[honeybee888]

Does having sex soon in a relationship matter to a guy?? Here is my dilemma and something I want opinions on. I have been with my boyfriend a year and a half. We started living together. We are in our mid to late 20's. I found him through a dating site. We talked for almost a month on there before he suggested meeting up. I had sex with him the second time we saw each other. He never saw another girl after the first time and him him hung out and I have not had sex with another man either. It bugs me to know end that I did that because I know that 'the chase' is something guys like. However, I also feel like it is dumb and it is something I don't necessarily do. I always felt like if you like the person you should tell him be straight up and there is nothing wrong with being available when you can be. I always felt like games are immature. Am I wrong for thinking that? I agree a chase can be fun, but I really like this person and we had a lot in common. I know he feels the same. He stated last night (forgot what we were talking about) he likes the 'top notch chicks'. Ones that are hard to get and a good person. I brought up the fact how I slept with him that soon. He said there is more to a person that how fast they have sex with them. It bothers me becasue I do not want to always have that judgement on me and it makes me feel like i ruined my chances of him respecting me/wanting me as much as he could. Does sleeping with a person that soon really matter to a guy?

[effy2014]

Has he given you any "objective" reason to lead you to believe that he does not respect you? You asked him directly whether your sleeping with him on the second date made him disrespect you -- and he said that there is far more to a "top notch chick" and a good person than the speed to which the two of you had sex. Did you not believe him?

The "objective" signs point to the fact that he loves you and respects you. He has been with you a year and a half (or a year and 5 months after you slept with him), you are now living with each other and, it appears, you are confident that he is both monogamous and has feelings for you. Why would he stick around if he disrespected you or was making a negative judgment about you?

Does it matter to a guy if a woman has sex with him "too soon"? The question itself seems odd since the man is fully participating in this act. If he had an issue with it, why would he have sex with you? And, if he did have an issue and only had sex because you were being slu..ty, why would he have called you for the third date? I think that you are letting your own insecurity get the best of you and projecting feelings on your boyfriend that he does not have about you.

If you have read any if my other posts, you will know that I am a big advocate of communication. Rather than just ask the question you did, let him know your insecurities and how important that it is to you to know that he respects you and desires you as much as if you had sex on date 7. You will then have the chance to have him open up about his feelings for you and the relationship will grow stronger.

[honeybee888]

The only things he has given me to make me question his feelings is we have split up in the past a couple of times due to him being nervous about my children (I have two). he is doing much better regarding that. He also used to comment on other women and he talked to a girl behind my back in the very beginning, but never physically cheated or even hung out with her, more so just dirty talk. So reading this ur comment back it does seem like i am just projecting my feelings. It is just extremely hard for me to deal with the choice i made even tho it was long ago.

[effy2014]

I can understand that from your perspective. It is very hard to trust someone when you have issues from the past -- with him and the father of your children. I can also understand that being a father figure to another man's children, can be difficult for a young man.

Make sure the two of you keep talking about your feelings. There is no shame in checking in with him to make sure how and what he is feeling.

[honeybee888]

It has been very hard, I am not quite sure what to do. it has gotten to the point where i feel like all i am doing is repeating myself to him tho. he just gets annoyed at this point. I cant change the past. I do believe he is one of the guys where to him it doesnt matter that much how soon i slept with him. he still likes me, but its still hard to deal with. i feel like something is wrong with me.

[effy2014]

There is nothing wrong with you. It seems to me that you are still healing from the past. Therapy may help you in this journey.

[atskitty2]

What do you feel like is wrong with you?

[Magnetism]

Some guys say they don't care about a woman having sex "early", while some men that say it does matter. Everyone is different. If he's already in a long-term relationship with you, like effy said, then I don't think he's one of those guys that would fuss about when you had sex. You also said you talked to him for a month before you met. To me, that is a "get to know you" time period. It's not like you met him a bar for the first time and then had sex the second time you saw him. Hope that helps.

[jilljames8184]

I waited 6 months to give my virginity to the man I thought was going to be my future husband. Turns out I was just a "one time affair" for him while he and his wife were separated. After that I did it when it felt right or when I was horny. Sometimes it took up to the third date and sometimes it took thirty minutes from the initial meeting. There is no standard procedure to go by; do it when it feels right.

[Motorguy]

I agree Jill if the sparks are right enjoy the guy or women you are with no matter if it's the first date or the 5 date.