My Wife & Orgasm

[EmpyNester]

Hi Ladies,

I've been doing some lurking and reading up on some previous posts, but have not found a definitive answer.

Anyway, my wife (20+ years) and I have a very good relationship and have regular sex (~2x per week). The sex is almost always passionate, fun, hot, good foreplay etc. We have a great time together. A while back as a result of some girl talk with her friends, she told me she does not "finish." She reassured me that it was not me and that she is totally satisfied with out sex life. But, it is not like she just lays there and is not into it (great sex faces BTW). And... I often notice that as she seems to ramp up with her moans, facial expressions, bucking, etc. that I can feel her contract around me. At times this is what will finish me! Is she having and orgasm, but just does not consider it to be an orgasm?

Interested in your takes?

Thanks!

[Wednesday L.F.]

Not all orgasms are created equal. It’s possible that, without knowing it, she’s having smaller, less intense orgasms that don’t feel like actually ‘finishing.’ Myself, there are low level cultural orgasms that are pleasurable, but don’t feel intense enough for me to feel completely satisfied. But after a well-placed O with g-spot emphasis, I’m done for the evening.

So yes, it’s possible that she is climaxing to some degree. Keep in mind too that most women don’t achieve orgasms through intercourse alone—fewer than 30% do so regularly.

[EmpyNester]

Thanks LF. I've tried over the years to introduce Oral (not into it) and toys (only mildly interested) to no avail She is seemingly happy with our sex life, so I am not going to obsess over it.

[jns]

There are only two ways that I knowingly have got lovers to finish through my actions: finger play and oral. Finger play has to be done very carefully so as to apply just the right amount of stimulation. The tongue cannot apply as much pressure, is softer and is slippery from moisture so that probably helps. What finger play has going for it is that you can have a sensous kiss at the same time a finger or two are providing stimulation which can enhance the overall situation. It can also occur while having intercourse.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

how long does your sex last ? You must understand that orgasm takes a long time its not something that happens quickly. 20 minutes ? no. it takes hours to get a women to orgasm. the problem is people want it quickly without effort but it takes hours to achieve it. there is much i don't know about orgasm. Foreplay is the most important thing. if you don't do enough or don't do it right you she wont keep climbing till she has an orgasm. as a guy you just gotta be patient. you cant speed it up. it takes as long as it takes. affective stimulus is vital. you gotta know if its working or not working. if for example rub her too hard its going to cause friction. that friction becomes painful then you are going in the wrong direction. Most people fail because they don't do enough foreplay. Foreplay to me is caressing her body for hours. if your hands are rough it aint gonna work. your fingers need to be soft and smooth. my advice is try it on yourself. caress yourself and study the feed back loop. the biggest mistake is that people think that the clit is the thing that gets a women off this is partly true but its only about 10%. grinding that clitoris for long times is eventually going to hurt. Pain kills orgasm quickly.

the friction that your hands create above her skin over her entire body is one huge erroneous zone is very important if your hands are rough and the pressure is too much it wont work. Don't spend too much time on the clit. the gspot is nonsense. it just doesn't work from what I know.

Women like massages like we all do.

caressing done correctly requires very very light pressure and in fact its not pressure at all. your hands just glide over her skin she can barely feel it.

her entire body is one huge erogenous zone. every inch of skin needs the caresses. gentle, slow, patient. You need to keep doing it until she starts to sweat. the sweat isn't really sweat. the body produces some weird secretion. first you will notice the sweat above her top lip. then her entire body after hours. eventually her and your own body is drenched in sweat. not just her vagina. only she will know when she is ready. when she is ready then enter her but not before. by this time your nuts are going to be aching in pain. (blue balls). at the threshold of her orgasm you enter her. see this is how its done. you get her aroused first. then enter. Understand shes going to want it badly because you are teasing her. its this continuous foreplay that's gets her wet. when you can skim that water off her back you know you are close to it. good luck try it tonight keep trying and trying. if it does not work then don't keep doing what your doing. though trial and error you will learn you just need to persist. dont give up. nothing comes easy. (no pun intended)

[PippaSutherland]

I have a question for you, why do you discuss your wife's orgasm not with her, but with other women you don't know at all online. Talk to her, find out all the details and subtleties, find an approach and that will be the best thing you do for her!!!

[EmpyNester]

Hi Pippa - What makes you think I have not discussed with my wife? I posted here just to get additional insight from others as well.

Thanks

[Wednesday L.F.]

Honestly, Pippa, not all women can say definitively what they like or what exactly isn't working for them. They just don't know their bodies or responses well enough, or they get hung up on thinking they "aren't normal" and that takes center stage over pleasure or connection.

I think it's commendable that someone is seeking out opinions from other women, especially when the topic is potentially embarrassing.

[jns]

Honestly, Pippa, not all women can say definitively what they like or what exactly isn't working for them. They just don't know their bodies or responses well enough, or they get hung up on thinking they "aren't normal" and that takes center stage over pleasure or connection.

I think it's commendable that someone is seeking out opinions from other women, especially when the topic is potentially embarrassing.

I like this response because it seems to be what happens at least some of the time. Sometimes an epiphany happens after a long struggle.

[atskitty2]

Yep, sometimes we just don't know what we don't know. It's good to seek out the experience of others and that's what we're here for!

[Seb]

As stated by jns , i've never brought a woman to climax with my penis alone. You could last for hours and still miss it IMO. I too would go with fingers and oral or toys.
That being said, i've had a partner who only had small orgasms but our relationship ended before we could figure out if that was her body's way of showing it or if she just needed more.
A tip though, after an orgasm, touching your woman should become too "powerful" for her and she'd most likely want to rest a bit. Is this happening?

[chelle2568]

What works for one woman, might not work for another. We are not the same and neither are our orgasms. The responder that said it takes hours, that’s not true either. Orgasm had always come very easily for me. As a matter of fact, too easily at times (like a 17 year old boy) ?. However, all that changed with my hysterectomy in June of 2019 at age 51. Now, I can’t orgasm without a vibrator. Don’t be too hard on your wife, believe it or not, we women struggle with feeling inadequate or defective at times too. We want to get there and we are turned on, sometimes there just seems to be a disconnect between brain and body. And if she’s older, menopausal hormones are a problem too.