you have it or you don't have it

[rafapak]

When I was twenty (now 50) I had a crush on this girl at school. At the age of 19 she slept with many guys already. She wasn't interested in me sexually that's why I assume she didn't have reason to lie to me when we talked about male sexuality. She told me 'you have it or you don't have it ' . I remember I forgot to ask her what she means when she says that . To me it means that you can't learn bedroom skills even if you try to sleep with as many women as possible. Do you guys agree with that ? This is question to all but particularly to females.

[atskitty2]

No, I don't necessarily agree with that at all. But, perhaps more importantly, why are you entertaining the details of a discussion that happened 30 years ago? What has happened recently for you to revisit this?

It could mean a lot of things, depending on the context of that conversation and that particular comment itself. I am certainly not the same lover as I was 30 years ago, or even 10 years ago. I'm a 50 yr old female. My preferences have changed, and my skill level has changed over the years. It's a process, and like anything else in life, we tend to improve with experience and knowledge expansion and understanding.

[rafapak]

she was the only lady I talked to about sex in my life. I never had crush on anybody else later. I never dated anybody in my life. I was always insecure about my bedroom performance and you can't be insecure about your bedroom skills if you want to date women. People on the internet wonder how is it possible that there are many men who get laid without paying for this etc. The answer is that they are confident as far as their bedroom skills . They slept with many women, they pleased all of them , they know what to do in bed so that every woman who sleeps with them is satisfied. Those guys can exude this confidence when they talk to ladies. I remember this lady I mentioned in first message told me that there was this guy who was hitting on her . He told her that if she goes with him she will not regret it. She told me later that she had sex with this guy and she didn't regret it . The reason I talk about all of that is that I wonder what is the difference between guys who are good in bed and those who suck in bed. I want to know what is this thing that guys who can please women have and those who can't please women don't have. Can you ladies try to explain to me what is this thing ?

[jns]

When I was twenty (now 50) I had a crush on this girl at school. At the age of 19 she slept with many guys already. She wasn't interested in me sexually that's why I assume she didn't have reason to lie to me when we talked about male sexuality. She told me 'you have it or you don't have it ' . I remember I forgot to ask her what she means when she says that . To me it means that you can't learn bedroom skills even if you try to sleep with as many women as possible. Do you guys agree with that ? This is question to all but particularly to females.

I am a guy. I know that my bedroom skills took a while to develop. At age 19, she probably hadn't had sex with many men who had developed skills over time. So to the 19 year old her, what she said made sense and was truthful. I wonder if she had sex with men a variety of ages as she got older and changed her opinion over time? Maybe had sex with the amateurish man when he was young and had sex with the much more skilled man when he was older. This is not to say that all men gain skills as they get older, but some do. Sleeping with a lot of women has little to do with gaining bedroom skills, in my opinion.

[rafapak]

at the age of twenty she slept with men 50, 40, 30, 20 years old. She was very beautiful at the time , she had many options and she liked changes. At the age of 19 she had very high body count. I am scared to think about her body count at the moment when she is 50 yo. Those guys she had sex with were not inexperienced , believe me therefore I think her words were important as far as sexuality is concerned.

[atskitty2]

rafapak I think you may be connecting the number of partners a person has had with their skills and ability to satisfy. This may be related, but it's not a prerequisite for having a satisfying partner. What makes a skilled partner and what gives them the ability to please someone in the bedroom is their desire to do so. Since we all enjoy different things sexually, each partner will learn what pleases us and we learn the same for them.

My current partner is a bit younger than me, and he has had fewer partners than me, I'm sure, though it isn't something we've ever talked about. He never slept around, and neither have I. We have a great sex life tho' because we talk about what we want and what we like, and then we do that, and work on that together.

I think we could have a long, detailed discussion about this. Just think of it like anything else-nobody is at a pro level the first time trying something. Think about professional athletes for example. They may have had a natural talent, a skill and athleticism but they still had to learn the basics, and build on their ability.

[MrMr]

Confidence is a big part in sexual attraction. And even the most inexperienced guy can have that confidence by simply asking what a woman likes and listening.