[mysticfire]

This has been on my mind for a while now- years? I have been married (my second) to a wonderful husband for over 10 years. He is respectful, honest, a good father to his two kids (from a previous marriage), not abusive in any way- except a bit controlling. He doesn't like it when I spend time with my female friends. He thinks, well, I would rather be with them than him. Sounds like a self esteem issue. But that's another story. Like I said, he is a wonderful man. Just doesn't know how to bring me to orgasm- nor am I able to tell him. Really. I don't have words to direct him. He is an engineer by trade. So he wants me to give detailed instructions on how to best achieve the outcome. Just the thought of that turns me off. So, when ever we do have sex I tell him to finish. Don't worry about me.
I was reading the thread by Minivan man about not wanting to have sex with his wife until she Wanted to have sex with him. Sounds like my man. Then MV Man found out his wife was getting herself off 2-3 times a week- no problem. Sounds like me. Typically, I will wait til my husband leaves for work, then turn on my favorite Pandora station, and masturbate with a Form2 vibe. In my own headspace there is no judgment, orders given or received, just my own feelings. I think this might be the important part. How I can just let go and Feel. If I want to move the vibe to change sensations- I do it myself. I don't have to communicate to anyone else.
I have read suggestions to use toys with my husband. Tried that. Cannot let go and Feel. I always think in my head- What is he going to think about how I am moving- especially if there's nothing he can do at the time to help me along. Touching me feels distracting when I am trying to concentrate on moving how it feels good. It's like the only way I can orgasm is when he is not around. Sounds pretty sad. Especially for our marriage. I have tried to be on top, but it just takes so long and very little sensations. His words are- "Nothing I do can turn you on".
Been reading Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. She makes some sense saying how familiarity and intimacy are killers of desire. True lustful desire. Oh how I would love to feel desired again. To be ravished by my man. He seems too polite to do that. I don't know what to do. Shall I just be content with the house, car, job, health that I have and give up on hoping for sexual satisfaction with my husband?

[Texasred]

I'm surprised this post got no answers at all before now.
If the OP is still around: I hope you'd ask some female friends about this. Or just ask your husband to help! Tell him what you wrote above. If he cares about you, you two should be able to work this out. And stop *THINKING* and start *FEELING."
I know that advice can sound pretty useless - like a doctor saying "Your leg is broken" but not setting it... Just give it a try! And forget what Esther Perel says: familiarity and intimacy are two key ingredients to real desire and real sexual pleasure - giving and receiving it with someone you know and love!

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

Women are naturally inhibited and maybe men are also.
Real orgasm isn't something that I found easy to achieve.
The real powerful orgasm I was fortunate enough to be on the end of was incredible.

Some tips (no pun intended) turn the lights out.

I've found that women with lights on don't appear to be able to relax.

No toys, vibrators, **** rings this to me maybe even inhibits orgasm.

No condom I think the excitement of getting pregnant helps induce the orgasm.

We had sex between around 7pm to 6am. I cant remember how long I spent on foreplay but it was a long time and I don't think most men would have the desire or the willingness to do it.

Maybe its possible in less but without enough practice and trying it on different women how could I ever know if its achievable in less time ?

The night it happened it was cold and we weren't very comfortable.

Orgasm to me is resistant because one must continue to do foreplay before the threshold is reached.

Initially there is no penetration just foreplay, foreplay, foreplay even when your husband has "lovers balls" you have to keep going till the female is close to the threshold of orgasm.

So for a man its painful because he may be highly aroused but he must wait till you are ready before he can penetrate you.

Do think about anything just relax and go with the pleasure of foreplay until you are on the threshold of orgasm and then and only can he enter you.