[Alison H.]

Intimacy isn’t always about sex or making out, or dating or even romance. Sometimes it’s making someone laugh so hard they accidentally fart, or it's someone bringing you coffee without being asked. Sitting on the same couch, doing completely different things, and feeling close anyway...

So let’s talk about that kind of intimacy:

• What everyday moments make you feel closest to someone?
• What kinds of things feel unexpectedly intimate to you?
• Has your idea of intimacy shifted as you’ve gotten older or more comfortable with yourself?

No pressure to be poetic or profound. I was thinking about this last night while binge-watching TV with my husband, just that absolute sense of comfort and intimacy you feel with someone who knows when you need a snack, or a blanket. Or in my case, when I walk into the kitchen and know his water bottle needs to be refilled, and doing it. That kind of stuff.

[JonnyR]

Well, when my father passed away, at his funeral, I spoke - and thinking through it - I definitely saw him as one of my "soulmates" on this planet.

I described times when he was just working on the car in the garage, and I'd go outside and just spend time with him -- no talking, or really doing anything, just watching him work on the car and being in his presence.

That memory reflects with me to this day as one of the most intimate that I'd spend with my dad in silence, but powerfully.

There are many memories that I have similar to those with other people in my life, that are irreplaceable, but seemed so simple at the time.

[atskitty2]

I think this sort of emotional intimacy has always been more important to me than the physical intimacy of sex. Sex is important, but I don't think it's ever been as meaningful for me without the emotional connection.

My partner and I have a closer bond emotionally than I have ever experienced. I think we both feel much more safe with each other and can be open and speak our minds without having any sense that changes will occur in our relationship because of what was said. We can have deep discussions about all sorts of things, and even things we disagree on without getting angry or things getting weird. We get silly and goofy at times (mostly me) and then have philosophical and intellectual chats. There's a lot of respect built in there that means a lot to me - to be able to speak my mind and he's open to hearing it all.

And I think one of the biggest things is, like you said Alison H. about knowing the needs and seeking to meet that person's needs without them ever having to say so. He starts my coffee before he wakes me up. If he's overslept, I get his Diet Coke iced up and ready so he can get on his way. There's a real enjoyment for us to be able to help each other, rather than it being a drain. It just feels good to want to give so much to someone, and know they enjoy giving back.

[Alison H.]

It's funny how the simplest moments become the most powerful, especially in our memory. Like they were "no big deal" at the time, probably, but years later (or after they're gone), those moments were the biggest imaginable. And they are/were soulmates, I think. That's the best word to describe them.

Emotional intimacy has always been more important to me, too. Being able to be open, to just feel safe with that person no matter what. But too, there is something SO comforting about having someone who can "predict" your needs and you do the same for them, just because you know each other *that* well. It's priceless, truly.

[Acesup]

Still technically in the bedroom, but when we are lying in bed at night watching TV after what is every day a stressful day when all that is over and we don't have to do anything or worry about anything and we are just watching TV together she will subconsciously reach over and grab my arm not as intentional show of affection, but without thinking about it. Its the without thinking about just subconsciously part that makes it feel like incredible intimacy when it happens. And like sometimes when she wakes up before she is really awake and coherent she will first thing reach over and feel for me to make sure I'm there. Its almost like before she remembers how much she hates being touched and how much she hates intimacy and hates me, before she remembers all that stuff her natural instinct is to reach over for me because deep down underneath all the baggage she does love touching me and she does want that comfort and security from me. So that is great intimacy. Still in the bedroom technically but non sexual.