[flg6yub]

I have been in a relationship for almost a year now, we have fallen head over heels in love and are really comfortable with each other, so I can safely say we have an emotional connection. We are both from religious backgrounds, and want to hold off from sex until after marriage. The thing is, we still want to get comfortable with each others bodies and rhythms, so we have decided that we will go down the route of foreplay, and if it leads anywhere else then we will deal with that.

The only thing is, no matter how close to orgasm he gets, he just does not ejaculate. We talked, and he said he has never even finished himself during masturbation, and we are already in our mid twenties. It isn't a fear thing, he said he just gets to a point where he's been trying too long and gets bored. He tells me he enjoys what I'm doing, and I let him guide me with whatever feels good for him, so it isn't like I am doing something wrong (as far as I know!). He'll be right on the cusp of it, but it just never happens. I've not taken it personally, I know delayed ejaculation happens for lots of guys, but I really want him to enjoy himself. Any advice? Is it purely psychological? He says the only time it has happened is in his sleep, so it can't be physical?

[Silvervine]

This sounds like a guilt/shame thing perhaps stemming from his religious upbringing. Due to the fact that he can ejaculate in his sleep (wet dreams), I don't think there isn't anything physically wrong with him. His body is just releasing all his sexual tension during his sleep. This is normal, happens to both men and women!

So I would say that whatever is going on with him is all in the mind. It's a good thing that you two are fooling around though, you are doing the right thing. If you plan on marrying this man, then this is all important for a healthy relationship. He just needs to let go of whatever it is that's holding him back. He might have been caught masterbating by his parents/relatives when he was a teen. So he may have been shamed for it and the 'no sex before marriage' could have been drilled into his head from his young adolescence (and especially during those important years when he was meant to be exploring his sexuality). Or it might have been religious values that he was brought up with (like he should be saving his seed for the woman he is married to). He might not be thinking this during masterbation or foreplay, but it might be playing on his mind somewhere subconsciously where his mind might be yelling STOP right before a release. Because even during masterbation, the more you stimulate yourself the more you crave. You build up and you release. It's just the way it is for everyone. A lifetime of feeling pleasure through self pleasure but just 'giving up' because of boredom doesn't sound right.

It does sound like there are genuine feelings of love and you two are quite serious about each other. Because of this, I'd suggest that the two of you should go see a therapist. Just keep telling him that you are in this together as a couple and make sure he knows that you're there to support him. He just needs to get to the cause of it all.

[PhrendlyPhil]

You just need a good lubricant (try Astroglide) and some encouraging naughty words (e.g. "I want you to cum all over my breasts") and you'll bring him over the edge.

[Motorguy]

I have been in a relationship for almost a year now, we have fallen head over heels in love and are really comfortable with each other, so I can safely say we have an emotional connection. We are both from religious backgrounds, and want to hold off from sex until after marriage. The thing is, we still want to get comfortable with each others bodies and rhythms, so we have decided that we will go down the route of foreplay, and if it leads anywhere else then we will deal with that.

The only thing is, no matter how close to orgasm he gets, he just does not ejaculate. We talked, and he said he has never even finished himself during masturbation, and we are already in our mid twenties. It isn't a fear thing, he said he just gets to a point where he's been trying too long and gets bored. He tells me he enjoys what I'm doing, and I let him guide me with whatever feels good for him, so it isn't like I am doing something wrong (as far as I know!). He'll be right on the cusp of it, but it just never happens. I've not taken it personally, I know delayed ejaculation happens for lots of guys, but I really want him to enjoy himself. Any advice? Is it purely psychological? He says the only time it has happened is in his sleep, so it can't be physical?

These sounds more like the I can't pee with others in the public restroom syndrome. With your boy friend religious up bringing he holding back with his ejaculation for you. So my self this is a psychological problem your boy friend is suffering from. I think seeing a sexy therapist may help him relax and allow him to ejaculate for you when he can make him self relaxing knowing that masturbating is not a bad thing but a very normal and health processes in everyday life.

[flg6yub]

Thanks for all your insights! We talked some more, and decided he maybe just needed to relax, stop focussing on how I was feeling and just let me take care of him. And it happened twice in the one session! It was definitely psychological, and I'm so super excited for him and us that he got to enjoy that! The excitement of it led to a string of 5 pretty intense orgasms for me, so all in all the advice was very much appreciated!

[Motorguy]

That's good to read that Flg much of this end's up always being all mental. It's nice you both are having a good time now. So good luck in the future with your sex life with your boy friend.