[passionfruit]

So, just learned that my boyfriend got herpes from his past sexual life. We had unprotected sex twice since we are together (-a little go crazy moment). We are planing to have kids but now with this sudden announcement I’m really worried.

I don’t want to leave him because of that, also I might have it but no symptoms yet.

My questions are : Is there couple on this platform with herpes and kids ? How did you made them ? Is it dangerous? Can we have more then one safely ? What is the best way to procreate? Is unprotected sex safe while procreating if finally I don’t have herpes ? Do you have any suggestions advice for this new life ? Im more anxious about the health of my future children then mine ????

[Alison H.]

Hi passionfruit — and welcome to the forums.

I’m assuming that you mean your boyfriend has genital herpes? Hopefully, someone in the forums will be able to answer your questions from a first-person perspective.

In the meantime, I did some research at the CDC (and will consult with someone from our medical review board, as well); here’s what I found:

Using condoms does lower the risk of transmission between partners, but it doesn’t completely negate it. That said, the transmission of herpes is more likely to occur during an active outbreak. (It can still be passed even without symptoms present, but the risk is lower during that time.)

So if your boyfriend was between outbreaks during the times when you had unprotected sex, it’s possible that you haven’t been infected.

For peace of mind and to know for SURE, I think it’s worth seeing your doctor.

Although diagnosis can be made by looking at sores or taking a sample/culture from them; if you have no symptoms, your doctor can still perform a blood test to look for HSV antibodies (which basically shows whether your body is producing antibodies against the infection, signaling that you have one if they are present in your bloodwork).

There is no cure for herpes, however, there is medication that can shorten outbreaks (or prevent them entirely), and it can also lower the risk of transmission to partners. Do you know if your boyfriend is currently taking any medication?

In terms of pregnancy, when you reach that point, it is incredibly important that your OBGYN is aware of your status (if you do have herpes, but even if you don’t — since your partner does) so that it can be monitored accordingly.

Active genital herpes infections can be problematic during pregnancy if they are not managed, and management can include taking anti-herpes medication to reduce symptoms and signs of the infection — largely to prevent genital outbreaks that can affect delivery.

Because herpes can be passed to the baby during a vaginal birth (IF there is an active outbreak and sores in/around the vagina), the delivery may involve a C-section if sores are present.

Again, that’s why it’s important for an OBGYN to be completely aware — during labor, they’d know to look for signs of an outbreak and make the call accordingly.

I know it’s a legitimate cause for anxiety and concern, but I hope that it helps to know that women who have herpes give birth to healthy children all the time — and safely so. And herpes is very common.

The biggest takeaway: be aware of your status and make sure that your doctor is aware as well (of your status, but also that of your boyfriend’s — so even if you’re not infected now, you’ll be monitored for infection going forward), and consult with your doctor regularly — before and during pregnancy, when you reach that point.