[Ariesgoddess79]

Hello ladies,

I am brand new to this but am desperately seeking some insightful advice.
My boyfriend and I have not been together long, a little less than a year and we've been living together about 4 months. In the beginning of our relationship sex was great. It seemed like it was a priority not only to me but to him as well. For a short while we were going a couple weeks without seeing each other (he'd be out of town for work) but when he'd come home we'd have sex maybe 6-7 times in one weekend and he was always able to go back to back.
Well fast forward to now, sex has drastically slowed down. It seems as though it's not even an interest to him. I'll try to make sexual advances or caress him but he turns me away. I'll try kissing him seductively in hopes it will turn into sex but he rarely seems to become aroused. He has a hard time achieving an erection most nights and if he is able to get one (which is now only about twice a week) sex will last about two minutes and then he's finished, can't get another erection after that. I've come forward and expressed how it makes me feel like he's not happy or attracted to me anymore, but he insists it's not the case but instead just a huge load of stress he's been under for work which is understandable kind of, yet not entirely since I could be stressed and still want to have sex. He isn't eating right anymore nor is he exercising anymore which I know makes all the difference. Everything I have suggested he do to help the situation seems to go in one ear and out the other and his lack of effort to help fix this is really discouraging to me. I don't want to seem selfish or hurt his feelings because I know he's probably already self conscious about it and so I try to be sensitive to that by not saying anything about it but now I feel like I'm really suffering here because my needs are just not being met anymore.
Any advice on how I can gently and lovingly bring this up once more and actually get some results out of it?

[atskitty2]

Has he had the functional issues before, in past relationships? What's his age? How does he feel about the changes in his lifestyle and performance in bed? I take it he's indifferent since he's doing nothing to improve it.
Was he exercising and taking good care of himself habitually, long term before you met? Is the work stress really a new thing?

What I am getting at here is whether this is a change, or whether he's simply getting back to who he really is, now that the relationship has sort of settled in, and you're more comfortable with each other. You've been together such a short time, I have to wonder if this is just more his true colors coming out. It could be that his sex drive isn't compatible with yours, and that's the lack of interest and stamina you're seeing.

Or, it could genuinely be stress. Stress does a lot to our bodies and mentally. Don't underestimate the effects it could have. If he claims that is the cause, it wouldn't be unreasonable to be true. Do you think that the job stress increase is in line with the change you see, proportionately?
Is he talking about it in detail? Is he opening up? How are things otherwise?

[Claret]

Stress can create major relationship problems, both physically and emotionally. I think one of the big things is fear of failure. He may be fearing failure or have already experienced it (e.g. his short two minute performance). It's a vicious circle, he's afraid to have sex incase he can't perform well so therefore he won't even try - - leading to more misgivings and fear of failing again. There may not be anything you can do at this particular point in time except be there for him. Talk when you get a chance but don't push him. Get him to talk about his stresses at work, at home and with his friends and family. There may be stuff going on that you don't know about.

Also, after being together for almost a year - sex does fade into the background at times. There can be this natural ebb and flow and you two could be just slightly out of sync for now.

[jns]

I'm wondering if this is being caused by you being more in control than him. Before you two were living together, your sex life together revolved mostly around his schedule. Now it is more initiated by you.

[bcted]

Could be a number of things. He could have low testosterone levels... a visit to the doctor for a blood test will show that very easily. The treatment is typically regular testosterone injections. I have been doing this for a little over four years and it helps tremendously.

Could also be that he is masturbating a lot. If that is the case, then you need to talk about why he would be doing that instead of involving you.

If he doesn't think there is a problem, though, it can be hard to get him to take the next steps. You have to talk to him about what you are perceiving as the problem and hopefully he recognizes it as something that needs to get fixed.

[jns]

Could be a number of things. He could have low testosterone levels... a visit to the doctor for a blood test will show that very easily. The treatment is typically regular testosterone injections. I have been doing this for a little over four years and it helps tremendously.

Do the testosterone injections have any side effects?

[bcted]

I had an issue with additional body hair growth until we got the dosage ironed out. Other than that, the only effect is sometimes I will nail a nerve or something in my thigh while doing the injection. That can be exciting as my leg jumps around for a bit. It is an intramuscular injection, so if needles bother you it could be a problem (the needle is about one and a half inches long and testosterone is a little thick so I use a 22 gauge needle... not like insulin which uses a tiny needle).

[jns]

How often do you inject? Does taking testosterone shut down your body's production of testosterone?

[bcted]

I use one ml of testosterone cypionate per week, which works out to 200mg/week. It is a bit of a roller coaster as your level goes up and down over the week, but you get used to it. From talking to the doc, my body is still producing testosterone, just not enough, so it doesn't really slow down my own production like my wife's thyroid medication does her thyroid production. I assume the pituitary would call for less testosterone if i didn't need it.

Sorry if we hijacked your thread, Aeriesgoddess79.

[Gilda]

To solve the erectile issues ideally you should get your partner to exercise physically, eat healthily, cease drinking, and fix his psychological issues. Or you can just feed him with drugs to boost his TST or erection directly which will lead to solving his psychological insecurities, boosting his self-esteem and hence empowering him to invest in fixing relationships. I understand that links aren't aloud here. But it's the only uncommercial and unbiased article on ED remedies which can be understood without pharmacalogical gegree.