[Kayla1234]

Hey, ladies. I was wondering if anyone else has had the same experience. However, I was recently informed that my vaginal wall is narrow? I am assuming this means my vagina is not as stretched, as the doctor said she had to use some force whilst doing an internal examination (which bloody hurt by the way). I've also been having to use dilators as sex was a bit painful too, I then was able to go up to the correct size and work my way up to size 5, and then sex was absolutely fine.. I have heard sex is not meant to be painful but how can I relax myself? and then obviously during lockdown I stopped using my dilators, so I'm assuming this means it's strinked again? Since then I have been having this crazy urge to want to go and pee.. has anyone else experienced this issue? I've recently resumed the use of dilators but on a small size now. By the way, I have no uti, saw a gynecologist and have had a cystoscopy; nothing appears to be wrong internally.

[Alison H.]

Hi Kayla,

I wonder if not using dilators for a while caused it to relapse, OR if the stress over the idea of experiencing pain during penetration might somehow be causing that condition to flare back up?

The mind is a very powerful thing and if we expect pain or discomfort (or think we'll likely experience it during penetration), our vaginal muscles will tense in response — which then creates the pain and discomfort we feared.

Was there a reason you stopped using the dilators during the pandemic (was that doctor-led in an office or something you did at home by yourself)?

Did you have any issue with this prior to when the doctor had to "use some force" during an internal examination? I only ask because I'm wondering if THAT experience could have had an impact on penetration going forward.

I've experienced issues with vaginal tightness (I've had two episiotomies, the second being for a 4th-degree tear, which took a great deal of time to recover from) but even now, almost 18 years later, I still experience issues now and again with penetration being painful (at first) and tightness.

Lubricant helps, but as far as relaxation goes (and I don't know how much this might help), I try to push "outward" when something pushes in, if that makes sense. Kind of like bearing down, in a way — almost like a reverse Kegal (instead of tightening the muscle and pulling inward, I loosen it and push outward, kind of like what you would do when peeing, almost).

It's kind of hard to explain and I'm not sure if I'm doing that well.

[Kayla1234]

Hi Alison H.

Thank you so much for your reply.

I truly believe it is a relapse. Covid was a really terrible moment for us all, but especially for my partner because his father died, and I was also coping with guilt for not being able to please my husband after such a long period.

To answer your question, I do it myself at home and did really well the last time, but I'm finding it harder to get it in now; it could be that I haven't done it in a long time and that's why, but I experienced a bit of discomfort today when pushing it in, and I don't want to give up.

It's just all getting to me now as I want to have kids and I'm scared our relationship won't work in the long run.

I hope you're getting on ok yourself and what you said makes complete sense. I might try this out- does it seem to help?

Kind regards

K x

[Kayla1234]

My experience was past trauma unfortunately. The dilators had once worked but I gave up I think after covid because of lockdown etc