bully just because they had a lot of posts. It's nice to know that there is someone out there keeping this place under control.
Thank you for all you do for this site, I appreciate it.

[rcoreyus]

Specifically:


Everyone, we have had to temporarilly disable PM, member emailing, and edit/delete post features because members are abusing the priveledges.
Please be civil with each other. We are all different and we all need to learn to accept that.

Thank you for doing the difficult job of trying to keep this site going. When you can though, please re-enable PM - for some of us it is our only means of contacting anonymous friends met on this forum.

Also, please think about purging you database of IP addresses, or any other information that could link anonymous and real identities. I am concerned that a court order (in say a divorce case) might require you to turn over all your records. Some people have posted things here that really shouldn't be made public.

Again, thanks for your very good work keeping things going.

[Josh501]

I know, this is an old thread. But I came across it during some research I was doing, and just had to to reply out of the sheer anger I felt due to the ignorance I see. However, I will conduct myself in a respectful manner. First of all, I am 26 years old male and rather knowledgeable on this subject.

It's possible that many of the men who identify as straight, but engage in homosexual behavior could be closet homosexuals or bisexuals. However, it's also possible that they aren't. Unless you're a psychotherapist with experience in the field of sexual orientation, or a person who has dealt with this first hand, it's ignorant to give such generalizations.

The first thing to remember, is that there is a different between sexual orientation and sexual behavior. Sexual orientation is not defined by the behavior alone, and it is possible for one to engage behavior outside of their innate orientation.

For many of these men, the only thing homosexual about it, is the act/behavior. A gay/bisexual man seeks out other men because they desire men, not just the sexual act. For the straight man, it's all about the act. Attraction, love and romance (which is what really defines orientation) plays no role in it.

HOW and WHY would a straight man engage in sex with another man? There are many reasons and when one compares the men who identify as straight, but have sex with men. There are many similarities, which are often different from innately homosexual men.

Sometimes it's "homosexual imprinting" due to sexual abuse experienced as a child. These are men who were born with a heterosexual orientation, but "act out" sexually with men. They continue to "return to the scene of the crime" for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes it's "father hunger". These men long for male approval and recognition which becomes eroticized, much like the trauma of sexual abuse could become eroticized. Sometimes, they just seek affection from another male, especially if they had a cold and distant father. One thing that's always being said by many of the men that fit the profile of a "DL guy", is that their "father never hugged them". Out and proud gay men, rarely say this. We live in a society where men aren't allowed to show affection.

Sexual addiction could also be a reason.

"Straight men will have sex with other men in their addiction to heighten their arousal by doing something shameful and taboo. This is not to say that homosexual behavior is something to be shameful about. For gay and bisexual men, having homosexual sex is natural and an expression of their identity. However, for straight men it is not an expression of their sexual orientation and therefore conflicts with their core values and integrity."

Sometimes, men who suffer from low self esteem seek out sex with other men as it requires fewer social graces. Some times men have desires for certain acts (anal, oral)

Now, clearly I am not saying the above can "make a person gay". But it could make some men "act out" sexually with other men. Their confused mental and emotional states MIGHT resemble the beginning stages of "coming out", but these men were born heterosexual and when they say they "love women" they just might NOT be in denial.

This is reality though. Most just don't know it, as no straight men would be open about this and also because we live in a society that believes sexual behavior defines orientation.

Here is one example of it not:

The belief a man is gay because he likes anal sex. I got news for those who think that:

A LOT of gay men DON'T like anal sex, giving or taking. Most gay men knew they were gay before they even had a concept of sex. So anal sex can not be looked at as something "gay". A man who is naturally drawn and orientated towards women might have a desire for anal sex (or even oral), but feels shameful about it..so he will not bring it up to his wife. This could cause him to seek out no strings, anonymous encounters with other men.

The vaginal aversion concept should be taken into consideration too. Which, I'm not blaming the ladies, but could be attributed to the "size queen" mentality. We live in a society where men's manhood and worth are often measured by the size of their penis. This could turn the beauty and attraction of the vagina, into anxiety ridden pressure and make a man feel like less of a man and cause him to feel he lacks masculinity. ..which in turn "could" cause him to feel a need to to seek out sex with men as a way to connect and psychologically "obtain" it. For a man like this, sex with another man is devoid of such pressure as he is in "familiar territory".

Regardless, cheating is cheating and is wrong and it's reason for any woman to consider a split. However, before you throw a label on the man, it's best to try to understand him. Remember that nobody has the right to tell another what their sexual orientation is....regardless of what kind of behavior they took part in. Not even a therapist does that, they can only assist the individual in finding their innate orientation.

For these men, it's sexual behavior in which love, romance, desire plays no role...THOSE things are what defines orientation. That is what makes a gay man gay.

[Josh501]

I also should mention that I believe a lot of women are under the assumption that these men (the ones who are actually of a gay orientation) are all "closet cases" who consciously marry women knowing they are gay and do not care for them, only use them as a "beard". This isn't true.

Many gay men who married women report feeling genuine love for their wives and of course children (if they had any, which many do). This is common mostly among older men, who had to face dealing with their sexual orientation in a time that was much less tolerate. A lot of them came to the realization during the time when homosexuality was looked at as a curable mental illness, which is it not. They felt getting married would "cure" them, which they later found out wasn't true.

Some, due to religious reasons, professional reasons..had no other choose but to live a lie.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think that it is a 50/50 it is a known fact that some "hide behind a woman" because they don't want their sexuality to be known.

Off course, we are in a different age, one that is way more open, thankfully.

I also look myself at the hurt by women, whom try and try and get so hurt that they do turn to women, i agree with Little on that note.

I am a firm believer that you are who you are and people should accept who you are...regardless.

I am also of the opinion as well, that our genes play a role in whom we "want to be" how we feel and sexuality of bi-sexual can be a bi-curious that eventuates however, a strong believe of one way when we are another is in the genes.

That , is just my "opinion"

CW

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Uh oh, here's a thread that should stay dead, haha.

And yeah, I think that guys and girls both might change teams when the scores are down, convince themself that the grass is greener. The mind is great at self delusion.