[sarah1212]

Hi everyone! I am new to this website and thought it would be a great forum to ask advice on. I've got a sticky situation and would really appreciate any feedback:

A little background info: I am 18 and have been masturbating starting at a very young age. The only way I could orgasm was from applying pressure to my clit, like grinding on a chair. Then I discovered porn, which heightened my orgasms. Long story short, I've continued to orgasm from grinding my vagina against my chair while watching porn (sorry vivid image but its important). I could rub myself as well during masturbation, but only after I grinded for awhile and got that familiar sensation.

This has of course been a problem with my significant others in the past. I basically gave up on ever achieving orgasm with my partner. I figured I absolutely needed the porn to orgasm.

I am now in a wonderful relationship with my current boyfriend. I am more than comfortable with sharing this problem with him. He is very understanding and forgiving which i am extremely thankful for. But it isn't enough for me. I want more than anything to orgasm for him. And trust me -- he is beyond excellent in bed with EVERYTHING; i know my problem is psychological.

So i started reading about my problem and seeing if other women were in the same boat -- orgasming with a certain technique and also needing porn. Basically i found articles over "death grip," a condition that a lot of men go through. They watch porn/masturbate so much that it causes problems in their sex lives. Like me!!

So i discovered that my brain is wired to orgasm from the way i have been doing it all these years. So i started to try masturbating a different way -- instead of grinding on my chair while i watch porn, i would just purely touch myself down there while i watched it. This way i wasnt desensitizing my clitoris and training it to cum a different way. It was hard but it worked!!! I did it a few times and it worked -- it was definitely different but still amazing.

This is good, because now i know it isnt just the porn holding me back but also my technique. Now that i have changed my technique, i know i am able to orgasm from just touch. The next thing to get rid of is the porn im pretty sure. I've been about 1-2 weeks without it as of today.

I guess my question is am i on the right path to orgasming with my partner? I found a new way to masturbate, but i know i would need porn to fully get off. This is why i think abstaining from porn and masturbating IN GENERAL should help me. I just really need to get out of this death grip.

Abstaining from porn is kind of frustrating: no masturbating = no orgasm AND partner foreplay = no orgasm as well. I guess it is just a tough time.

Anyone go through something similar like this that can help me out? Anything is appreciated :-) Just really want to be on the right path and rewire my brain after all these years!!

Thanks!!

[Motorguy]

Well Sarah I heard this condition happening to men but never women so I first for me on this. Had you thought about getting a vibrating toy before or have and still grinding on the chair did it for you. From what I read for you it seem you on the right path with not watching so much porn. But for you having a boy friend who you said is pretty good lover so porn won't be needed in your sex life for the time being. But foreplay with a toy with BF can add some more excitement in the bedroom as well. Then on those nights he's not around and those feeling come up you have the vibrating helping hand.I wish you luck to me you seem like you kind of figure out your problem. Have some fun and lets us know how it go's for you in the near future thanks.

[jen1447]

I think you're on a potentially successful path hon. See how it goes.

My general advice to people who want badly to orgasm a certain way is to try to stop trying to orgasm that way lol. It's kind of a self-defeating thing because it's really easy to think "I bet I won't be able to do it," which is not a good mindset. I'd just try having fun with your man and let come what may, at least for a start.

[sarah1212]

For sure. I really think it's just going to take time. Like i said ive been doing it for years, so it's not something that will come so easy. Things feel really great in bed so that's not the problem, just a matter of changing my ways i guess. Just really hard to imagine getting the same feeling now that i got from my old ways. It's just a really specific feeling and i have never even come close to it before in bed.