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How to ask for what I need?

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  • How to ask for what I need?

    So there are a couple things that are relevant to my situation, before I get to my question. First off, I was a virgin when I met my boyfriend so he's the only man I've ever been with. Secondly, I have always been extraordinarily shy and reserved. I've always had a hard time discussing intimate things with anyone.

    Given I really have no frame of reference, I'm reasonably happy with our sex life. He has some incredible stamina and we can go for hours. I've yet to have the same level of earth shaking orgasm I can achieve on my own, but I've had some decent "mini-gasms" when he remembers to play with my clitoris. There are a few things I'd like to ask for but despite how wonderful my boyfriend is, I still find it so hard to talk about sex or ask for something I want. Our foreplay mostly involves him playing with my breasts (which I enjoy) and me giving him a blow job. However he's never once offered to perform oral sex on me and I don't know how to ask. When we first started having sex, he told me about a few of his interests, but I wasn't ready to try them at that point. He was understanding and hasn't brought it up since. However, I think I might be interested in trying one of them but again, I'm so uncomfortable discussing this stuff.

    Believe me, I know, I should be able to talk to him. I just can't seem to say the words. Does anyone have any ideas on what to do?

  • Have him stick out his tongue, then point to it and then point to where you want him to use it. See if he gets the hint.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • You could always take the "no talk" approach and when you go to give him a blowjob, turn yourself the opposite direction and climb on top of him. (69 position) If you put it in his face and he still doesn't react....it might be time for a talk.

      Perhaps he is inexperienced in that area and just scared that he won't know what to do?
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • I'm all for verbal communication, though there are times that the more nuanced methods are necessary.

        Have you tried having a discussion about sex at times other than when you're getting ready to be sexual? Maybe bring up an article on oral sex (or anything related, really) on your phone, that really has nothing specific, and then take the topic in the direction you want it to go?

        It sort of takes the personal nature out of it. After discussing the article, you can bring up your interest in experiencing new things with him, and he can potentially share his thoughts on it, in a completely non-confrontational, non-threatening manner. I think you may be able to feel more comfortable with this approach, as it can be as detailed as you want it to go, or not at all.
        You could bring it up after watching a movie with some explicit sexual scenes, or just after binge-watching your favorite NetFlix.

        Best of luck.

        Comment

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