[kira]

If my husband wants sex when I'm tired then he gets to do most of the work. It doesn't take much energy to lay there and enjoy oral. :P In those cases we usually just stick to missionary which is again little effort on my part. Sometimes I actually like sex when I'm tired and sleepy. Put in little effort, enjoy sex, and go to sleep.

[Motorguy]

If my husband wants sex when I'm tired then he gets to do most of the work. It doesn't take much energy to lay there and enjoy oral. :P In those cases we usually just stick to missionary which is again little effort on my part. Sometimes I actually like sex when I'm tired and sleepy. Put in little effort, enjoy sex, and go to sleep.

Well that's a great way to look at it Kira,so you both getting your pleasure and it's it's put's you to sleep as well wow who knew a sleeping agent as well lol.

[kira]

Orgasms actually mimic a part of sleep and as you sleep you go through several states of sexual arousal without knowing it. It's really quite tied together. That's why some people seem to just fall over and go to sleep right after sex. Many just can't help it even if they would like to give more attention to their partner. The changes in brain waves and the hormones released are aimed at relaxation and sleep. It should help you have more energy and require more work and triggers to get stressed during the day.

[Intheshade]

Sex does not always have to be a huge affair. A 2-3 quickies a week with 1-2 times where more effort for great sex is put in, might satisfy your husband while putting less stress on you.

I have 3 kids, so I know being a working mom can be exhausting, but honestly a quickie isn't very time consuming or exhausting and it might be the key to providing your husband with what he needs with out added stress on you.

[kdc]

. . . He was telling me that he thinks we are having issues because we are not having sex at least 4-5 times a week. . . . son who is 17 months, I work M-F 8 hours each day, taking care of a sick mom, and have to keep my own household together so yes by the time i hit the bed I am extremely tired I mean how can you blame me. Also finances are not so great because i am the only one working. :-( So how is it possible for me to have the energy to have sex 4-5 times a week with all this going on. I feel like that is tons of pressure. I thought 1-3 times was perfect for us with all the other things going on in life. . . .

Maybe it's just because I've been married for a kazillion years and have experienced the other issues you've mentioned, but I'm going to be a dissenting voice here. I highly suspect the reason you don't want to have sex four or five times a week is that you feel the husband isn't pulling his share of the load. You know what? I don't blame you. If you don't feel your husband is doing his fair part, it's only natural you're not going to be so eager to go the extra mile for him.

[Motorguy]

Orgasms actually mimic a part of sleep and as you sleep you go through several states of sexual arousal without knowing it. It's really quite tied together. That's why some people seem to just fall over and go to sleep right after sex. Many just can't help it even if they would like to give more attention to their partner. The changes in brain waves and the hormones released are aimed at relaxation and sleep. It should help you have more energy and require more work and triggers to get stressed during the day.

Yes you so right on that Kira it really does.

[DreamP346]

There are a lot of unknown factors here that have to be answered before I can offer any advice.

First, about your/your husband's work situation. A lot of members have commented why he doesn't remedy that. (personal vent, nobody ever considered that maybe it is by choice. Men can be home makers as well. If the situation was reversed, we would not be putting so much emphasis on a woman working when the husband is the sole bread winner.) Is this a choice or was he laid off/can't find work? Do you resent his not working? Is this a situation your husband is content with or depressed being out of work?

Second, does your husband share in household and childcare duties? Is he an equal partner?

Based on your answer, the solution to your situation are different.

Also, you talk about spicing things up. But your husband wants more quantity. These are different factors. Spicing things ups often refers to quality or type of sex. It's like staying "I'll eat more calories per day because I am not getting enough fruits/veggie in my diet." Eating more doesn't ensure you will eat more good foods. Similarly having more sex doesn't mean you will have better sex. The discussion you should have with your husband needs to be clear on what both your needs are. Wanting more sex is perfectly fine, but it should not be confused with quality of sex. What is it you want? Spice things up or increase quantity of sex? Two different questions and two different solutions.

[atskitty2]

"There are a lot of unknown factors here that have to be answered before I can offer any advice."

^I agree sp, but I don't think the OP has been back to answer any of our inquiries

[LilahX]

As others have said, it's all about perspective and compromise. Life after a child is different. Women no longer have just their partner to take up their physical and mental energy (let alone with an ill parent). Personally I think if yr managing sex 3 times a week with a little one your doing brilliantly. Talk about this. Put both your views forward (calmly and non-judgementally) and hopefully you can come to an agreement. As for 'just doing it' - I don't think that attitude is healthy. It's the perfect way to breed resentment - for you bc yr doing it for the wrong reason and for him if he finds out you're just going through the motions. Life constantly changes and as your circumstances evolve (with good communication) this will sort itself out.

[effy2014]

I wonder where the OP went?