[atskitty2]

In another thread, jns mentioned the "hook-up culture" as a cause of problems within ordinary dating. (Thread titled open marriage and cheating)

I've never been one for hooking up. Awhile back, I did push my own boundaries a lot, and did something out of character for me, with a disastrous outcome.

Do you think that our casual approach to sex and the availability of it, has lead to difficulty in relationship building?

Do you think that the "order of operations" being misaligned, is contributing to our lack of contentment and stability in relationships and marriage?

[deep-evie]

Nope, i don't think the order we do things is a main cause really, social media on the other hand? yeah thats a major cause of relationship problems, as social media is an enabler that lets us perv on the opposite sex, to put it crudely.

It allows more contacts etc which give a higher chance of something happening with another when it usually wouldn't. Sex in the 60s and 70s was more similar to now than people will care to admit, my own dad for instance boasts about taking girls into the sheds etc and giving them one before they even started dating, casual outlook on sex was always a thing, its just now more in the forefront or is mentioned much more due to the internet and social media.

And yes i have done hooking up for just sex myself, honestly if you are single its amazing, such a thrill from it, as it always has been! However, due to social media etc, its much more addictive than before, you send nudes to the male recipients as a female then you get free choice to pick one, or more, this gets VERY addicting almost like a drug next thing you know your jumping on loads of poles, or your taking nudes everyday for no reason at all.

Yes went through a year like this and don't regret it to be honest, it was a very fun year, but if it lasted any long it may have been a disaster.

Casual nature of sex isn't the problem as we have had it in different for for years.... the root of that problem, social media is the problem.

[atskitty2]

That's an interesting perspective 'evie. Social media has definitely changed the landscape of dating, and relationships in general, if their social media accounts aren't managed well.

But I think this shift occurred well before social media became the giant it is. It's only been less than 10 yrs that social media has evolved to the place it takes in our lives.

I do think casual sex, "bump and runs" always happened, as you mention. But I don't think, in our culture at least, they have always been encouraged and became the mainstream approach as they are today.

The ideas about this have shifted. The acceptance and even pride in these behaviors has very definitely shifted. The Internet has obviously made it easier to find hookups, no doubt about that.

This easy access to sex, lack of commitment or even friendship expected to give sex, has it made the desire and necessity for relationships null for many men and women?
Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

[amy40]

read the "hookup culture" on wiki
interesting it had it's beginnings in the 1920's

few single women in my neighborhood but am not close enough to them to ask if it's difficult to date, etc
one is "dating" a coworker (same uniform); she now sends the kids away on weekends and he stays overnight
am not that good with ages but he looks a lot younger than her

[WaveRider]

It's undeniable that the digital age has transformed cultures, especially relationships. Google, "Internet casual sex."

Casual sex is not new. In fact, it's millennia old. Greeks and especially Romans were all over indiscriminate sex. Promiscuity took a long hiatus during the Middle Ages. It was resurrected during the Renaissance.

My generation actually had to get out of our houses to meet women. College was a sex fest. After college, it was hangouts, mostly bars, where dudes were dialed in to women. One-night-stands were very common. Women wore what we called "CFM" attire, meaning "come eff me" clothes. In the early 80's, cocaine was all the rage. Dudes would begin Friday and Saturday nights with a couple or few bindles of coke. Getting laid was almost assured if dudes had nose candy. I have never done drugs. But I knew a lot of dudes who did. The early 80's birthed a new category of women: the infamous coke w h o r e. I knew a lot of 'em.

Promiscuity slowed drastically during the mid-to-late 80's. HIV scared the heck outta a lotta erstwhile promiscuous dudes and women.

The digital age has revolutionized sex & dating. It has taken the active quest out of the pursuit. It has facilitated all forms of relationships. However, Internet dating has many negative aspects. It's too easy to lie. Anyone can be anyone using a keyboard and photoshop. I've been told of Internet dating disasters. Women will lie about three things: their age, their weight, and the number of sex partners they have had. The first two are common lies of women using dating Websites. Men will lie about everything and anything to get down women's pants.

My g/f (She's really FWB, but I call her my g/f because FWB does not have a positive connotation.) has been on the largest online dating site for at least five years. She's looking for remarriage. Odds of her finding it are near zero, at least they are in So Cal. She has yet to meet a dude who wasn't a BS'r. She's met con artists (All con artists are sociopaths.), flakes, and dudes who were after quick sex. Her biggest obstacle is that there are tens of thousands of women (probably many, many more) in her age range and living within her radius. Her dating Website has been dubbed the largest hookup site on the Internet. I believe it began as a legitimate site for men to meet women and vice versa. It has morphed in to shop for sex.

My g/f is far from a prude. She is beyond sexually adventurous. She has had many sex partners, mostly while she was in college. She's had at least one one-nighter, but that was while she was in college. However, she's well aware of the STD epidemic that has swept across America. We have an explicit agreement: if one of us has sex with someone she or I will tell the other that the benefits part of our associate is void. She knows that if she doesn't give it up within the first couple dates with an Internet date dude, he's gonna bail and find one who will.

My g/f knows of the Three Date Rule: if a woman hasn't given it up by the third date, there won't be a fourth. I know dudes who've expected sex on first Internet dates. That fact has placed a lot of women in positions of compromising their morality; either they give it up early and risk it being the last time she'll see him, or she retains her morality with the possible consequence of his finding a woman who'll give it up. Complicating conflicted morality is men's willingness to lie to get sex. I've told my g/f that an STD infected dude will deny, deny, deny his way in to getting her naked. She has told me that were she to meet marriage material, she'll insist upon a blood test before sex. But I know her better than she knows herself. After a bottle of wine, her clothes are off. She has eliminated the possibility of sex before she's ready to give it up by refusing to go to a secluded place with an Internet date. So far, I've had no reason to doubt her that I'm the only dude she's had sex with since long before her second divorce was finalized. If I had reason to doubt her, I wouldn't bang her.

I've known dudes who've lied, photoshopped, and everything that can be done to deceive women. In fact, I've read that 80% of men will lie about at least one material fact on their profiles: age, marital status, employment, wealth, and weight (photoshopped photos). I've had to teach my g/f how to ID photoshopped photos. There's a Website with excellent info for ID'ing photoshopped photos.

By a huge margin, I've heard more Internet dating disasters from women. I have known a few men who've learned that athletic and tone must mean something different to fat women. The sad stories are of women who've contracted serious STD's from online dating. Lying dudes have ruined many women's lives.

I'm old school. I'd rather meet women in person as opposed to cyber introductions. Gyms are great places to meet women. Set ups from friends is also excellent. Just about anywhere women go is a good place to meet them.

The digital age has made it very easy to meet people for any number of reasons. However, I think that sex is a very common reason for both men & women.

BTW, while I've yet to read actual scientific research, I believe that the ease by which men can get sex from Internet dating Websites is among the top reasons divorced men are reluctant to remarry. Men don't need a steady g/f to get sex. All they need is access to the Internet.