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I just want some assurance.

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  • I just want some assurance.

    Hello.

    So these are questions for all the ladies. For those who engage in anal sex, how many years have you been having it? Have you've had any long term negative effects of it like tearing, bacterial infections or fecal incontinence? Do the anal ring become lose over time because you have anal sex every day?

    I'm just concerned about the risk because I'm deciding whether I should engage in anal sex with my woman.

    So I would like as many replys as possible for some assurance.

    Thank you.

  • Hi, I'm a 36 year-old female and I've been having anal sex since I was 17 years old. I tried anal when I was younger, but neither the guy or I knew what we were doing and it hurt, so I gave up. When I was 17, I had a relationship with a much older guy who was very experienced and taught me so much about sex. He knew what he was doing and was very patient with me. The first time that I had anal with him was wonderful and I had the deepest, most intense orgasm I had ever experienced. It was different from a clitoral or vaginal orgasm, much deeper and longer, with my entire body shuddering. We had anal sex often after that, and I even discovered that I could squirt during anal.

    Ever since then, anal has been a regular part of my sexual life. I still love vaginal sex, but anal is different, not better, but more intense. I don't have anal every time I have sex, but I have to admit that when I don't have anal, I feel like something is missing. Suffice to say that I've had a lot of anal sex over the past 19 years. Maybe not everyday, but certainty several times a week.

    I haven't had any negative effects from anal. No infections, no tearing. And no incontinence, that's a myth. The sphincter is a powerful muscle and it doesn't get "worn out" from use. If anything, I feel like I have a lot of control over my sphincter. I'm so use to anal now that I don't have any pain at all from penetration because I know how it feels and am able to relax my sphincter. I might add that I use sex toys (butt plugs and dildos) to penetrate my anus regularly, which is a great way to learn how anal play feels.

    The most important thing with anal is:

    1. Take your time, don't rush,
    2. Lots of foreplay, including analingus.
    3. Use fingers first.
    4 Use lots and lots and lots of lube.

    I hope your partner and you are successful exploring anal fun!


    Comment


    • Kudos to you for reaching out and asking for input before pursuing this with your partner!

      I don't have a ton of anal sex as part of my regular sexual activities but I've done enough to know the pros and cons (at least for me). Luckily, I've never experienced the aftermath of what you described. Again, the fact that you're inquiring about this beforehand (granted your original post was back in December so I don't know if you've done the deed or not yet) is a great way to ensure your partner will likely have a positive experience.

      So many men just turn to porn as a how-to-guide and oftentimes the woman ends up paying the price by not having a truly pleasurable outcome.

      Communication with your woman is crucial when it comes to stuff like this. For me, I've had anal with 2 guys who it felt incredible with -- to the point where it surprised me how much I enjoyed it. This was likely because I also happened to be in love with them. I've also had anal with 2 other men who were casual FWBs and while it wasn't awful, it wasn't as pleasurable as I remembered it being with the men I had a deeper emotional connection with. Plus, one of the guys was super huge and honestly, it was just uncomfortable. While I'm happy I didn't tear, I was super sore for the next day or two and ended up telling him I couldn't do that with him anymore. It was just too much.

      Sexual activity and sex acts like anal aren't what's portrayed in porn. Along with the physical aspect, there's a much more mental and emotion attachment to it. That being said, make sure you don't rush it, use the proper tools (i.e. lube) and pay close attention to what your partner's body is doing, how it's reacting, etc. If it's too much for her and she says so, back off and don't feel bad about it. Cuddle with her, kiss her and play with her body until she's comfortable again. Let her decide if she wants to try again or if that's as far as she's willing to go for now.

      For me, the best way to start off is by having the guy spoon me and then placing the tip of the penis up against the anus. Then it's all about foreplay! Kissing, stroking, groping, fingering, etc., while simultaneously pushing the penis in super slowly. The body will respond accordingly.

      Once you're all the way in, don't go off to the races and start pumping away. Ask her how she's feeling and if she's okay. Don't do this constantly but make an effort to check in with her. When she's ready, then slowly, gently start to thrust. Let her determine the pace and how deep she can handle you.

      It's a dance if you think about it but since she's the one receiving, put the focus on her and reassure her that regardless of the outcome, you're super turned on by her and won't have any sour feelings if it doesn't turn out to be something she enjoys or if she doesn't have an orgasm as a result.

      Wishing you well!

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