[StoneDaleBeauty]

Hi been doing some googling and researching I've just read you can use something called Xylacaine/Lidocaine. I believe it is a numbing cream and I just wondered if anyone has ever used it. I am looking to use it everytime just for the first maybe second time having sex, honestly I have no concern if I don't get any excitement due to it just as long as it allows me & my bf to be sexually intimate without that extreme pain - thanks

[DreamP346]

I recommend you not using numbing creams. Pain is your body's way of telling you things. You don't want to ignore it. You want to listen to it. Pain in not a given the first time. Here is some facts about the myth of pain the first time:


"Much of the pain young women are taught to expect during their first sexual experience actually comes from increased muscle tension due to nervousness. Blood usually comes from vaginal tissue tearing due to lack of lubrication and, ahem, inexperienced love making — not the hymen breaking. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, really; maybe if we stop telling girls to be terrified of the excruciating pain of their first time, things would be a little more comfortable for everyone."


Search the history here. Many people have given good advice about making the first time painless and pleasurable.

[StoneDaleBeauty]

Hi thanks for the response. We have tried just about every time of advice given on making it less painful and honestly nothing has worked. I've been the doctors they suggested KY tried didn't help, other things my doctor mentions was like small surgery which is not something I want to do. Literally running out of ways to reduce the pain but the no sex things is starting to become a problem.

[DreamP346]

Once again, definitely don't use the numbing cream. If you are having so much difficulty, then your body is trying to tell you something. Could be everything from a physical issue to a mental issue. Either one, you don't want to force it and you might do damage to your body.

So a couple of things to consider. First is your relationship. Something like this can be stressful on the relationship. I would advice you to talk with your partner. Not during sex, but when sex is not in the picture at that time. Be very clear that this is going on and that you would like to work through it. If your partner cares of you, he/she may will want to work through this and not add more pressure on you. The pressure will probably just make it worst.

Second, approach sex differently. Don't make intercourse the main objective. Do lots of other things, try intercourse, if is hurts, stop. But continue doing other stuff. This way you don't feel like the session was a failure and also you guys don't get sexually frustrated.

Give it time. Sometimes it can take a long time. I'm talking months. If after a period of time (say 6 months), you are still having difficulty, go see an expert. You say you talked to your doctor. Unfortunately, most doctors are not trained in sexual health. You need to find an expert on this issue. Talk to the local planned parenthood. They usually have lots of good advice and know the right doctors.

Can we ask you what you have tried so far and how many times you have tried intercourse and found it too painful?

[StoneDaleBeauty]

well we've tried different positions and the only time he has got it in I was on top but it was like absolute no movement and never been able to get it in since. I must have been feeling brave that day. We've tried various lubes and condom and no condom. Tried all the foreplay and getting aroused before but doesn't make it any easier if anything it ruins it cos we try it hurts I push him away. The thing were due to try is dilators never heard of them until yesterday but googling them and see the prices they are rather expensive from I've seen we just about get by as it is. I don't think it is anything wrong my body as we have managed to just about get it inside I just think that I'm tight and he's not small x

[DreamP346]

I always say, have an orgasm before intercourse. That is a sure way to relax your muscles down there. Have your partner give you oral or manual to orgasm. Once you are done, then try intercourse. If it hurts, stop but don't push him away. Just say it hurts and that you would like to give him oral instead.

If dilators are too expensive, use fingers. First one, then 2, then 3 and so forth. Remember, it's not going to happen in one day. After many days of trying a single finger and being very comfortable with it, you move to two and slowly keep progressing. Make it part of your sex time. However, don't attempt intercourse until you are comfortable with at least 3 fingers

[Motorguy]

Hi thanks for the response. We have tried just about every time of advice given on making it less painful and honestly nothing has worked. I've been the doctors they suggested KY tried didn't help, other things my doctor mentions was like small surgery which is not something I want to do. Literally running out of ways to reduce the pain but the no sex things is starting to become a problem.

Yes do not do the surgery for this fix the down time to recover is long it's like being cut while having a baby and that is normally a 4 to 5 months healing time. I think you should try fingers with lots of lube make a purchase of some small vibrators and then one a little bigger and work with them till you be able to take boy friend penis then. But this may take several month but don't rush it let your body get used to the feel of a small fake object till you can go bigger. Plus do not and i mean do not use a numbing agent this will cause you way more problems then you want to deal with right now.

[quietlykinky]

Make sure you relax completely or it will hurt cause you'll be all tensed up just try fingers first maybe