[WaveRider]

I can't figure this out: why do men try to pretend that they don't know women whom they used to bang? After a break-up, why do dudes try to deny that they've ever dated a particular woman? Of course, this isn't comprehensive. Not all men do. I don't.

I know that my ex-g/f has had sex with a lot of men. I don't know the exact number. I've never asked. Based upon what she's told me, my guess is the number is somewhere in the 30's. To me, it's insignificant. The reality is she's going to run across at least a few men with whom she used to have sex.

The other night we were in a restaurant in a city close to where we both grew up. There was a couple sitting a few tables from us. I caught her checking out the dude many times. He glanced over at her more than a few times. Finally I asked her if she knew him. She had dated him for a couple months between marriages. She thought that they ended on good terms, although he was sexually selfish. She'd give him head, he'd cum, & was done. According to her, she doubted that he banged her less than a half-dozen times the entire time they dated, and she LOVES a package inside of her. No big deal. They were sexually incompatible. But what I can't figure out is why he couldn't at least acknowledge her existence.

Am I in a sparsely populated category? Do dudes usually try to avoid acknowledging former girlfriends when chance finds them dining in the same restaurant?

[jns]

Some people will get jealous over little things. Acknowledging a friend of the opposite sex can later lead to an argument or a lack of calling back. Even if he was solo, he should not interfere if you two seemed to be on a date. Sometimes not having a background of dating is useful because it gives a ring of truth to the denial of anything more than friendship when saying hi in such a situation as you described.

[atskitty2]

Yeah I wouldn't think one way or the other about it. Some people don't consider it a friendship...if they're just cordial.

I am friendly with old boyfriends, but not everyone is the same. And I certainly wouldn't think much if they felt it necessary to avoid contact. I'm not typically invested in that friendship so much that I'd be offended or think less of them if they decided to stop speaking.

[muffin70]

I think if a guy is talking with his mates he will more than likely boast about the number of women he has slept with.. if the guy is talking to his G/F he will probably downplay the number of women he has slept with....on our 3rd date my wife told me she had been married before and it was an unhappy marriage... and also she told me she'd only slept with 3 guys since... I told her I'd only slept with 3 women myself.... neither of us are interested in any of our ex's

[WaveRider]

You guys might be right.

Here's the reality: the woman he was with has banged many dudes before she married/began dating him. If he thinks she was a virgin, he's too dense to figure out basic etiquette. Were I to marry again and my wife ran into a former b/f while we were out, I'd expect her to be friendly toward him. Not being friendly could be an indicator of a problem.

My ex-g/f told me that the dude we saw whom she used to date was selfish, and not merely during sex. Selfish people are usually insecure or have other issues plaguing them. My ex-g/f does have considerable oral skills, so I can see how he'd want her blowing him, but it's selfish to even have thought that she had to give him head let alone it being almost their exclusive sex act. Hence, his blowing her off was assuredly consistent with his selfish personality.

After the passage of time, I now see it as insignificant; something I wouldn't have done, but insignificant considering his selfish personality.

I don't do well with selfish people.

[Texasred]

I can't figure this out: why do men try to pretend that they don't know women whom they used to bang? After a break-up, why do dudes try to deny that they've ever dated a particular woman?
....Finally I asked her if she knew him. She had dated him for a couple months between marriages... But what I can't figure out is why he couldn't at least acknowledge her existence.

I think there's a much simpler explanation: you were there, and her former bf has no idea how YOU might react to knowing she used to sleep with him.
Some guys might take it badly.

A while back, my wife and I, along with her two brothers and their wives, went to a bar where one of my wife's first serious boyfriends was playing, with his band. Between sets, we met, although I had gone to the restroom just before the break, and returned to find wife and ex-bf talking animatedly. He seemed VERY uncomfortable when he saw me approach, and not because of anything in my manner or expression, because Frankly, Scarlett... But still, I was a little surprised; maybe he felt guilty about something he'd just said? Or thought? lol Anyway, I put it down to the natural feelings a former mate has when in the presence of a woman's current one. He couldn't know if I were the jealous type (I'm not) or if maybe she had done that "Full Disclosure " thing discussed elsewhere.

[WaveRider]

Hi Texasred,

Might've been, but I doubt it. Most dudes who are beyond 25 know that their wives or girlfriends were with men before they got together.

He seemed to portray an image that was not the real him. Granted that when my ex-g/f dated him, she didn't want to become knocked up, and I'm sure he didn't want to knock her up. She hated condoms and still hates them. My ex-g/f told me that she would give head or finish a dude with head if she was within knocked up prone times of months. So maybe she blamed him for something he didn't do.

I might have put more thought into the encounter than justified.

[Texasred]

Stop over-thinking things, WR! :-)

[WaveRider]

Good Morning Texasred,

You're right and I have.