[cathygirl]

I prefer to live my life as an open book. I've certainly done things I later regretted - who hasn't - but keeping secrets sets me and other people for a lot of hurt. I don't blurt out every fact about myself unnecessarily, but there's also nothing I hold back. My husband knows very well the if he doesn't want to know something he shouldn't ask me. But I don't live in fear of something from my past jumping up and hurting me. I don't give the past that kind of power.

[WaveRider]

Good Morning, Cathy,

I'm a committed defender of maximum individual liberties. I'm good with your living your life as an open book, and I'd defend your right to do so. On the other hand, I want to choose who reads my book. It's not about concealment. It's about my expectation of privacy.

Recently I met a woman who thought she was going to interrogate me. Why the heck she thought she had right to pry into my life w/o even knowing my full name was beyond me. In fact, I had no intention of asking her out. She was a nosy female dog (albeit a good looking one) who had assumed she had right to vet potential dates before there was one.

No one has suggested that you should live in fear of your past. Rather, this thread was premised upon etiquette: does one have right to know another's sexual history? Unless there's an indication of health risk, my belief is it's an area better left dormant.

I do like your: don't ask if you can't handle truth.

I've never asked my ex-g/f friend about her sexual history. She's volunteered it, almost always when she's been far beyond half-lit. I know that she's had many more sex partners than women in her age range. I don't care. By a HUGE margin, she's the best sex I've ever had. But for other issues, I'd probably marry her. She's very good looking and has a hot body. She loves sex. But other issues would destroy a marriage inside an hour of, "I do."

[WaveRider]

Last night I was at a party. I was sitting next to a woman whom I used to date. She was working off of elevated blood alcohol. I was sober. A mutual friend came over to talk to us. His blood alcohol was higher than hers. He's a super cool dude. He knew that we used to date. He was after details. She was ready to give it up. I interrupted her and changed to subject. The dude caught on. He said than men shouldn't divulge intimacy. The irony is he's deeply involved with a woman whom another dude at the party used to bang recreationally.

Salacious inquisition intrigue the idle mind.

[cathygirl]

I made no suggestion that anyone else should agree with me or do as I do or anything like that. I was simply stating what leads to a happier life for me. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was telling others what to do. Of course people are entitled to keep secrets, reveal their secrets, or do anything in between. It's not about rights, it's about choosing what leads to a person's own happiness. I'm happy knowing that there is nothing in my past living that can hurt me ever.

[Texasred]

I strongly agree with Claret and WR. Maybe for a different reason: back when we were first dating, I unwisely shared a couple minor details of prior relationships with my now-wife, nothing weird or perverted! Just that I had had several (read: many) partners.
She has **never** stopped bringing that up! In 30 years! Even though she'd had (my guess, based on comments here and there) a dozen or so herself!
I shoulda kept my mouth shut!

[jns]

I strongly agree with Claret and WR. Maybe for a different reason: back when we were first dating, I unwisely shared a couple minor details of prior relationships with my now-wife, nothing weird or perverted! Just that I had had several (read: many) partners.
She has ****never**** stopped bringing that up! In 30 years! Even though she'd had (my guess, based on comments here and there) a dozen or so herself!
I shoulda kept my mouth shut!

Unfortunately not everyone can handle the truth. Probably better is to have a full panel of STD tests done and have that as what is revealed. After all, that is what is more important in many ways.

[WaveRider]

I've often wondered whether my ex-g/f's extensive sexual history, and she has banged over thirty dudes based upon what she has voluntarily given up, would have prevented me from marrying her if it were ever a possibility. In other words, it could be that I don't care that she was a s l u t because I knew I was not going to marry her. But then again, her vast sex skills were a strong yoke on me.

In her defense, she did have and does have a hormonal imbalance that caused/causes an elevated sex drive. She told me that when she was a young adult, she was horny 24/7/365, and she almost always thought about getting laid when she wasn't getting laid.

[Texasred]

In her defense, she did have and does have a hormonal imbalance that caused/causes an elevated sex drive. She told me that when she was a young adult, she was horny 24/7/365, and she almost always thought about getting laid when she wasn't getting laid.

I know a woman like that, but she manages it very nicely, gratifying herself as needed, and calling me when that's not enough. She doesn't engage in risky behavior, definitely only has one relationship at a time, and does very well in upper management in a large healthcare facility. She has confided to me that she needs sex every day, and multiple times a day if possible. She orgasms very easily, sometimes from nothing more than passionate kissing! She may not be "normal," but who in his right mind would complain???

[WaveRider]

Hi Texasred,

It's a different era. When my ex-g/f was extremely sexually active, STD's were cured with a shot. She did worry about getting knocked up, so she developed skills to prevent it. She hated and still hates condoms. One of her first boyfriends got her in to anal sex, which she was good with because she couldn't get knocked up.

In our era, I am extremely careful. CDC STD stats are alarming. They have modified my behavior. I don't want one, and won't be enticed into risky sex. I doubt if my ex-g/f would be as sexually adventurous today because she's equally worried about STD's.