[Romy]

So curious....was losing your virgintiy planned or did it just happen? Do you regret anything in hindsight? What advice would you give to those yet to make that step?

[Susan Sweetlove]

I lost my virginity at age 15 with my sister's boyfriend. He was 21. I can't say it was exactly planned but it wasn't a surprise. I had noticed him looking at me a lot when he was visiting my sister. I thought he was really cute. One evening he dropped by our house when my mom and sister were at work. (My sister was 18. My parents were divorced so it was just the three of us at home.) He asked if my sister was home which was a lie because he know her work schedule. He was just using it as an excuse to be around me. I invited him in and we started to talk. He kept telling me how cute I was. Soon he was touching me and we started kissing. Before I knew it we pulled our clothes off and we were on the sofa. He performed oral on me, then I performed oral on him, then we had vaginal intercourse. I asked him not to cum inside me because I wasn't on birth control. So I finished him off orally (I thought that was normal anyway from watching my mom's secret porn video stash.)

He and I continued to have sex for a couple of weeks until my sister caught us one day. Needless to say she was pretty mad and so was my mom when she told her. I called them both hypocrites because I knew they both had sex regularly with their boyfriends. Anyway, my mom tried to ground me for a couple of months but I just snuck around and started having sex with other guys until she gave up and got me on the pill like she did for my sister.

I can't say I have any regrets. I had been wanting to have sex for a long time and once I started I know their was no way I could stop. I don't really have any advice because each situation is so unique. I really don't think you can plan ahead for "just the right time" or "wait until your ready." It seems people only talk about "waiting for the right time" when it comes to girls, not boys. People accept that boys want sex but somehow girls are supposed to be the gatekeepers of their virginity.

My only advise is be sure that you don't get pregnant. Use a condom, get on contraceptives, or use oral like I did.

[effy2014]

Susan -- that would be statutory rape in any US jurisdiction. I suppose my first piece of advice would be don't commit a crime, don't take advantage of your partner and make sure you have unassailable consent from a partner who can legally give it.

I lost mine at 16 and she was also 16. We had been dating for 5 months and, although we had planned it, it just happened. I could pontificate about the need for a relationship and some kind of emotional connection, but at that age, it seems rather silly. You just hope that the boy and girl have some compassion for each other because it will be awkward, messy and not very pleasurable.

My only real piece of advice is to really know how pregnancy works and birth control. Parents who do not take an active role in making sure their children are educated about it are guilty of neglect. Be prepared and insist -- really insist -- on using birth control. The worst thing is to ruin your life with an unplanned pregnancy. I think having an abortion is far far worse than a bad first sexual experience. Girls who don't think that they can get pregnant if he pulls out before orgasm or are willing to take the risk because the odds are their favor are dumb dumb dumb. Boys who do not plan on using a condom every time are uncaring and stupid.

[Elena_EvilEye]

I lost my virginity when I was 14 to my husband my then BF who was 14 also not a lot of people can say that. We had been together for a few months before we had sex, we were very sexually attracted to each other, he was very developed for a 14 year old, he was 6ft, had a hairy chest,legs, arms etc and he had some facial hair creeping in.

We had sex when we went to his house after school to "do some homework" but our instincts got the better of us we were planning on having sex at some time soon we had bought condoms and BC luckily he had a condom on. I come from a Portuguese Catholic family and we went to a nominal Catholic school so that adds an extra dimension. I think both my Mum and Dad finally knew I lost my virginity when me and hubby went on a camping trip-just the two of us aged 18.

I do not regret losing my virginity to my husband he is the man I always wanted to be with and love. As for whether it was the right time I'm not so sure because there was always the risk of pregnancy but it was gonna happen sooner or later so I guess I don't regret anything.

[DreamP346]

I was in college. The man was my boyfriend but I had no allusions of being in love with him. I just wanted to experience sex. More than anything else, it was my rebellion against a culture that values women's virginity while praising a man's sexual prowess. I new that if I never met somebody that I really want to be with for the rest of my life, he better be somebody that didn't care if I was a virgin or not. I came from a very conservative culture where girls didn't even talk to boys unless they were family.

I thought I knew about sex because I learned everything about pregnancy and STI prevention. We used a condom. But looking back, boy, I didn't know anything. So my advice to anything starting their sexual life would be to learn, learn and learn. Not just about pregnancy and disease prevention. Learn their own bodies, especially for girls. Learn about orgasms, what is real and what is just Hollywood fairy tales. Learn how to negotiate a relationship with your partner. Learn that virginity is just a social concept that women don't "give it" to a guy. Learn that sexual orientation isn't so clear cut and not to get stuck up with labels of straight, gay, bi. That you have your whole life ahead of you so don't rush. Its not a sprint but rather a slow marathon. That sex can be a wonderful natural experience that they don't have to be ashamed of. At the same time, it is a huge responsibility. Don't be taken by the TV hype or what your friends say they are doing. Have sex because you are ready for it, want to have it and feel responsible enough to have sex.

[Susan Sweetlove]

Learn that virginity is just a social concept that women don't "give it" to a guy.

What a great statement! This is a point that has always infuriated me, that girls are expected to be virginal and reluctant to have sex while everyone expects accepts boys to be horny and promiscuous. If a guy wants casual sex without commitment that's "normal", but if a girl wants casual sex without commitment she's "abnormal." If a guy wants to have sex with multiple partners he's just "playing the field" but if a girl has multiple partners she's a "****."

Women are not allowed to own their own sexuality, it's a "gift" she gives to a man who then controls her image.

[bootsie]

So curious....was losing your virgintiy planned or did it just happen? Do you regret anything in hindsight? What advice would you give to those yet to make that step?

I lost mines the way No!! one would have like to loose their virginity and yes I will say that there was regrets there.

[Lovcookie]

I actually started a tad late. I was on the shy side in my teens. I was 21. I had met this hot black chick in the night club. We chatted and danced but that was it. A few weeks later the boys and I went to a strip club. We got front row seats. To my surprise she was about the 3rd girl to come out on stage. She noticed me. Later when I was walking to the washroom I bumped into her (their changing room was near by behind a huge bouncer). We started chatting etc again. She told me I hope to see you at the night club the next week. We did meet up. Nearing the end of the night (maybe 1am) I showed her my car outside (it was a muscle car, big mag wheels, dual hood scoop etc). We sat in the back seat and after a bit she asked if I had a condom but I did not. She basically started to **** me but told me don't cum inside. I was on my back and she rode me. It did not last that long (for some reason I did not cum) probably because a few people were not that far away walking around the parking lot and it was on my mind. I could feel the car shaking and bouncing even though she was ****ing me in a experienced controlled way. Her eyes would look outside now and then. As we were walking out back to the club entrance she noticed her bf walking from the street side nearing the club entrance looking for her. Basically she said a "four" letter "my boy friend" word and told me I better go. I casually walked in the other direction back to my car and left. I never saw her again. I never told anyone until now. I even got myself STD tested the following week. I was clean.

[jilljames8184]

Lost mine to a married guy that I was dating. I thought we were in love; turned out that I was but he wan't. He was supposed to leave his wife so he and I could be married. This was the story he used to get into my panties. I thought I had found my mate for life until he never called me again or never returned my calls. He went back to his wife like nothing had happened. So as far as the thread title; I regret that I so naive.

[Hell on Wheels]

Hah! What you think you know as "kids". Ninth grade, both of us 14. They closed my Jr high school and shipped me off to a new one for the last year. First day of summer football practice at the new school, the cheerleaders are also there, I make eye contact with one. Pursuit begins, we become "the couple". A few months later, it's new year's eve 1977 and we are IN LOVE! I had just given her the $50 "pre-engagement" diamond chip ring for Christmas, pledged myself to her forever. Her parents were going out, we planned the whole thing proper, very romantic with lots of "I love you sooooooooo much" before and during what turned out to be the best 30 seconds of my life before I pulled out and finished on her stomach. She had no frame of reference how long I was supposed to last and being that young, I never lost my erection and went right back in after cleaning up and that one lasted a few minutes longer. Then we decided not to push our luck, went back to the living room and fell asleep in each other's arms, half-sitting and fully clothed, on the couch where her parents would expect to find us when they got home.

I do not know that I have ever again experienced that particular level of intensity, what with the young hormones and first time seeing a girl I "loved" totally naked and ready like that, and the fear of her dad (who was also my sensei) coming home in the back of my head.

When you are young and foolish, you are indeed, young and foolish. But I would not trade that night for the world. But I'm glad it happened in the context of monogamy and love to the extent that I understood those concepts. I like to believe it shaped me and helped me in my effort to be a decent, loyal and loving husband.