[thisguy1259]

My wife tells me she doesn’t masturbate. While it doesn’t matter to me, it is hard for me to believe since I’m the opposite! I can understand if we had sex regularly, but lately it hasn’t been regular at all. I think we would have sex may once every 2/3 months. I’m 33 and she is 32 and we have been married for 4 years. Like I said, it doesn’t really matter, more just a curiosity thing. Is this more common for females than I think?

[jns]

My wife tells me she doesn’t masturbate. While it doesn’t matter to me, it is hard for me to believe since I’m the opposite! I can understand if we had sex regularly, but lately it hasn’t been regular at all. I think we would have sex may once every 2/3 months. I’m 33 and she is 32 and we have been married for 4 years. Like I said, it doesn’t really matter, more just a curiosity thing. Is this more common for females than I think?

Welcome to WH Interactive Forums. Unless you caught her masturbating, I would tend to believe her. You cannot use your own understanding of yourself as a template for what your wife does even if she has thoroughly enjoyed sex and orgasming in the past with you. As for sex only every several months, carefully note her disposition and find out if she is more receptive at certain times of her cycle.

[Kayla Lords]

Not masturbating is very common in women probably because of the lack of sex education and sheer amount of shame that's drilled into a lot of people's heads -- especially women -- about self-pleasure. When I was growing up, there were tons of jokes about guys masturbating but (at the time) the common thought was that, "Girls didn't do that." Speaking from experience, I didn't masturbate for the first time until I was 32, because (until then) I didn't think women did that much, plus since I had no experience with it, I wasn't even sure how.

If she says she doesn't masturbate, believe her.

Sex slowing down in relationships is extremely common, and there are about a million reasons why. Stress. Exhaustion. Busy lives. The slow-down of the "honeymoon period" in newer relationships. And that's just a few.

If the slow-down in sex is bothering you, the best thing to do is talk to your wife -- and listen to her -- about what you both want and need in your sex life and see if you can find ways to find what will work for both of you.

[Wednesday L.F.]

A lot of things could cause a sexually active woman to eschew sex or masturbation. Depression is the one that leaps to mind, but simple stress, lack of sleep, poor physical health, or any number of mood disorders can cause this. It may be a good idea for her to ask a doctor about her lack of libido--if it's a problem for her. It may simply be that she has a low sex drive and doesn't feel the urge as often as you do.

All that said, my husband and I love shopping for sex toys online. Browsing and discussing sex toys can be a great way to start a conversation (rather than asking a question and then wondering if she's lying) about masturbation and sex.

[MrMr]

I think you just have to take what she says at face value and create a safe space where she knows she can talk about it with you. Approach intimate conversation with the intention to learn more about each other with an understanding curiosity

[thisguy1259]

Thanks all for the replies! Like I said, I genuinely don't care if she does or doesn't, but just wondered if she was just embarrassed to say she did, or just truly didn't! TBH I do believe her, especially after the responses. Thank you all.

[USNVET68]

I found over the years a lot of women either do not know how to masturbate or think some how its wrong.

I would consider what I have performed with over 80 women as it is amazing foreplay prior to intercourse

Have your wife jurk you almost to the point of ejaculation as you play with her clitoris at the same time.

Sort of mutual masturbation

It is perfectly alright to allow her to climax a a few times prior to doing oral or intercourse.

Some women need to be shown its ok to climax over and over and after she learns how capable she is at having multi climaxes she will want sex a lot more

[MeLuvCookies]

I wish my wife would masturbate, not just because it would be hot as hell to watch and it would, but so she can get comfortable with her body love her body more and love sex more and figure out more what she likes and how she likes it and help me find it so I can give her more of what she likes and more of what gets her off.

I have encouraged it, total no from her. I bought sex toy when she said something about wanting to a toy. I bought a couples vibrator she could also use herself and it is remote control operated or phone operated so she wouldn't even really have to touch herself if she was feeling self conscious about that. It has sat there in the box for 8 years unopened because she won't try it.

She made a statement recently that women don't masturbate. I was puzzled, like what. I tried to tell her there is not only nothing weird about it but plenty of grown women masturbate. Her response was that only women who are dirty *****s would masturbate. I was speechless. No clue as man how to respond to a woman having such a repressed sexual attitude about women's sexuality that it sounds like she is straight out of the Handmaid's Tale.

[JonnyR]

This is such a bummer!

When I was younger, the thought of my partner masturbating by herself when I was not there really bothered me and was a hit to my ego.

As I got older, the thought began appealing to me more and more -- and luckily, I have grown out of the juvenile thought that it had anything to do with me in a negative way.

Now, like you said, it's hot as hell -- either hearing about them doing it (I always ask and for details too!), watching them doing it (live or video), or doing it mutually together.

I have in fact been with some women who never did it, thought it was weirdor gross, etc -- but I've also, surprisingly enough, -- been with a LOT who have done it, do it regularly, and think nothing of it, which is refreshing and fun.

In fact, many of the women I've met and been with do it pretty much every single day -- morning and night!

I wish to hell that I could do that too, but our shots in the chamber are more limited.

Anyway, what do her friends say about it?

Usually, there's a "s-l-u-t" in the group of friends that makes everyone feel ok about this sort of thing, and as you know guys are always pretty up front about all these types of things.

Maybe if she had some friendships, watches some porn, or otherwise engaged in meaningful ways of getting to know herself further, she might be more willing to do it?

Something else I've done which is wicked fun, but requires a lot of trust: SHOWING a woman who is not that experienced with masturbation, HOW to do it -- especially if you give her orgasms yourself orally or via fingering -- you can "show" her how she can do it herself.

An easy way to do this "in the moment" so she is not self conscious about it is to take her finger, lick it, and put it on her clit while you're having missionary sex letting her know that it's "ok" to touch herself and you in fact want her to do it...

Stuff like that breaks the ice in the heat of the moment, so there is less/no pushback, and if she really tries, she might figure out what she likes all on her own and maybe want to explore that more in the future.

[Wednesday L.F.]

Dirty **** here. Masturbation is good for you.
okay, I shouldn’t make light of a real problem. Many women are taught that sexual desire is something only men contend with and that moral women can and should resist. It’s sad, for sure. And may not be something she can just change her mind about. It sounds like she doesn’t want to. It also sounds like an ongoing problem that’s hurting you.

You may have to choose between the sex life you want and the person you’re with. I wish I had a magical answer that would make her change her mind and work on this issue. Some women are aroused by porn, or romance novels. I know plenty of women who read smut as a prelude to sex or masturbation. That might be worth trying but the truth is that not everyone wants an active sex life. As much as you may want to, it just can’t be forced.