[muffin70]

Well I did it…. I finally brought up the ‘weight’ subject with my wife

We are both in our 40’s and are both overweight and have health problems
I tried to be nice about it and just said I was very concerned about her weight because she is having back / knee problems and she’s been told she probably needs a minor operation on her knee (torn muscle?). I said we have to face the reality that we are not getting any younger and if we don’t make an effort now, we may suffer even more health problems later in life. Even getting up of the sofa / couch after watching TV for an hour or 2 is difficult for her at the moment.
Her trainer at the gym said if she did lose more weight it would be better on her joints and I need to lose more because I'm type 2 diabetic

I told her I love her and she is a beautiful sexy woman, but I would like her to lose weight for her health.

Because of our weight and her leg / back problems – sex is not that easy for her and she cannot do any position other than missionary, and even then she complains that her back or leg hurts afterwards. I think the only reason she does it is because she doesn’t want me to miss out on sexual enjoyment, but if she’s not enjoying it then I don’t want to continue.

I mentioned to her that only 3-4 years ago we were having more regular sex and doing different positions, and her weight hasn't changed a great deal in that time - she is just always too tired, she is not a morning person and her knee / back is too sore... where as I am ready to go in a moments notice!
I am not demanding more sex from my wife, but said if we both lost more weight it would be easier / better for both of us - health wise and sex wise.

I said we really need to lose weight together for each other….. so we can be together forever and enjoy what time we have left on this earth!

My wife got upset about this and started crying – which I kind of expected, and I cuddled her and reaffirmed my love for her.

She was still pretty upset about it this morning, but I think she will be ok

Has anyone else had to bring up the ‘weight’ thing with their partner?

[Something_Awesome]

Luckily, I havn't, but your guts are admirable and I think you did the right thing. Yea it stings, but if she does not cry about the cold hard truth now, she will be crying later on when it's too late and she is wondering why she did not do something about her weight sooner.

I think you guys need to be in this together. Not just exercise, but eat right. It is much easier to avoid tempting foods when everyone in the household is in on it.

Good luck to you both, I'm rootin' for ya!

[PinkySweet]

As long as you did it in a respectful way, good on you.

I mean weight is a touchy subject for most women, you can tell them in the nicest most loving way and it will still upset us sometimes. I mean do things together to help motivate each other. Go walking together or buy some bikes and start doing short rides until yall can handle the distance, go to the gym together.

When your talking to her about going to exercise or losing weight just don't make it all about her.

[DreamP346]

I am a big advocate of losing weight for height reasons and not vanity. Nobody likes to hear it, but its a necessity. I'm sure when the doctor diagnosed you with T2D, you also got advice to lose weight. I'm sure that didn't feel good, but it had to be done.

I've also had the conversation about weight with my husband with no success. I try to do things together, buy healthy foods, etc. He never exercises with me and when he does the groceries, he always buys junk food. He is more evidence based so I calculated his BMI in front of him. I also measured his body fat percentage (I have a device) and expressed my concerns. The problem is that his cardiovascular health is great so he has no motivation to loose weight.

If your wife is not motivated to lose the weight, unfortunately, you can't force her. It really has to be a combined effort. Good luck.

[jen1447]

You did well muffin. Any kind of message like that is painful, but delivering it with unconditional love and support makes it as good as it can be.

[muffin70]

thanks for the replies.... I was as tactful as I could have been really, but she has agreed we need to go through and clean out our pantry.
she always complains to me that I am eating something I shouldn't... she will open and eat a whole block of chocolate and she will give me some and tell me I shouldn't be eating it because of my diabetes, whereas she probably shouldn't be eating it herself.....

she put a blouse on this morning that she'd not worn for a while and I hugged her from behind and told her she was beautiful and she smiled at me... but I started to get an erection (it's been over 2 weeks since any sexual activity) so I went to the bathroom to clean my teeth!