[Fallen1]

I'm not sure either 1 or 2 are particularly bad.

I have to disagree with you there. Not bad? My boyfriend or husband better not be wanting to have sex with anyone else. Fantasy is one thing but actually wanting to .... then in my opinion he needs to be single so that he can sleep with whom ever he chooses.

[C]

Ouch. Well, maybe he thought you might warm to the idea better if it was someone you knew, rather than a stranger. If it was someone "safe."

rcoreyus - if my husband let me know that he wanted a threesome with my best friend and me, the first thing out of my mouth would be, "Really? So how long have you wanted to **** her?" Because once that's on the table, there's no getting around it. He's obviously thought of the best friend in a sexual way, and asking for a threesome is asking permission to boink your best friend while you're there. Yeah, maybe he wants to see the ladies together sexually, but again, if my husband is fantasizing about my best friend, we're fighting. Period.

I'm just saying that there's a reason its a "big" fantasy. I know a couple who pretends other people are watching them or that they're having sex with other people... they go crazy on each other when they talk about it - it's all role play and imagination. And to me, that's where it is better left, for sake of the relationship.

I am with you on this all the way. I am a jealous woman and the thought when we were younger or even this age of even wanting another woman sexually much less with me watching him bring me back to the time the woman was waiting in the motel for him. That was bad enough but to have to be in the same act as he did to her what he does to me with all the sexual touching makes me crawl.

Since he told me of this happening I have changed. I would never tolerate any outside the marriage sex but I thought I was one of the special women that nothing in life touches. You know an untouchable. Her husband is always there and he is perfect. But to have found out within the last six months of two women who wanted to **** my husband and not that many years ago has opened me up to listening to a woman like the OP and have the deepest compassion for the pain she is going through. I look at women my age now and even younger. I see the hunger in their eyes when they talk to him and I see something else...Lonliness and wanting love.....I would say to her get him in line and watch him like a hawk.....He sounds like he has not yet sowed his oats...

[Fallen1]

I have to disagree with you there. Not bad? My boyfriend or husband better not be wanting to have sex with anyone else. Fantasy is one thing but actually wanting to .... then in my opinion he needs to be single so that he can sleep with whom ever he chooses.

EDIT:

I thought I'd better make that sound a little clearer, sounds like I have a boyfriend and husband.

What I was trying to say was a significant other of mine whether he was just a boyfriend or my husband.

[C]

EDIT:

I thought I'd better make that sound a little clearer, sounds like I have a boyfriend and husband.

What I was trying to say was a significant other of mine whether he was just a boyfriend or my husband.

You are just one of the lucky ones.....

[rcoreyus]

I have to disagree with you there. Not bad? My boyfriend or husband better not be wanting to have sex with anyone else. Fantasy is one thing but actually wanting to .... then in my opinion he needs to be single so that he can sleep with whom ever he chooses.

Hmmm, "wanting" is a tricky word to define. Some wants are clearly just fantasy, and will remain that way (things involving entire Swedish volley ball teams for example).

There is a type of "wanting" where you are interested in someone, and if there were no consequences you would sleep with them. The real world has consequences, so you don't.

If there were no "consequences" (no disease, no emotional attachments, etc), and if my wife really didn't mind, there are other women I would sleep with. But - there are consequences, and she would certainly mind, so I don't and won't.

I could lie and say I've never thought of anyone else, but that isn't true. Maybe it should be, maybe there are people who really have never wanted anyone other than their spouse (in a consequence free world).

Now, I would never consider asking for a 3-some. I KNOW my wife would not want that, and I'm suprised at anyone who didn't know their wife well enough to know the answer in advance. In practice I wouldn't want one either -even if my wife were interested - except in exceptional cases.

[sarah22]

three some???

well first off you really have to have a good relationship for this to work. A best friend though. I ask why? Does your best friend know about this? Id say NO. Becuase for one if she is your best friend you could loose her and heaven forbid if you and your bf break up you will want your bestfriend to be there for you.

I just think it would mess things up.

[manxie]

i had a boyfriend that told me he'd like to have a threesome with me and another girl. I agree that the main thing that springs to mind is 'how long have you wanted to have sex with one of my friends?'. I told my then boyfriend that i would be up for the idea of a threesome with him but wanted the third person to be a man. It was amazing how quickly he dropped the subject.

[Fallen1]

There is a type of "wanting" where you are interested in someone, and if there were no consequences you would sleep with them. The real world has consequences, so you don't.

If there were no "consequences" (no disease, no emotional attachments, etc), and if my wife really didn't mind, there are other women I would sleep with. But - there are consequences, and she would certainly mind, so I don't and won't.

Consequences? That's the only reason you wouldn't? Maybe I'm just odd but I feel that if you love someone and they satisfy your needs why would you want to sleep with someone else, or better yet how could you? It is my opinion that if you feel the need to sleep with multiple partners and can't be satisfied with just one then you really don't need to commit to one person.

Note that I did include in the above ( ^ in bold) about your partner satisfying your needs. I do realize there are some circumstances in relationships (such as yours) where one partner is left wanting. In these situations I understand that one would have the desire to sleep with others.

As far as the lack of love I can also see where there may be a desire for others. If there is no love then why be in a committed relationship anyway.

I could lie and say I've never thought of anyone else, but that isn't true. Maybe it should be, maybe there are people who really have never wanted anyone other than their spouse (in a consequence free world).

I can understand a curiosity. You see someone attractive and think "Hmmm, I wonder what it would be like", but when it's "If my wife/hubby wouldn't find out I certainly would". To be honest with you I've thought/fantasized about a 3some myself, wondered what it would be like. I even discussed the how/what with my boyfriend. But with me that 3rd person is faceless, it's just a curiosity for me. I don't think I could ever participate in it because I can't stand the thoughts of him being with someone else and I don't have the desire for anyone but him.

Maybe we are on the same page I don't know. Sometimes I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words so that I'm understood.

To the original poster - I'm sorry I didn't mean to stray from your original thoughts. So I will add my thoughts on a 3some. If both parties are willing and can handle the possible backlash then whatever they choose is their business. If either of them have a doubt then it shouldn't be done. I think doing it also has to be for the right reasons. Meaning that it depends with what reason it is wanted. It could be that one wants it just to use it as an excuse to sleep with another person other than their partner.

[rcoreyus]

Consequences? That's the only reason you wouldn't? Maybe I'm just odd but I feel that if you love someone and they satisfy your needs why would you want to sleep with someone else, or better yet how could you? It is my opinion that if you feel the need to sleep with multiple partners and can't be satisfied with just one then you really don't need to commit to one person.

Note that I did include in the above ( ^ in bold) about your partner satisfying your needs. I do realize there are some circumstances in relationships (such as yours) where one partner is left wanting. In these situations I understand that one would have the desire to sleep with others.

As far as the lack of love I can also see where there may be a desire for others. If there is no love then why be in a committed relationship anyway.



I can understand a curiosity. You see someone attractive and think "Hmmm, I wonder what it would be like", but when it's "If my wife/hubby wouldn't find out I certainly would". To be honest with you I've thought/fantasized about a 3some myself, wondered what it would be like. I even discussed the how/what with my boyfriend. But with me that 3rd person is faceless, it's just a curiosity for me. I don't think I could ever participate in it because I can't stand the thoughts of him being with someone else and I don't have the desire for anyone but him.

Maybe we are on the same page I don't know. Sometimes I have a hard time putting my thoughts into words so that I'm understood.

To the original poster - I'm sorry I didn't mean to stray from your original thoughts. So I will add my thoughts on a 3some. If both parties are willing and can handle the possible backlash then whatever they choose is their business. If either of them have a doubt then it shouldn't be done. I think doing it also has to be for the right reasons. Meaning that it depends with what reason it is wanted. It could be that one wants it just to use it as an excuse to sleep with another person other than their partner.

Sorry to the original poster that this is drifting off topic, but I think it is an interesting discussion.

Fallen1, at one point you say "if your wife/hubby wouldn't find out....". I'm not suggesting that - I think doing something behind your spouses back is wrong. I was considering the case where they honestly didn't mind. (For example I honestly wouldn't mind if my spouse slept with someone else - simply doesn't bother me - but I know this is unusual).

Maybe my use of the word "consequences" is confusing. I am including all the emotional effects, etc that would result from sex with another person. You describe a fantasy with a "faceless" 3rd person. I think that is pretty similar to what I am discussing. A 3rd person without any of the emotional / physical issues. On the other hand that would just be a sort of sex-toy, and not that interesting either.

This is a very difficult thing to put in words. Words like "fantasy", "want", "consequence" mean different things to different people.

Maybe a specific example. Lets say there was someone that both you and your spouse found attractive (one of you would need to be bi - I think this is a requirement for a 3some to work). Assume there were no disease issues. Would you consider a 3some with that person if everyone actively wanted to try it (wasn't just going along).

As an aside, my personal situation is somewhat unfortunate. As discussed in other posts, my wife doesn't satisfy my needs - maybe if she did I would feel differently. I've never in my life been in a situation where I wasn't lacking sex, so I really don't know what that experience would be like. A man who has been hungry all his life probably doesn't understand gluttony.

[SinisterUrge]

1. Slap your BF upside his thick skull.
2. Do it again.

Guys like threesomes. Guys like threesomes with strange women. Guys like threesomes with their wives and another woman. But telling a wife/girlfriend you want a threeway with their friends/sisters is the worst combination of English words a man can say.

3. Slap him again. Then tell him you want to do his brother and his dad.