[LoganSavannah]

Okay, so, here's the situation:
I'm 20; my fiancee is 21.
We've been together for 3 years.
2 problems.
We've had these issues randomly over the last few years.
Most of the time, sex is normal.
Sometimes we'll be right in the middle of intercourse and he just goes completely limp and can't get hard again no matter how hard we try. It makes me feel ugly and like I'm not doing enough despite him saying its all his fault (like that makes it any better). He gets angry and upset and says there's got to be something wrong.
I'm not cocky by no means, but I do see myself as relatively attractive as I model occasionally for some extra cash.
This happened almost every time we had sex for the first 7-8 months of our relationship. I figured it was just because we were both nervous about a new sexual experience. So after a few months it almost stopped completely. We experimented in the bedroom as often as we could and we rarely ran into this problem. But when we did, I told him it was okay, that I had already gotten off (lie), and that we could try again later if that's what he wanted to do. Most of the time he would fall right asleep or he would just give up and we'd go about our night as usual. Then there were a few times when he would wait about an hour or so and we'd get started again and things would go pretty well (it felt great but I still couldn't get off).
Though, lately its become almost as routine as our schedules. We have sex for about 15 minutes, he goes limp, he gets upset, we don't have sex for a few days.
What can I do to help him? Is there something wrong that I can fix?

On to problem number 2:
I can't seem to have an orgasm. I've had to lie to him so many times about it to save his pride... I can't stand to see him hurt... And the one time in 4 years that I told him that I didn't get off, he was so depressed that he didn't want to have sex anymore because he felt like he "wasn't good enough" or "wasn't big enough"
There's been a few times that I think I've had an orgasm but I'm not really 100% sure. And most people tell me that if it really is an orgasm, you'll know. I'm just wondering if there are like... different levels of intensity or anything like that. The times I 'think' I had an orgasm were all when we would have sex I could feel him getting close and when he 'finished' it would feel amazing (I'm allergic to latex so we've never used a condom and don't really plan to since we have our own place and are financially stable enough for children) but I never really... felt myself let go... if that makes sense...
I want to know that there is something we can do to fix these problems so that our sex-life doesn't go down the drain... We've tried everything I've read about in magazines.
We've tried everything!
Toys
new positions
anal
we've discussed everything that we like, even told our dirtiest fantasies...
we laid in bed naked for hours and just explored and found out what we both like and don't like sexually
we've tried pills
lubes
counseling
porn
making videos and reviewing everything under the sun
we changed our diets
schedules
routines
clothes...
I'm pretty sure if you name it we've tried it.
Does this mean that there's something wrong with us? I love him with all my heart and he loves me.. but we can't live the rest of our lives together if we can't enjoy sex... If we can't fix it, we will break up and no one wants that....
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!

[jns]

Problem number 1 may be that he idolizes you too much. That makes it so he doesn't relax enough. That happens a few times and his state of mind is that "oh no, I'm going to go limp again." That frame of mind creates a self fulfilling fantasy that is only overcome by his sexual tension rising over several days, to a point that he finishes before doubts creep in. Maybe something like drinking a bit before sex will loosen him up and keep him from doubting himself (false courage).

For problem 2 I have a question because I think you left getting oral out: does he give you good oral? Oral should be directed at the clitoris unless it has been shown to be good elsewhere. Does he do that?

[Motorguy]

Well Logan, I see maybe your boy friend is worried you being your very beautiful you may leave if your doing some model work seeing other hot guys. He's has a low self of steam because he thinking to much during sex with you. It seem you not a lot didn't things to fix the problem from your post. But if you do love him maybe seek out side professional help with a sex therapist to get to the root of the problem no pun intended there. I am going to ask this anyway is boy friend using any drugs or drinking to much with the boys or watching to much porn that could cause a erection problem. If it's not then pretty much my self it's all in your boy head something is messing it up while you too are in bed. So seeing a true license therapist could get the right answer and fix your boy friends problem. So good luck I hope it works out for you both.

[LoganSavannah]

We've seen therapists before but it hasn't helped... And no he rarely drinks and we don't do drugs of any kind. We both smoke cigarettes and that's it. He's even against taking Tylenol. And he's really good at oral and he says I am as well... "sex without head isn't sex at all" hahaha
I went out today for my birthday with some girlfriends and bought a few things at an adult toy store that we haven't tried. Hopefully, we can resolve these problems with a little effort ;P If all else fails, we're going to the doctor for some information and maybe they can tell us if something is wrong.
He thinks all this is just because we're both so worried about something being physically wrong with us. He may have a point.
Thank you for your input! I'll be sure to inform if the magic moment happens or not lol