[udkm87]

I've been with my BF for 2 years. I recently figured out he's been watching porn every single day once I leave for work. A lot of it has been gay porn, too. (I believe he's straight...I think he watches it because nothing else excites him as much due to watching SO much porn) The kicker is he's a recent recovering alcoholic. During his drinking days, I caught him a few times on grindr, a gay/bi chat phone app (pics & all). He claims it was just another "exciting" form of porn & he'd never ever meet up with anyone. He stopped using the app when he stopped drinking.

I know men watch porn a lot. It's normal. But we are having sex once a week, maybe twice. He recently opened a business & puts in a lot of long hours, so he blames a lot on stress, which I believe, but I'm an attractive woman, I don't shoot him down & our sex is great when we have it. Days where he doesn't jerk off (RARE!), he's usually all over me. So I'm just aggravated & confused.

I've confronted him many times telling him that it's hurting our relationship. He said he'd cut down (I never asked him to stop) but he's STILL doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY & is now straight up lying & gets really defensive. Usually ends up blaming me somehow. I'm about ready to **************************** block all the websites on his computer just to prove a point that he can't go a day without it. Am I overreacting to him watching so much porn or is he straight up disrespecting me at this point? I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

[Baboy]

Welcome to the forum.

I am not sure how many responses you'll see. This topic has been aired quite thoroughly on a number of occasions on WH. For a recent discussion, see:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/dating/66879-my-boyfriend-watches-porn-1-a.html

Many members might be experiencing a bit of "my bf loves porn" fatigue along about now.

And it's not just the guys overdosing on porn, viz.:

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/67299-wife-prefers-porn-over-sex.html

Try using the search feature with search terms such as "boyfriend watches porn" (without the quotes) and sit back and enjoy the amount of material you will dredge up. Some of it also deals with the gay porn issue in non-gay relationships.

As for your comment "I know men watch porn a lot. It's normal." Not sure I agree. Common perhaps, but watching "a lot" I would not consider normal. Daily partaking of porn I would consider "a lot" and not "normal".

[effy2014]

This has nothing to do with you -- how attractive you are, how sexy you are and how much sex you are willing to have. It is about him and his addiction issues. Most men are able to control their pornography habits and do not let it affect their sex lives. Unfortunately, your BF is not one of them.

To answer your question, you are not overreacting and are truly being disrespected. I would also be most concerned about the lack of honest communication about the porn issue, his defensiveness, blaming you for his actions and the lying. The gay porn stuff is also a bit disconcerting.

As for what to do, I would ask you why you are with a man who acts in this manner, but you will no doubt respond that he is perfect in every other way. :roll eyes: Therefore, I will ask how far are you willing to go to insist that the behaviors stop? The two of you need to honestly communicate -- NOT fight -- about how his actions make you feel as his partner and as a woman. He needs to make a plan to rid himself of this newest addiction.

[Farmer by trade]

Sorry to hear about your issues with your boyfriend. You don't tell us much about your age, living together kids, working status etc.
You sound like a young attractive women. He sounds a little like trouble. Do you see him as the father of your children? Grand Children? Life is a long time. It is really really important that you choose wisely who you will spend the rest of your life with. Marriage / permanent relationships are tough so now us the time to evaluate if this relationship is right for you before spending 10 years or starting a family with this guy

[Motorguy]

I've been with my BF for 2 years. I recently figured out he's been watching porn every single day once I leave for work. A lot of it has been gay porn, too. (I believe he's straight...I think he watches it because nothing else excites him as much due to watching SO much porn) The kicker is he's a recent recovering alcoholic. During his drinking days, I caught him a few times on grindr, a gay/bi chat phone app (pics & all). He claims it was just another "exciting" form of porn & he'd never ever meet up with anyone. He stopped using the app when he stopped drinking.

I know men watch porn a lot. It's normal. But we are having sex once a week, maybe twice. He recently opened a business & puts in a lot of long hours, so he blames a lot on stress, which I believe, but I'm an attractive woman, I don't shoot him down & our sex is great when we have it. Days where he doesn't jerk off (RARE!), he's usually all over me. So I'm just aggravated & confused.

I've confronted him many times telling him that it's hurting our relationship. He said he'd cut down (I never asked him to stop) but he's STILL doing it EVERY SINGLE DAY & is now straight up lying & gets really defensive. Usually ends up blaming me somehow. I'm about ready to ************************************************** ****** block all the websites on his computer just to prove a point that he can't go a day without it. Am I overreacting to him watching so much porn or is he straight up disrespecting me at this point? I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Well Udkm this is completely disrespectful to you period. I watch porn with my wife when we are bed. But if your boy friend watching so gay porn does not take a genius that he liking more maybe hooking up with a gay man. He can talk till he's blue in the face but your boy friends has some serous issue so you need to have a face to chat with him. With him watching so much gay porn is disrespectful to you as a women. So then give him a ultimatum either you or his gay porn.

[raindancer]

Perhaps he's suffering with it as much as you are.

You say sex is great when you have it. OK.

But perhaps he's having difficulties to get ready for sex. Perhaps all the drinking, and the stress of his working situation, together with being tired of long hours, it all makes it difficult for him to have an erection.

Watching porn and masturbating is the lazy way. If he's having sex with you, he has to cater for your pleasure, too, work on foreplay, etc. With porn, he gets excited by just clicking with a mouse, then uses his hand and gets instant gratification. It's just so much easier than real sex.

Also, perhaps after the confrontations with you, he sees it as a chore, both psychological and physical. You're the nagging one, now.

I'm not saying you're wrong to feel as you do and to demand what you want from him! I'm just saying there are two sides to a situation involving two people.

You know what I'd do? Instead of blocking the Internet sites, I'd put some gay porn on the big screen. I'd get on my knees and give him a great blowjob while he watched it. I'd lighten up the sex pressure in the house.

I'd also have an open heart conversation, something between best friends, not between aggravated lovers. I'd tell him how I feel, but I'd mainly be interested to know how he's feeling, to let him know I'm his friend and that he can count on me, trust me and talk to me.

I'm really not implying you're wrong and this man is some martyr. I'm just saying I wouldn't give up without really giving it my best shot. Sometimes, even when we're right and the rest of the world is wrong, stepping back and giving them space, diplomacy, is the only way out of a crisis.

Is he gay, bi, or something else? I don't know. Not necessarily.

My man likes to see shemale porn, sometimes. He felt comfortable enough to tell me that. I was over the moon. Not because of the porn, but because he knows I'm his best friend. I know he's not gay. Sometimes I watch porn that's very extreme. I don't wanna do those things! It's just watching. Not even a fantasy. I rarely watch porn, but when I watch, I watch extreme stuff. Go figure!

I hope you don't misunderstand my post. I'm just offering another perspective.

[c130_captain]

I don't think any straight man would ever ever watch gay porn...even if it's discreetly. This has nothing to do with homophobic either. Anyway, I'm a guy who do watch free porn almost everyday; however, I also have sex with my wife and pleasure her with sustained intimacy often. I think it could be due to my sexual drive of wanting sex 3 times a day and my wife can only go in spurt (she usually needs a few days to "recover" if we've had a lot of sex in a span of 24 hours). I take full advantage of the times she's ready and when I get her in the mood, but our sex life goes in spurts (lots of sex for 1-2 days, then a week off...etc). I wish I have the discipline to space out the sex and not constantly go all out on her all the time so that we can have sex every 2-3 days, but I just get so turned on by her that we keep going and going multiple times when it happens.

Anyway, all I'm saying is watching porn everyday isn't necessarily a bad thing (unless he's watching gay porn while being in a straight relationship with a woman). As long as the actual sexual relationship with his real life partner is still there then it doesn't hurt to supplement porn to masterbate with in the "off" time. I know my wife would much rather let me watch and masturbate to porn rather than go out and cheat on her with a mistress on the side or something (which I would never do). Awhile back, I did go through a slight phase of preferring porn over my wife, but that disappear and now even though I watch porn almost everyday, I still want to have passionate to rough sex with my wife every chance I get.

[SwisherSweet906]

You're being disrespected. I know my belief isn't popular, but I don't think any form of pornography should have any place in a relationship.

The purpose of porn is to arouse and excite the viewer. If you are in a relationship, your partner alone should be the only one arousing you.

Whether he's watching other guys and getting off, or watching other women, the fact is in your post you included that you are an "attractive" woman. This proves that his addiction is making you begin to question whether or not you are enough to satisfy him.

He has a serious addiction and needs help. You shouldn't have to be in this position.

[Farmer by trade]

I think it is absolutely wrong if you masterbate instead of satisfying your SO. It should never interfere with your ability to sexually satisfy your partner. If it interferes then it should be reduced or discontinued.

Have you (OP) been able to have any heart to heart discussions with your boyfriend?