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Is there something wrong with me?

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  • Is there something wrong with me?

    Hi everyone! I'm so sorry, but I need
    to vent and see if this is normal or
    there's something wrong with me
    I was in a relationship for 7 years
    with a guy who was my first sexual
    partner. Initially we had a good sex
    life but then eventually he stopped
    wanting to have sex with me and we
    eventually broke up (he was very
    emotionally abusive and I went
    through a rough time). Although I
    thought the sex was good, I never
    had an orgasm, and was excited to
    be with new partners and try
    different things. After a long and
    painful recovery process from
    everything he did, I started seeing
    other people, and have had 2 more
    sexual partners. However... they
    were awful. The first one said he
    couldn't get hard with a condom,
    got very awkward, tried to choke
    and slap my bottom and lick my feet
    and it was just very awkward and
    lack of connection (in the end I
    ended up giving him a bj and he
    actually asked if I came? When I said
    no, he straight up assumed it was
    me as well, which really hurt). Then the second one he was a
    lot better with foreplay (he
    actually touched my boobs!
    Haha which the first one didn't)
    but then he started rubbing on
    me and doing literal capoeira
    dance on top of me and came.
    and that was it, my vagina didn't
    even see the light of day. I feel
    very disheartened over all of this
    and am starting to think that
    maybe all men are like this, that
    my ex maybe wasn't that bad
    and that maybe there is
    something wrong with me... i
    always knew first time having sex
    with a new person was not great,
    but never did I think it'd be this
    bad?? I'm just very sad over this
    and questioning if this has ever
    happened to someone else?

  • Originally posted by Aida_ccaf View Post
    Hi everyone! I'm so sorry, but I need
    to vent and see if this is normal or
    there's something wrong with me
    I was in a relationship for 7 years
    with a guy who was my first sexual
    partner. Initially we had a good sex
    life but then eventually he stopped
    wanting to have sex with me and we
    eventually broke up (he was very
    emotionally abusive and I went
    through a rough time). Although I
    thought the sex was good, I never
    had an orgasm, and was excited to
    be with new partners and try
    different things. After a long and
    painful recovery process from
    everything he did, I started seeing
    other people, and have had 2 more
    sexual partners. However... they
    were awful. The first one said he
    couldn't get hard with a condom,
    got very awkward, tried to choke
    and slap my bottom and lick my feet
    and it was just very awkward and
    lack of connection (in the end I
    ended up giving him a bj and he
    actually asked if I came? When I said
    no, he straight up assumed it was
    me as well, which really hurt). Then the second one he was a
    lot better with foreplay (he
    actually touched my boobs!
    Haha which the first one didn't)
    but then he started rubbing on
    me and doing literal capoeira
    dance on top of me and came.
    and that was it, my vagina didn't
    even see the light of day. I feel
    very disheartened over all of this
    and am starting to think that
    maybe all men are like this, that
    my ex maybe wasn't that bad
    and that maybe there is
    something wrong with me... i
    always knew first time having sex
    with a new person was not great,
    but never did I think it'd be this
    bad?? I'm just very sad over this
    and questioning if this has ever
    happened to someone else?
    You have had bad luck with sexual partners but all men are not like those men. Best wishes on your journey to find a loving and caring partner.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • Like jns pointed out, it sounds like bad luck and it’s important to remember, too, that you’re talking about just three men. That’s a very small pool of experience to draw from and unfortunately, it was not the best in any circumstance.

      I’ve been in relationships where the sex just wasn’t all that good, and the majority of the time, it was strongly due to a lack of connection with the person. One relationship, in particular, it just… never seemed to “click” the way I later discovered it should have (when I met someone else).

      And that was a life lesson — an eye-opening one.

      Given what you said about guy #1 (the 7-year emotionally abusive relationship), your inability to reach orgasm may have stemmed from how he made you feel from an emotional standpoint. The sex might have been “good” enough, but it wasn’t enough — if that makes sense?

      Guy #2 (choking feet licker) — that just sounds like a straight-up bad match. (And a clueless one, given that he asked whether giving him a bj made you orgasm. Really? No matter how much a person enjoys giving head, it’s a little difficult to reach orgasm without any other stimulation… come on, man.)

      Guy #3 (capoeira dancer) — again, it sounds like it was just another bad match. Although the way you described it made me chuckle.

      My point? NONE of those is YOUR fault and not all men are like this. Sex with new people is always a bit of a crapshoot because you never know what you’re going to get.

      First-time sex is usually a little awkward or strange, to some degree, given that two people are engaging in something intimate together without really knowing all that much about what the other likes, their personal style when it comes to sex, and even their individual senses of rhythm. All of these are important factors that relate to satisfaction.

      It’s going to sound a little cliche, probably, but in some ways, it’s like Cinderella’s slipper. You just gotta find the right fit and that usually takes a bit of trial and error. Sometimes it takes a lot.

      I’m sure most of us have at least a story or two where that’s concerned. Our sex lives are journeys of sorts; if anything, all of the experiences we didn’t like are what help us to seek (and recognize) the ones we do want in the end.

      You'll find the right match(es) — just don't give up.

      Comment


      • Like everyone else just pointed out before me, there is nothing wrong with you. NEVER EVER blame yourself for something like this.
        You were just unlucky in those 3 cases.
        I'm sure you'll find the right person one day!

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Alison H. View Post
          First-time sex is usually a little awkward or strange, to some degree, given that two people are engaging in something intimate together without really knowing all that much about what the other likes, their personal style when it comes to sex, and even their individual senses of rhythm.
          my first time was with husband on our honeymoon

          what is really weird is that I can't remember that first time at all!
          I've racked my brain trying to remember, like what hotel it was at, how we did it, day or night, etc
          there's just a blank!

          I remember other vacations & get-a-ways but not honeymoon....weird, huh

          Comment


          • I have always struggled to have an orgasm with a partner (I crush it solo though) but I still have a lot of great sex! Cumming doesn't have to be part of the equation. I used to be really insecure about not having an orgasm with men and then I realized I could just decide not to be and have fun. I relaxed a lot and now it doesn't bother me.

            That being said not all men are like those two. I have certainly spent time with men who don't consider me at all during sex and men where we just have zero sexual chemistry. But then I have found lots of men who care about if I have a good time and care about communicating so we both get what we want. Definitely get back out there because you will find someone who you can have exciting, great sex with even if it takes a little while.

            Concentrate on just having a good time and if you have an orgasm that's the cherry on top.

            Comment

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