[CKGAG57]

Ok, my story starts around 2010/2011 my marriage was in a rocky stage, I guess you could say. We had been married for 20 years, still just in our late 30's early 40's and I guess it was the usual stuff, kids & life had just got in the way of "us". We were coexisting, sex was few and far between, we could 3 months without touching each other and when we did it was lights off and go through the motions.

During the easter weekend of 2011 my husband decided he wanted to go away for the long weekend on his own, just him, his motorbike and a tent. So off he went on the Friday, not even a kiss goodbye. I was not too pleased about this and spent the day in my p.j's crying. The whole weekend passed without so much as a text to let me know he was at least still alive.

During my time on my own that weekend I went online and ventured into a chat room. I honestly went on to find someone to talk to, I was lonely and had been for a long time.

Well I got inundated with messages from men, looking for some dirty talk, it wasn't even one of those kind of chat rooms I went in, but think they are all the same, maybe, I don't know, don't make a habit of it. Anyway after a few "chats" and glasses of wine, I started enjoying myself, flattered by the attention and started talking to one guy in particular and we kinda hit it off, both in a similar situation with our other half's. Anyway chatted on and off all weekend with this one guy and we got quite personal.

Anyway husband came back from his weekend, big fight, tears and it almost ended in him leaving. I honestly didn't want this, l love this man very much and felt we hadn't even tried to fix it, so that was the plan we were going to work on things, but of course we didn't, until one night he came to bed and told me he had been on my computer and found chats between me and my online "friend". Well I went cold and braced myself but to my surprise he said he was ok with it all and was actually turned on by it all, then we had the best sex ever. Things definitely changed for us and we started to make time for each other and worked at our relationship, which was mostly sex, but we decided that's what we needed to work on and the rest would fall into place which it did. During this time I found out my husband has the desire to share me with other men and we have kept a relationship with my online "friend" and talk of how we would like to meet up and have a threesome. I do like this fantasy but not sure if I would like it to come true.

3 years on and we are still good, the sex has slowed a bit but still very good and interesting. Then one day I happened to be on his computer and came across a file with lots of pictures, these pictures were of some of my friends, some of his female work colleagues and neighbours (from facebook). He has then taken pictures of naked women in various positions, and put the heads of friends, colleagues neighbours etc onto the bodies of the naked women, some of them looked pretty real. This didn't really bother me, well it did a bit, but I could live with it, what did bother me was that there was lots of pictures of one woman in particular, a work colleague of his, I did ask him about it and he was embarrassed and said he would delete them all and not do it again. Never really gave much explanation about it. I have also found out he has been chatting on facebook with this woman, nothing really to it, just about work etc, but I could tell he was flirting, lots of "sweetheart" and other terms of endearment in his messages and is still making these pictures of women we know. He has also really went out of his way to hide this on his computer but I found his folder.

This is bothering me but I don't know what to do, whether to confront him about it, but then he would know I have been snooping, or just try and get over with it, its not like he's having an affair. I think it hurts me that he doesn't share this with me but wants to share me!

I don't know, feeling quite confused by it all and don't have anyone to talk to about it so not sure how to handle it.

Anyone got any opinions or advice?

[Claret]

I think you are both reaching out, looking for someway in which to keep your relationship from getting stale. If you are doing this by bringing in other persons, whether via fantasy or in real life then I'd say your relationship probably still has a good base for continuing but only if you put some fences around what is going on. You need rules and agreements to keep these as on-line friends or you need to agree to an open marriage, or you need to agree to bring a third party into your marriage. You have the choice and you have the options, but it must be agreed to by all parties.

Sit down and calmly talk about what is bothering you, be honest in what you've done (snooped on his computer/phone etc), be honest about what you have done, be honest about your expectations and ask him to be the same.

Once you have all the facts from both sides, you'll be in a position to determine where to go from there.

[effy2014]

In the conversations over the years about your husband's fantasy about sharing you, did the subject of a threesome involving another woman come up? If so, what was the outcome?

Claret could be right . . . your husband is using the fantasy of other women to keep your relationship sexually strong. He could also be in the planning stages of bringing up another fantasy. Whatever the reasons, I am sure that your husband believes that you will (or must) be willing to give him some leeway because of your prior actions.

Communicate with him, even at the risk of being charged with spying on him. He did that before and I am sure that you have as well. Start the conversation trying to understand where this is heading. Be honest and not defensive, no matter his response. You have worked through this issue before, you can do it again.

[Lexhill]

As I am fairly good with computers and know how people handle computers I am not sure how your husband have "hidden" the pictures. But as far as him being able to attach people heads onto nude female bodies well. He most likely knows a little about it. I am not sure how you found it snooping, searching or recent documents. But I would guess an open talk about what he sees in it, would be the more politically correct way to go. Don't judge him for it but invite him to let you see his point of view.

A little less politically correct way and more sexual would be to do 1 of 2 or both. Photoshop your head onto a nude female body with the text "you like?" easily found, or a real nude picture with posters in front of your private parts, with the same text. With a little note to contact you when seen. Maybe it would be a turn on. (I would find that hot, but then again I am really open minded sexually. And still a 30 year old horny teenage boy). Be sure to not present yourself nude in pictures if you are not 100% sure they won't find their way onto the internet, and do delete all pictures before ever sending the computer to a repair shop. Many repair shops even large commercial companies have employes who search for these pictures and posts them online.

I would go for the politically correct even thought the other option could be exciting both for you and your husband.

[Claret]

The ability to hide files, documents, photographs and folders has been around for a long time. You just have to know where to look to "unhide" them and know how. Here is how files or folders can be hidden using windows.

Hiding files in Windows is pretty easy:
1. Select the files or folders you want to hide
2. Right-click and choose Properties
3. Click the General tab
4. Click the checkbox next to Hidden in the Attributes section
5. Click Apply

Now the files you chose are hidden away and people won't see them when they're looking through your folders. When you need to find those files again, just turn Hidden Items on.

All this does is remove those files etc. from your normal menu of items, but to a casual user they don't show up.

Anyone with a little bit of photoshop knowledge (Picassa or other photo processing software) can edit photographs and in a realistic manner. It's not hard.

[Claret]

Also you can lock these files in the "Lockbox" feature.

My Lockbox tucks your personal files inside the app and requires a password to unlock them. Nothing inside My Lockbox will show up in search, so you don't need to worry about anyone coming across your files. There's no encryption here, so while it's not super secure, it is fast and easy to use.

[Lexhill]

The lockbox sounds like a OK solution, but I am not familiar with it.

But the hidden files attribute is not a good way to do it. some reasons is hidden files will show in recent documents as long as you turn on hidden files and folders. I have this as a default setting on my computers. So not only can you turn on hidden files and find them. but they do actually show up in recent files and are searchable.

I used to use the NTFS file system to hide files before. Don't remember the procedure now. But that hides it completely from view. you have to run a certain command to show them against the specified file you hide them behind. After a few years with NTFS it came software to search for these files but before that it was a good way to hide them.

But this was not my main goal about the message. I only tried to give a thought about how hard the husband tried to hide them and how much effort was given to find them. The effort given shows a little about what lengths they are willing to go to hide or find things. The answer to this also gives a representation about how to approach this I think.

[Claret]

You can also hide folders, pics and other documents within bonafide documents so that unless you know they are there and turn them on you'd never see them. Once again this would be to hide from casual users not someone that really wanted to find them. The other place would be using Window Win Locker.

It's not that he tried really hard to hide them is my point. He hid them. He obviously didn't really want her to see them.

Look, it's my belief that even partners in marriage need to have some private thoughts, some fantasies that once they become known are not fantasies any longer. Sometimes I think we have to give people the space they deserve.

Both my husband and I have smart phones and computers. They are open to access any day or night. I have never picked up his cell phone to see who he has called or who has called him. I have never accessed his computer with the thought that I would check his history or lists of web sites that he visits frequently. That's not who I am and I believe he requires his privacy.

[CKGAG57]

Not sure about all that but I know he didn't want them found, he had the file in his recycle bin. I'm not proud of snooping, guess that's why I haven't spoken to my SO about this, i'm embarrassed, what is bothering me is the fact of who the photos are of, he obviously likes this female colleague of his, someone he spends probably more time with than me.. What also bothers me is that he takes photos of me sometimes, we both enjoy it as part of foreplay, so why does he have the need for the fake pictures? I have tried to bring up the subject but he brushes it off.

[Motorguy]

So CKGAG57 I think you need to be more up front and in a calm voice discuss this with your husband. Now you both discuss having another man join you in bed so you kind of enjoying a little kinky in the bedroom. But in the long run communication go's a long way in solving issue not just let being brushed off or over looked. It seem you talking about it here on this site. So it's really up sets you that he does photo cropping these pics just simple telling him to knock it off he doesn't need to. You are there he can look at your nude body instead.