[SweetTea]

Hi all,

I will get straight to the point...my boyfriend and I have been together over two years and we currently live together. The past year or so (since about the time we moved in together) the sex has pretty much stopped. It went from a few times a week to once a week and it's now about twice a month. He never initiates the process and about 90% of the time I get turned down when I do. I have talked to him about this and up until recently believed that when he told me he had a low sex drive that he was telling the truth. About a month ago I discovered he watches quite a bit of porn. I tried to talk to him about it and let him know what I was fine with it but wasn't fine with the fact that it had replaced our sex life. Before anyone says anything to me about snooping..I found this on our home computer in the history. He had forgotten to delete it I guess.

Anyways, he proceeded to tell me that guys get bored having sex with the same girl every time and that porn is variety. I asked him what I could do to make him not be bored and he told me nothing. We then ended the discussion by him saying he was going to do better. I found out he is still masturbating and nothing has changed in our sex life. I pushed the issue of what could be done to make it better for him with me and he said that he's bored having sex in our bed in the same positions. This made me lol! I have tried plenty of times to have sex with him in plenty of places and I'm up for whatever position he wants to try. I have even asked if he wanted to try role playing or add toys to the bedroom and he said no to both. I've also tried to watch porn with him and he said it was too awkward.

Also, should I be worried that it's teen porn that he's watching? He's 24 and I'm 23.

I asked if he would be happier if we just split up and he says no and that he doesn't want to lose me and that he will stop watching porn and try harder.

I am worried about the fact that he has a trip to Costa Rica coming up with a friend of his and his family seeing as he's "bored having sex with the same girl"

Help!

[Something_Awesome]

Hey SweetTea, I will try to chime in. I've been with my GF for three years and I feel our sex life is amazing. It is not amazing because I am amazing in bed or because she is, but because we really click. We really enjoy each other. I think sex is best when two people are deeply connected with each other; when there is synergy I guess. I bring this up because I am wondering if it is possible that he may no longer be that in to you.

I don't say this to try to scare you, especially since you moved in with the guy. I am just trying to waive the caution flag. I coukd be totally wrong though (hopefuly).

[PhrendlyPhil]

Sweet Tea: You've offered him more than any man could expect (you've even offered to watch porn with him for gosh sake). To be with you he's going to have to man up. 1) No more masturbating unless it's the two of you masturbating together (or he's doing it while you watch). 2) Make sure he knows you're available to him at all times even if it's just for a quickie. 3) If you're initiating, aim for early morning when mother nature has him erect and before he's had a chance to jack off to porn. If he doesn't grow up quick, you're probably better off moving on to someone more mature (at least about this).

[rcoreyus]

I've been married about 27 years and I"m not bored. As PhrendlyPhil said, you've made every possible offer. Is he wonderful in other ways? If not, then maybe end it peacefully, he is welcome to his porn, and you can find someone who cares about you.

[PinkySweet]

Your pretty much doing all you can do. You trying to introduce new things and spice it up.

[effy2014]

"Guys get bored having sex with the same partner"? What horse-poop.

In a real relationship, intimacy never gets old or boring. It deepens a couple's emotional connection. It is the ideal way to express love, please your partner and allow your partner to please you. Spicing things up is another way to extend this pleasure, but shouldn't be necessary to have intimacy.

Take this opportunity to examine your relationship and where it is headed. If he is bored two years in and has to try harder to be intimate, what happens in 4 years? It sounds to me like he is comfortable with you and would stay in the relationship -- but is that what you want? One of the most important criteria for me in a relationship is passion. If he doesn't have it, he never will.

[SweetTea]

Thanks for the feedback everyone!
I ended up telling him that I wanted to break up. To my surprise he was shocked by this. We went completely silent and asked if I was sure that this is what I wanted. I told him yes and repeated the reasons as to why. He started talking about ways that we could work it out and what we could do differently to fix things and make us both happier.

His main reason was that we don't have fun together anymore. He pointed out that we come home and do nothing, go to sleep and get up and do it all over. He was also upset that I don't hang around when his friends were over. I considered this bro time and figured that they wanted to be left alone. I didn't think about staying around to hang out with them. He stated that he wanted to start doing things after work and on weekends that are fun and not our normal boring chores.

We did end up having (makeup) sex last night. It was amazing and he seemed super turned on. He shocked the heck out of me when he asked if I had any toys. He acted like sex wasn't a job for the first time in a while.

Does this sound like he wants to try or should I prep myself to move on?

[Something_Awesome]

Heck ya dude! Sounds like great results! You've invested a lot in the relationship, and it appears he is responding to you. It would be reckless I think for you to end it without giving it another shot since he had a positive response.

Also, he made some valid points. You need to hang out and bond. Do whatever. Anything. Don't always wait for him to suggest things to do. You should also suggest things to do.

And a lot of guys hate Bro time. I hate Bro time. I like spending my free time with my GF. I only will hang out with the Bros as much as needed to maintain our bond.

[rcoreyus]

I think you have nothing to lose by giving it a try for a while longer. If he falls back into his old pattern though, its time to leave .

[jen1447]

I agree, it sounds promising at this point.

It seems like what typically happens here is much the same for men and women in causes, but different in results. The common thing is that intimacy and/or love and affection are lost, and men then turn to masturbation because they still want to get off and a loveless orgasm is easier to be had that way, while women just tune out. We don't seem to desire the orgasms on their own as much as men do, and the lack of connection only dampens that desire further.