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One thing that has bothered me for many years

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  • One thing that has bothered me for many years

    Okay, I posted the other day about a similar issue and got some answers I needed. Thanks for that.

    But I've had a question that remains unanswered to this day, one that has both upset me and bewildered me over the years. My wife and I have been married for over 50 years and it's always been pretty good. But, I hate to admit it but I don't think my wife has ever climaxed during our lovemaking. And I can honestly say it's not from the lack of my trying.

    Early years were difficult because I loved extended foreplay and when action time arrived I suffered PE and finished too quickly, often in less than a minute I'm sure. While I'm sure it was frustrating for her at the time, it was also very embarrassing and frustrating for me. I tried countless times to ask her how I could 'please' her with my fingers but she always rejected the offer suggesting that her clitoris was 'too sensitive' and it was uncomfortable for me to touch her. In addition, despite many requests, she would not show me how to do it for her. In fact, she has told me on a number of occasions that she had NEVER masturbated using her fingers.

    My solution at the time was to buy her a vibrator and it worked a treat. Our lovemaking was good and I wasn't concerned if I lost control and ejaculated too quickly. She had the perfect tool at hand to bring herself to climax. But, this is where the thing that has 'bothered' me all those years raises it's head. As said earlier, she always claimed her clitoris was too sensitive for me to try and stimulate it, but it has never been too sensitive to have quite aggressive vibrators pressed hard against it. I know she was applying force because I could hear it slowing as she pressed it against her flesh.

    I've never pressed the subject because it doesn't go down well but I've (seriously) had this self doubt that, not only I haven't been able to satisty her, but the lingering thought that she might not have loved me as much as I loved her.

    I know it sounds childish in a way, especially from a guy (couple) married for over half a century. Anyway, I just thought I'd throw it out there to see what you might think. Are there other women that have a 'too sensitive' clitoris that are able to go hard with a vibrator?
    Thanks

    Edit: One other thing that is frustrating is reading all the things on this forum that couples willingly get up to (fellatio, cunnilingus etc). The truth is, those sort of activities in our relationship were rare indeed. There were many things other than straight intercourse that she didn't really enjoy and indulge in.

  • Your situation is not unusual. The studies I have read about indicate that many women do not orgasm from intercourse. Also, because fingers can be rough and strong, especially fingers of men, they are not a preferred way to orgasm. My experience is that women wanting to reach orgasm prefer a tongue (or a toy.) In your wife's case, she probably likes the intimacy she creates while using her toy. I would say with this many years of doing it the way she likes to do it, she probably isn't interested in changing. Maybe you should just be happy that she is still able to enjoy the sensations of orgasming.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • It’s estimated that 70% or more of women don’t climax from penile penetration alone. There are sex toys that can be used during sex to stimulate the clit and increase the odds of orgasm during sex—provided of course, that both partners are relaxed and comfortable with that idea. These can include wearable vibes for her, vibrating **** rings (there’s a huge variety of these that can be used for very specific types of stimulation.

      My partner and I like to online shop for sex toys from bed. Just looking at toys and discussing them might help you and your wife have conversations you haven’t been having.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by jns View Post
        Your situation is not unusual. The studies I have read about indicate that many women do not orgasm from intercourse. Also, because fingers can be rough and strong, especially fingers of men, they are not a preferred way to orgasm. My experience is that women wanting to reach orgasm prefer a tongue (or a toy.) In your wife's case, she probably likes the intimacy she creates while using her toy. I would say with this many years of doing it the way she likes to do it, she probably isn't interested in changing. Maybe you should just be happy that she is still able to enjoy the sensations of orgasming.
        Oh I am happy that she is still able to enjoy orgasm, I always have been. I'm sure too that she is happy that I can enjoy time to myself. It's just that knowing she's doing it is a really strong turn-on for me.

        Comment

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