[Johndoe12345]

I started seeing my GF about 2 months ago. We are both 30. She's a "very sexual person" (her words). We have quite a bit of sex. She told me she masturbates at least once a day, though she said she's really never done it since we started dating. I have never been able to make her orgasm. She can do it herself, and does during sex. The big issue is that she works so hard (vigorously) to orgasm that her vagina literally forces my **** out. So I'm just sitting there pretending to be enjoying it. And sometimes, such as last night, I lose my erection and can't continue. It's really humiliating and embarrassing. And we got into a major fight about it today. I was basically blamed for being upset about it, but I don't know how to not feel inadequate in this situation. Women don't seem to understand just how important that is to a lot of guys.

Now I've always heard that some women just can't orgasm, however I've never really experienced this. I've been with maybe 12-13 women, and she's been with "a lot" of guys (whatever that means). Aside from a couple awkward one night stands, I've always been very good at getting women off. And I'm very proud of that. I'm seriously not trying to brag, just trying to give background. I've had 3 other GFs. And I easily made them orgasm every time... They cum, moan/wimper, legs shake, vagina starts shutting me out, etc. And every single one of them is overwhelmed when I go down on them. I've made 2 of 3 cum by going down, the third wouldn't let me make her cum that way (only wanted to orgasm by traditional intercourse). All have said I'm "extremely good" at that... My current GF barely makes a noise. The same goes with fingering her.

Now she seems to absolutely love the sex. She's all over me, frequently initiating it. We've done back to back sessions for hours. She says she's gotten close, but i kinda feel like she said that just to make me feel better. I can't help but feel that it's not enough cause she never gets "spent" because she doesn't orgasm. She has jumped right back on me after i came, which tells me she didn't get what she needs. I've tried asking her what I can do. She gave a little advice about what she likes, but she says she's never gotten off from a guy. The only time was with an ex and it was a similar situation where she did it herself while he was there. I really don't feel like she thinks there's any hope, and so she seems unwilling to try... Or rather, she just doesn't seem at all optimistic about it.

Our fight was pretty bad today, and I'm still a little angry that she turned me being upset into something about her. She is saying that she can't take it anymore, but this is the first time I've actually gotten upset over it. Usually i can keep an erection and the sex goes great. Im pretty good at communicating my feelings, but she doesn't like to do that and just gets ****ed right off the bat (BTW, I literally didn't say a word last night before she got mad). Tonight she more or less told me i need to just deal with her not being able to orgasm, or our relationship is over. We talked a long time tonight, and i eventually convinced her to work with me to try to get this to work (not necessarily me making her orgasm, just me being able to partake in it). Although she said otherwise, I'm fairly certain based on her reaction that I'm not the first BF to show concern over this. And I know it's hard on her too, I told her I understand that. And i told her I'm not blaming her for anything at all. But that doesn't mean that it's all great and dandy for me. It still bothers me... And I think I have a right to be concerned. Again, this is the only time I really let it get to me, though there have been other times I lost an erection and had to stop... Which she got upset about.

I don't know what to do. I believe she loves the sex, but certain things clearly indicate that it's not quite good enough. I don't think I believe that she's never masturbated since we started dating... In fact, I'm almost certain she told me a few weeks ago that's she's done it a couple times. I still masturbate sometimes, but I have no problem getting an orgasm with her. I wouldn't mind if she masturbated. It only bothers me that I can't get her off. So what do you think I should do? Do any of you ladies have the same problem? Any tips or pointers? Much appreciated.

[guyhelp]

Male here.
I would try to let her get herself close to it and then back off a few times. Then she should be more sensitive that you can get her off.
When she gets herself off is she just using her hands? If so watch so that you can try to be as exact as possible.
I agree with you about the feeling you get. I had something similar but backwards, she needed more but didnt tell me. Now that she told me no issues. Silly about not telling each other what we want huh?
Does she have a fantasy that you could make real? Ask but not while in an argument. Maybe something that has never been done to her will push her over the edge.
Maybe if she is getting close you need to keep that technique going longer when she likes it the most.

I really think that if someone pleases themselves too much be it vibrator or porn, that it can desensitize the person but she is frequently initiating so there is interest so dont break up over this, work through.

[DreamP346]

It's her orgasm, not your's. She can get it whatever way she wants. Seems like you want her orgasm to be about you, your pleasure and your ego. I can see why she is angry. And I really hope you didn't bring up past girlfriends' orgasms with her. Women are all different. You can't compare what worked for one with another. It's like saying, all my ex's loved red meat, I don't understand why my current vegetarian girlfriend doesn't enjoy meat.

Many women can't orgasm from intercourse. It's great your girlfriend can do it to herself. If you have a problem with that, then it is YOUR problem, not hers.

[sungem77]

I think both responses are valid. If shes totally fine with the way her orgasm goes, then there's not much you can do, if she seems satisfied. From what you're saying though I get the sense that shes left wanting something? If you think she needs something that she's afraid to ask for, like more time or a different way of touching her, then you can try discussing it with her. Either way good, gentle communication without blaming anyone is the best way to approach it. If she knows how much you want to please her and that you're not watching the clock, it may help her relax more

[Magnetism]

It's her orgasm, not your's. She can get it whatever way she wants. Seems like you want her orgasm to be about you, your pleasure and your ego. I can see why she is angry. And I really hope you didn't bring up past girlfriends' orgasms with her. Women are all different. You can't compare what worked for one with another. It's like saying, all my ex's loved red meat, I don't understand why my current vegetarian girlfriend doesn't enjoy meat.

Many women can't orgasm from intercourse. It's great your girlfriend can do it to herself. If you have a problem with that, then it is YOUR problem, not hers.

I agree with this. I am adamant about being able to enjoy sex without an orgasm. The sexiest quality in a man is UNDERSTANDING and enjoying that amazing chemistry. Someone arguing me with about an orgasm or pressuring me to have one shows a lack of understanding.

[LargeInLife]

I started seeing my GF about 2 months ago. We are both 30. She's a "very sexual person" (her words). We have quite a bit of sex. She told me she masturbates at least once a day, though she said she's really never done it since we started dating. I have never been able to make her orgasm. She can do it herself, and does during sex. The big issue is that she works so hard (vigorously) to orgasm that her vagina literally forces my ******** out. So I'm just sitting there pretending to be enjoying it. And sometimes, such as last night, I lose my erection and can't continue. It's really humiliating and embarrassing. And we got into a major fight about it today. I was basically blamed for being upset about it, but I don't know how to not feel inadequate in this situation. Women don't seem to understand just how important that is to a lot of guys.

Now I've always heard that some women just can't orgasm, however I've never really experienced this. I've been with maybe 12-13 women, and she's been with "a lot" of guys (whatever that means). Aside from a couple awkward one night stands, I've always been very good at getting women off. And I'm very proud of that. I'm seriously not trying to brag, just trying to give background. I've had 3 other GFs. And I easily made them orgasm every time... They cum, moan/wimper, legs shake, vagina starts shutting me out, etc. And every single one of them is overwhelmed when I go down on them. I've made 2 of 3 cum by going down, the third wouldn't let me make her cum that way (only wanted to orgasm by traditional intercourse). All have said I'm "extremely good" at that... My current GF barely makes a noise. The same goes with fingering her.

Now she seems to absolutely love the sex. She's all over me, frequently initiating it. We've done back to back sessions for hours. She says she's gotten close, but i kinda feel like she said that just to make me feel better. I can't help but feel that it's not enough cause she never gets "spent" because she doesn't orgasm. She has jumped right back on me after i came, which tells me she didn't get what she needs. I've tried asking her what I can do. She gave a little advice about what she likes, but she says she's never gotten off from a guy. The only time was with an ex and it was a similar situation where she did it herself while he was there. I really don't feel like she thinks there's any hope, and so she seems unwilling to try... Or rather, she just doesn't seem at all optimistic about it.

Our fight was pretty bad today, and I'm still a little angry that she turned me being upset into something about her. She is saying that she can't take it anymore, but this is the first time I've actually gotten upset over it. Usually i can keep an erection and the sex goes great. Im pretty good at communicating my feelings, but she doesn't like to do that and just gets ********ed right off the bat (BTW, I literally didn't say a word last night before she got mad). Tonight she more or less told me i need to just deal with her not being able to orgasm, or our relationship is over. We talked a long time tonight, and i eventually convinced her to work with me to try to get this to work (not necessarily me making her orgasm, just me being able to partake in it). Although she said otherwise, I'm fairly certain based on her reaction that I'm not the first BF to show concern over this. And I know it's hard on her too, I told her I understand that. And i told her I'm not blaming her for anything at all. But that doesn't mean that it's all great and dandy for me. It still bothers me... And I think I have a right to be concerned. Again, this is the only time I really let it get to me, though there have been other times I lost an erection and had to stop... Which she got upset about.

I don't know what to do. I believe she loves the sex, but certain things clearly indicate that it's not quite good enough. I don't think I believe that she's never masturbated since we started dating... In fact, I'm almost certain she told me a few weeks ago that's she's done it a couple times. I still masturbate sometimes, but I have no problem getting an orgasm with her. I wouldn't mind if she masturbated. It only bothers me that I can't get her off. So what do you think I should do? Do any of you ladies have the same problem? Any tips or pointers? Much appreciated.

You two need to become more comfortable with the topic of sex. There is waaaaaaaayyyyyy too much pressure on the subject I can already tell. Sex should be fun and loving and giving. It's not about cumming. Yes orgasms are important, but you cannot "Force" an orgasm for her, and you cannot "Force" your **** to get/stay hard, you need to relax, and LET IT HAPPEN naturally. Its like if I say "Don't think about elephants..." You'll start thinking about elephants. Soooo when you're with her, she shouldn't be thinking to herself "Ok, i want to cum, do it, come on, and cum already" and you shouldn't be thinking "ok stay hard, don't lose the boner, come on don't mess it up"... you guys are going down the wrong path here....

I suggest taking the pressure off entirely by talking about it. The good news is that she knows how to get herself off, that is huge. If she didn't, that would be a totally different conversation. But you have a head start. I'm imagining she knows how to cum with her clit, thats probably how she cums by herself. I think you should introduce some toys into the mix, specifically, dildos. Start with a small/medium sized glass dildo with a upward curve, and bring it out, and play with it together, have it be fun, and lighthearted, not serious and pressured. A vibrating dildo might be a good choice too. Give these to her, and ask her to play with them on her own. She needs to find her orgasm, specifically her G-spot/vaginal orgasm... once she learns how to "Let herself cum" that way, then you will be able to make her cum every time via sex. But she needs to take her time on her own to find how to let herself relax enough and do it.

Talk to her frankly. Don't make it all about orgasms. Don't even bring up the word "orgasm or cumming" just talk about pleasure and passion and what feels good.

Here is a homework assignment...

Take your time one day and go down on her and tell her, "I want to learn exactly how you like your ***** licked, is that ok with you?" and the start going down there... make sure she is warm, and comfortable in bed. Make sure she is in a sexy mood, and has trimmed her ***** to her own standards (if a woman doesn't feel sexy down there it can be a barrier for them, for example, if she prefers to be shaven perfectly smooth, and its been a week since she has shaved, if you go down on her, she will feel self conscious) so make sure her ***** is up to her standards of cleanliness... then look at her *****, and study it, tell her how beautiful it is... get your face right up in it and absorb it, have the lights on too. Make her feel comfortable and sexy... compliment her and tell her how much you love how her ***** looks, tastes, etc... then start licking her, and immediately take the pressure off by saying "Don't think about cumming, or climaxing at all baby... Just feel my mouth on you, and pay attention to how this feels, don't think about anything else..." and start licking her... then try one style and pause and ask her how she likes it, or if you can go faster or harder, or suck more gently or whatever, go down for a few minutes and study her repsonses and make adjustments as she moans to what you do, then ask if she liked that thing you just did... then look up and remind her "I could lick your ***** all day long baby... there is NO RUSH right now... so don't feel rushed... I am going to be down here all day long" reminding her of this often will help her feel less pressured to cum... and what you will most likely find is that once you get her warmed up... which may take 10-20 minutes... you'll find a rhythm and something she likes... stay right there and don;t stop, don't pause, don't quit no matter how sore you get and she'll probably explode and surprise you with an amazing orgasm... if you can tell that she is frustrated because she hasnt cum yet, then smile and take a 5 minute break, go up and cuddle her, kiss her, and finger her, maybe play with her nipples a little... then after a moment, go back down and lick her...


Report back with how the ***** licking party went... I think that will be a good excersize for you both on feeling comfortable with eachother and taking the pressure off of the experience