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Worried about sexual fantasies

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  • Worried about sexual fantasies


    Have questions about rough sex and whether it's "normal"?

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    Hello dear people,

    I am a 22-year-old young man, born and raised in the Netherlands. Since my childhood I have had fantasies that horrify and dismay me.

    I am what most people would consider a sensitive and compassionate young man. My love towards many women is so strong that I have feelings that I want to give my warmth and love to many women. However I have some sexual fantasies it makes me worried.. I try to be romantic in bed, and extend the foreplay so much as possible whereby she gets more turned on and pampered like a queen (honestly I can't have a sex with a woman without emotional connection). But I have some thoughts or fantasies that it makes me sexual aroused (this happens especially when I'm very horny); when she could get caught and pain (like that she crying hard during rough sex, choke her, or forcing her that she gives me blowjob, spanks her a s s so hard until her a s s cheeks turn red. Spitting in her mouth)

    I come from a military family, and it makes also excited to being a soldier. I have sexual fantasies that I kidnapping a woman with higher status (like police officer or lawyer etc.) in my soldier uniform with a weapon. Or fantasize I did something wrong and was arrested by a female police officer, we keep making eye contact, but she treats me like a *****y woman. So I offer her payment that she can release me. She accepts my offer and I fantasize that I forcing her into the locked room, pushing her up against a wall without any foreplay (with dirty talk) And having anal intercourse (without condom) while getting a little bit poop on my penis.

    I remember when I was a child (six or seven years old) I had a toy gun that looked real (it was heavy and was of iron). I put on a mask, went on the road to finding girls in our neighborhood. I 'kidnapped' a girl, she cried, I felt sad for her, I let her go.

    Please do not get me wrong, I don't want to hurt anyone, therefore I'm here to need you help and advice.

    However after a rough sex with the girl (the features and fantasies that I mentioned above), I have strong feelings that I want to kiss and caress her, and making her clean in the shower, or dry her after shower, or making eating to her.

    Can I be a good partner in a relationship if I combine my rough and kinky sexual fantasies with a romantic manner? Or should I get help?
    Last edited by Alison H.; 11-18-2021, 01:56 PM.

  • Hi Alexander! Welcome!

    Nothing you have written here is particularly alarming to me. Some of it may be alarming for some young women if you're in a new relationship and she doesn't know your preference already.
    Communication is key.
    Boundaries and respect is also key.
    Are you only satisfied with sex that includes the rougher treatment?

    If you're bothered by any of the fantasies, thoughts or inclinations you have, why not go and speak to a counselor about it? Not because you're wrong, but to help put your mind at peace, and understand yourself better.

    Comment


    • Dear atskitty2,

      Thank you for your response. I am relieved!

      The kinky fantasies that I mentioned is meant for during a role play with my potential partner, definitely not with an ordinary woman (or having sex for the first time). So no any doubt you're right kitty. Communication, boundaries and respect are the keys of a healthy and good sexual life.

      In the first instance having sex for first time with a woman, I am very satisfied with both cases, but I'm more into having a romantic sex for fulfilling the needs of a woman (if she likes it, I like it too, so I'll be automatically aroused too). But I suppose during a long-term relationship honestly it's possible that I'm more unclear (to keeping the erotic spark or tension in relationship). So in a long-term relationship sometimes I can be very romantic, and sometimes very kinky (like things what I mentioned above), or maybe sometimes I'll find the 'balance'.

      Comment


      • There are many women that would act out these fantasies with you. The challenge will be in finding those women. I think communication with potential partners is key, you must be up front with what you would like from a sexual relationship. The key will be to start slowly and work into it not play the full game immediately.
        That which we forget may as well never really happened.

        Comment


        • Alex,

          What you have written does alarm me. My life experiences are assuredly divergent from those of other posters. I'd make an appt with a psychiatrist. If you try to act upon your fantasies, you could wind up in prison for a long time...or dead.

          Comment


          • BTW, my ex-g/f loves rough sex. Most women do. But none of it involves anything beyond pleasurable pain.

            Comment


            • Alexander,

              You have heard from two sensible women members here and I think you can trust their advice. That of WR - seek out a psychiatrist - seems a bit alarmist and unwarranted.

              My sole caveat relates to the line you wrote, reproduced below:

              Originally posted by AlexanderTheGreat View Post
              Please do not get me wrong, I don't want to hurt anyone, therefore I'm here to need you help and advice.
              If by that you mean that you do not want to hurt anyone, but fear that you might, then perhaps some counselling is in order.
              I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.

              Comment


              • Dear Baboy,


                Wanting advice or response from women was the reason why I came here, and I've gotten their messages in an understandable and friendly manner. I am grateful to them. And I feel very relieved too.

                But I have also a little bit submissive side, so it's not fully hundred percent that I am the one who wants to dominate her during sex (but yes, my dominant side is much higher)

                No, it's not necessarily the fear that I want to bring my sexual fantasy in reality (like bringing directly in reality with an ordinary woman), but I was more concerned of my fantasy.

                Comment


                • Thanks for the follow-up Alexander. It sounds to me that you are okay. It was a good idea to come here and ask for thoughts of some of the women. Perhaps more will join in and comment. Nonetheless, the two who have responded are seasoned veterans here and have reputations for being able to impart solid advice.
                  I do not grow old; if I stop growing, I am old.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by Baboy View Post
                    Alexander,

                    You have heard from two sensible women members here and I think you can trust their advice. That of WR - seek out a psychiatrist - seems a bit alarmist and unwarranted.

                    My sole caveat relates to the line you wrote, reproduced below:



                    If by that you mean that you do not want to hurt anyone, but fear that you might, then perhaps some counselling is in order.
                    Dude,

                    Make up your mind, or abstain from advice. First you wrote than I'm an alarmist. Then you agreed with my advice to seek psychiatric help.

                    Let me help you out. We obviously have divergent life experiences. Men who inflict physical pain as opposed to pleasurable pain upon women during sex are mentally ill. Many are doing joint time. Eric Schneiderman will probably be among the imprisoned whack jobs. Such psychos enjoy torturous pain they inflict upon women during sex. Rodney Alcala was one of many whack jobs who got enjoyment from his victims screaming from physical torture. Alcala's on CA's death row. He'll die an old man before he gets needle therapy. Search engine, "Fred Berre Douglas snuf films." Ole Freddy the Freak weaseled his way off of death row. He should have received needle therapy 30 years ago. He went from inflicting physical torture to inflicting the death penalty on his victims. Those were merely two of too many mentally disordered sex offender whack jobs with whom I've had the misfortune of interacting. Like all such whack jobs who get off from inflicting physical pain and torture then move to inflicting death to satisfy their diseased brains, it begins with whack job pleasure of dominating a woman by inflicting physical pain.

                    Alexander ought to seek psychiatric treatment (psychology is not scientific, psychiatry is medicine) before he winds up doing life without in prison where he'll become a b_i_t_c_h for very bad dudes, dudes that'd scare you into next month.

                    Baboy, you had better assess your personality. Alexander has admitted to a prior kidnapping of a girl. That's a life sentence in CA, and it could be a life w/o parole sentence. Kidnapping is an extremely serious felony. If he's committed kidnapping and gets off on torturing females, why would you supposed he hasn't fantasized about murdering a woman or women? And you call advice to the contrary sensible. Dude, you might want to book a psychiatric appointment. And I'm being helpful.

                    Believe me, if Alexander lived near me, cops, who do an excellent job at keeping my city crime free, would be all over him like a linebacker on a running back. They'd surveil him like US Navy SEALS on bin Laden. They'd have to in order to protect life, which is a cop's most fundamental responsibility.

                    Just some more helpful advise: think about abstaining from offering advise unless you're sure of topics. This is a very serious topic that reeks of very serious and sophisticated criminal intent. Oh yeah, real men don't harm women. They protect them.

                    Comment

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