[muffin70]

I've probably mentioned this before on here, but my wife has been having on-going physiotherapy on her knee and about 3 months ago she was on the treadmill at the gym and felt a twinge / ping in her knee... last week she had an x-ray and the physiotherapist said she has a type of arthritis on the knee and the 2 bones are sometimes rubbing together, so she is seeing a surgeon next month and will almost certainly have an operation on her knee.
She is pretty gutted about this as am I.

anyway my wife confessed to me last night that since her knee has been sore (pretty much since end of last year) she's not really enjoyed sex at all (we can only do missionary anyway) and even when I stimulate her to orgasm with my fingers, when she orgsasms her knees twinge and it hurts. She hasn't told me this until now because she does not want me to miss out on getting my satisfaction..... I feel upset that I have been causing my wife pain and that she never mentioned anything to me.

She said to me that if I need 'relief' I can masturbate myself, but it's not the same without her involment... and I don't fancy masturbating myself in bed, while she is lying next to me trying to get to sleep.... She said we can still have sex if I really want it, but I don't want to do anything that hurts her....

Hsa anyone else been in a similar situation?

[jns]

Does she have enough of a sex drive to masturbate you or give you oral? She should be able to do either and not move her knee. Medication for her knee may be depressing her sex drive.

[jen1447]

Give her some Ibuprofen. That stuff's magic. Seriously tho, is there nothing that can take the edge off her knee pain?

[kira]

Ibuprofen doesn't do crap to knee pain like that. I was given a prescription NSAID called diclofenac but any long term NSAID use whether over the counter like ibuprofen or prescription can cause an ulcer and has been shown to actually increase the damage to tissue in arthritis situations. It does lower inflammation though so that incidences where the bones rub does not have as much impact on the soft tissue around it. A brace helped my knee some. I'm not at the point of needing surgery though. Since I had to stop the diclofenac and can only take tylenol which also does nothing I've just been living with the pain. I wasn't real active over the winter though because I started having back pain too. Did physical therapy this spring and ended up with a surgery to relieve pressure on my spine. Still trying to get the area drained and the incision closed up but my back is much improved. I'm back to the knee problems being my biggest issue.

Even if a brace does not help activity on her feet it might stabilize the knee for sex. You might also see if you can find a variation of everything that does not spread the legs. It will stress the supportive tissue less. I don't think I could make closed leg missionary type position work. I did accomplish laying on my side with the guy behind me but he was a big guy. We did try laying on our sides facing each other once but I can't remember if it fully worked and that would spread one leg. If everything you do causes the knee to contract and that's where the pain is coming from a muscle relaxant might help. A doctor may have an idea for something like that.

[DreamP346]

I think there are two issues here that may be related or not: desire and pain. If pain is causing the desire loss, then you can explore other ways to be sexual. Like others suggested, she gives you oral or manual and you can give her a sensual massage. Some men like to masturbate on their partner's body. You have to both be open and willing to explore.

If the desire problem is not related to the pain, then that is a whole other issue. Since it happened once the pain started, maybe it has something to do with medication. Try to figure out what it is so you can then try to deal with it.

[effy2014]

This may be the one time you get sidelined for sex. As I understand it, sex hurts her knee in every position and manipulating her to an orgasm in any way sends twinges of pain to her knee. I sense that the reverse is true as well -- she just can't get comfortable to get you off. My suggestion is to share intimacy in other ways -- kiss more, cuddle more and touch more without the mission to give her an orgasm. I wouldn't try drugs to lessen the pain for her . . . my SO's enjoyment of sex is as important as the event itself. Drugs to make sex tolerable just so I could get off would kill the mood for me. Thankfully, this will just be for several months.

I wouldn't stress over her selflessness over the past 6 months. I would feel the same way as you; I am sure you told her that your satisfaction is not nearly important enough to cause her physical pain. Give her huge relationship points for loving you as much as she does, redeemable when she is laid up after the operation. Best of luck to you both.

[muffin70]

thanks for the replies - she's never really had a huge sex drive and once a week seems to be ok with her.
she is taking Ibuprofen and tumeric tablets and they are helping to an extent, but she finds it uncomfortable to bend her legs to make way for me to penetrate her.
We tried Doggy style about a month ago and I hadn't even got my erection close to her and she said it was too painful on the knees.
I support her 100% and want her to get better so she can enjoy life again. I'm not putting any pressure on her to have sex

Unfortunately she is not too good at hand jobs or blow jobs....

I was just upset at her because she'd being essentiaqlly 'faking' her emotions during sex.
She told me she was sorry and said she really loves me and didn't mean to hurt my feelings
we've agreed to have a romantic night on saturday, as my band are not playing - so that's something to look forward to

[aenasharma]

I’m really sorry to hear what you and your wife are going through. It’s tough when health issues start affecting intimacy too. You’re not alone, many couples face similar challenges, and open communication (like the one you’ve had) is such a strong step forward. Sending you both strength while you navigate this.

[fishinghat]

Wife and I have had multiple back surgeries so we understand the situation. No nsaids and diflofenec has limited effect. We have learned to lean on either menthol (like icyhot) or lidocaine. Both are topical and work well for that type of pain. They are not only for pain releif but also anti-inflammitory which also helps.