[elysianrealm]

I discovered masturbation by sliding a thick piece of cloth between my legs and rhythmically pressing down on it... I was doing this for years before I realised it's probably not good to be pressing on my clit. Now I can't get off via any other method and while stroking my clit does feels kind of good, it doesn't get me anywhere.

I only started using sex toys 3 days ago, an air pulse toy that I bought cause 1) lots of raving reviews and 2) doesn't have direct contact with the clit, so I thought that would be a nice change from what I'm used to.

It definitely has a learning curve cause I have trouble finding my clit with the round nozzle it's supposed to go into, and I just can't get that "seal" around the clit. But my greater concern is whether I've permanently desensitized my nerves through my masturbation method? I can kinda feel the vibrations from the toy and it just... doesn't feel good at all.

Anyone had the same issue? How do I fix this? It's gotten to a point where I use the toy to turn me OFF cause it's a bit demoralising feeling nothing after like 10 mins of fiddling it around my clit.

[Alison H.]

I don't think you've done any permanent damage to your clit by masturbating that way. For what it's worth, I had a pretty similar experience when I was closer to your age, myself (late teens, early 20s) — I was used to masturbating one particular way (harder pressure against my clit) and it seemed like doing it ANY other way made it impossible to reach orgasm. The same was true for sex, actually — it took me a long time to "learn" how to reach orgasm by other means that weren't the one and only way I could reach orgasm through masturbation.

So I think it's likely just a matter of experimentation — trying different toys, different forms of pressure and stimulation, and even different positions. Women kind of have to train themselves to reach orgasm in a way... it doesn't always come immediately or easily (pun not intended).

I can't speak to the placement of a clit sucking toy (I've never used one) although I do know that they can take some playing around with to get them in the right place. From what I've heard, water-based lube can help with the latching part. But any toy that you experiment with may take some time to get used to and discover what works for you. Again, you're going to be feeling sensations that are different from the way you've always masturbated before — so there's an adjustment period. And not every toy is a perfect fit for every body — some folks love direct clit stimulation, others need more diffuse stimulation, and still others need internal G-spot stimulation. Some need intense vibration while others need softer/lighter vibration. Everyone's different, but luckily there are vibrators and sex toys out there to suit every need.

But I really, really don't think you've done any permanent nerve damage or anything. Don't let an inability to reach orgasm stress you out — because focusing on that too much can also make it harder to reach one. Take some time to play with your toy in different ways but make the activity one of exploration — just see what sensations you can experience and how they feel. Note the ones that feel best and then explore those further, but don't focus on reaching orgasm — just focus on the things that feel good. Taking the time to "practice" in this way can help you to discover new sensations and get familiar with how your body reacts to them, and that is all part of the process of learning how to reach orgasm in new ways.

[Gena G.]

I would have to agree with Alison on this one. I think there's a difference between "damage" and just being used to one way of masturbating. If you have a way that works for you that's great! Some things work for people and some don't. Everyone's body is different. I've been using vibrators and hand/fingers just doesn't do it for me. (Inconvenient!) It used to stress me out because I felt like I wasn't "normal" but then one day I decided just to accept it as what it was. I've been a lot less anxious about it ever since. I think a lot of people can only orgasm from really specific things but TV/porn/movies make it feel like all of womankind can cum any way they want. If you want to keep experimenting with toys and you're having fun then keep at it, but if it's causing you more stress than fun don't worry about it!

[elysianrealm]

Thank you so much for your responses! I definitely feel more at ease now.

I appreciate you taking the time to help me