[Aida_ccaf]

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry, but I need
to vent and see if this is normal or
there's something wrong with me
I was in a relationship for 7 years
with a guy who was my first sexual
partner. Initially we had a good sex
life but then eventually he stopped
wanting to have sex with me and we
eventually broke up (he was very
emotionally abusive and I went
through a rough time). Although I
thought the sex was good, I never
had an orgasm, and was excited to
be with new partners and try
different things. After a long and
painful recovery process from
everything he did, I started seeing
other people, and have had 2 more
sexual partners. However... they
were awful. The first one said he
couldn't get hard with a condom,
got very awkward, tried to choke
and slap my bottom and lick my feet
and it was just very awkward and
lack of connection (in the end I
ended up giving him a bj and he
actually asked if I came? When I said
no, he straight up assumed it was
me as well, which really hurt). Then the second one he was a
lot better with foreplay (he
actually touched my boobs!
Haha which the first one didn't)
but then he started rubbing on
me and doing literal capoeira
dance on top of me and came.
and that was it, my vagina didn't
even see the light of day. I feel
very disheartened over all of this
and am starting to think that
maybe all men are like this, that
my ex maybe wasn't that bad
and that maybe there is
something wrong with me... i
always knew first time having sex
with a new person was not great,
but never did I think it'd be this
bad?? I'm just very sad over this
and questioning if this has ever
happened to someone else?

[jns]

Hi everyone! I'm so sorry, but I need
to vent and see if this is normal or
there's something wrong with me
I was in a relationship for 7 years
with a guy who was my first sexual
partner. Initially we had a good sex
life but then eventually he stopped
wanting to have sex with me and we
eventually broke up (he was very
emotionally abusive and I went
through a rough time). Although I
thought the sex was good, I never
had an orgasm, and was excited to
be with new partners and try
different things. After a long and
painful recovery process from
everything he did, I started seeing
other people, and have had 2 more
sexual partners. However... they
were awful. The first one said he
couldn't get hard with a condom,
got very awkward, tried to choke
and slap my bottom and lick my feet
and it was just very awkward and
lack of connection (in the end I
ended up giving him a bj and he
actually asked if I came? When I said
no, he straight up assumed it was
me as well, which really hurt). Then the second one he was a
lot better with foreplay (he
actually touched my boobs!
Haha which the first one didn't)
but then he started rubbing on
me and doing literal capoeira
dance on top of me and came.
and that was it, my vagina didn't
even see the light of day. I feel
very disheartened over all of this
and am starting to think that
maybe all men are like this, that
my ex maybe wasn't that bad
and that maybe there is
something wrong with me... i
always knew first time having sex
with a new person was not great,
but never did I think it'd be this
bad?? I'm just very sad over this
and questioning if this has ever
happened to someone else?

You have had bad luck with sexual partners but all men are not like those men. Best wishes on your journey to find a loving and caring partner.

[Alison H.]

Like jns pointed out, it sounds like bad luck and it’s important to remember, too, that you’re talking about just three men. That’s a very small pool of experience to draw from and unfortunately, it was not the best in any circumstance.

I’ve been in relationships where the sex just wasn’t all that good, and the majority of the time, it was strongly due to a lack of connection with the person. One relationship, in particular, it just… never seemed to “click” the way I later discovered it should have (when I met someone else).

And that was a life lesson — an eye-opening one.

Given what you said about guy #1 (the 7-year emotionally abusive relationship), your inability to reach orgasm may have stemmed from how he made you feel from an emotional standpoint. The sex might have been “good” enough, but it wasn’t enough — if that makes sense?

Guy #2 (choking feet licker) — that just sounds like a straight-up bad match. (And a clueless one, given that he asked whether giving him a bj made you orgasm. Really? No matter how much a person enjoys giving head, it’s a little difficult to reach orgasm without any other stimulation… come on, man.)

Guy #3 (capoeira dancer) — again, it sounds like it was just another bad match. Although the way you described it made me chuckle.

My point? NONE of those is YOUR fault and not all men are like this. Sex with new people is always a bit of a crapshoot because you never know what you’re going to get.

First-time sex is usually a little awkward or strange, to some degree, given that two people are engaging in something intimate together without really knowing all that much about what the other likes, their personal style when it comes to sex, and even their individual senses of rhythm. All of these are important factors that relate to satisfaction.

It’s going to sound a little cliche, probably, but in some ways, it’s like Cinderella’s slipper. You just gotta find the right fit and that usually takes a bit of trial and error. Sometimes it takes a lot.

I’m sure most of us have at least a story or two where that’s concerned. Our sex lives are journeys of sorts; if anything, all of the experiences we didn’t like are what help us to seek (and recognize) the ones we do want in the end.

You'll find the right match(es) — just don't give up.

[Mo]

Like everyone else just pointed out before me, there is nothing wrong with you. NEVER EVER blame yourself for something like this.
You were just unlucky in those 3 cases.
I'm sure you'll find the right person one day!

[amy40]

First-time sex is usually a little awkward or strange, to some degree, given that two people are engaging in something intimate together without really knowing all that much about what the other likes, their personal style when it comes to sex, and even their individual senses of rhythm.

my first time was with husband on our honeymoon

what is really weird is that I can't remember that first time at all!
I've racked my brain trying to remember, like what hotel it was at, how we did it, day or night, etc
there's just a blank!

I remember other vacations & get-a-ways but not honeymoon....weird, huh

[Gena G.]

I have always struggled to have an orgasm with a partner (I crush it solo though) but I still have a lot of great sex! Cumming doesn't have to be part of the equation. I used to be really insecure about not having an orgasm with men and then I realized I could just decide not to be and have fun. I relaxed a lot and now it doesn't bother me.

That being said not all men are like those two. I have certainly spent time with men who don't consider me at all during sex and men where we just have zero sexual chemistry. But then I have found lots of men who care about if I have a good time and care about communicating so we both get what we want. Definitely get back out there because you will find someone who you can have exciting, great sex with even if it takes a little while.

Concentrate on just having a good time and if you have an orgasm that's the cherry on top.