[Alison H.]

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how little most of us are actually taught about sex. Not just the mechanics or the “don’t get pregnant” part, but the real stuff: comfort, communication, awkwardness, boundaries, pleasure, and all the weird emotional layers that come with it.

For me, I wish someone had told me that sex isn’t something that’s supposed to “look right” — it’s supposed to feel right. That there’s no perfect performance, no single “normal,” and that it’s totally okay to pause, laugh, or admit something feels off. When I was younger (20s), I spent way too much time worrying about what I looked like instead of paying attention to what actually felt good, if that makes sense.

What’s something you wish you’d learned about sex before you started having it? Whether it’s physical, emotional, communication-based, or even something funny — I’d love to hear your take.
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[jns]

I suppose that if I knew more about sex and relationships earlier, I might have started traveling internationally earlier. I was a bit of a late starter and I didn't have any success at having intimate relationships until I started going to Mexico with friends. Those relationships gave me a jump start at moving up in jobs until I had one that would supply me with enough money to work on fulfilling dreams.

[JonnyR]

For me, I wish I had been taught more of the mechanics of pleasuring a woman...sure, I got "lucky" in my first few encounters that the women generally got off through penetration, but hell if I knew what a clitoris was or where to find it! LOL...

It wasn't until my first long-term relationship that I was able to explore, and not just for her sake, but for mine and my learning and growth curve shot exponentially!

It was like having a teacher who was patient with you, learning about their own body at the same time, and each person was there for the ride, without judgment, shame, or embarrassment -- just noticing things, trying things and not being afraid to fail.

[Alison H.]

That makes a lot of sense, for sure. I don't think I really understood what I liked (truly) and didn't until I was well into my 20s and learned a lot more about myself in general. I mean, I'd had lots of sex before then, but looking back, it was... nowhere near what it became later on.

[DNT]

That makes a lot of sense, for sure. I don't think I really understood what I liked (truly) and didn't until I was well into my 20s and learned a lot more about myself in general. I mean, I'd had lots of sex before then, but looking back, it was... nowhere near what it became later on.

May I ask how if differed and became so much better, later on and would having lots of sex include having a lot of partners, as well?

[atskitty2]

That it's ok to be assertive, ask for what you want and direct a partner in the direction you want them to go. Growing up in a puritanical, sex-only-after-marriage culture, we were basically taught that we're there for the pleasure of the man. It was ok if we also enjoyed it, but the goal and objective was to keep the husband happy, etc.

Obviously, I was in my mid-twenties, married when those beliefs began to fade well into the background, but I wish those first years hadn't been so jaded by the male-centered perspective.

[DNT]

That it's ok to be assertive, ask for what you want and direct a partner in the direction you want them to go. Growing up in a puritanical, sex-only-after-marriage culture, we were basically taught that we're there for the pleasure of the man. It was ok if we also enjoyed it, but the goal and objective was to keep the husband happy, etc.

Obviously, I was in my mid-twenties, married when those beliefs began to fade well into the background, but I wish those first years hadn't been so jaded by the male-centered perspective.

OK then and yes, times have changed and most likely will continue to change.
So, you're saying, that you would have otherwise, done some things and/or for doing those things, differently?

[Alison H.]

May I ask how if differed and became so much better, later on and would having lots of sex include having a lot of partners, as well?

It became different over time just with experience, and learning what I liked or didn't like, and also learning how to express that. Being open enough to, and comfortable enough with a partner to. Basically all the things that come with time, practice, and maturity.

But lots of sex doesn't necessarily equate to having a lot of partners. I mean, a person might have sex with someone once, and then have sex with someone else a thousand times. That all depends on the length of a relationship.

[DNT]

It became different over time just with experience, and learning what I liked or didn't like, and also learning how to express that. Being open enough to, and comfortable enough with a partner to. Basically all the things that come with time, practice, and maturity.

But lots of sex doesn't necessarily equate to having a lot of partners. I mean, a person might have sex with someone once, and then have sex with someone else a thousand times. That all depends on the length of a relationship.

There's definitely a lot to say about having experience and so wish I could go back and do it all over again, for the most part. Again, youth is wasted on the young and for knowing what I know now, I'm most sure I could have done a lot better with satisfying my partners and for thinking that I now know what most women really like, or for the most part, anyway.


And yes, you're right about having lots of sex in more than one context, rather than for just being promiscuous. I was just being my curious self.
As for me, I've always been that way or would like to be, but I'm afraid that train has came and went, so now for just being the good boy that I am.

[Alison H.]

youth is wasted on the young

That is SO true. LOL. I think about that sometimes, the things I could have done better or even enjoyed more if I'd had the experience that (eventually) came with being older. But then, we at least have that knowledge to take forward with us once we gain it (sexually and otherwise).