[Toni]

I've been single for a long time. LOVED every moment it. I thought there wasn't going to be anybody for a long time thats going to get me to settle down. Until I met my boyfriend. We haven't been dating for long, but I'm really happy with him. There are lots and lots of people that are surprised I settled down. I'm at the top of that list. I met him, and I stopped wanting to date anyone else. Its weird for me, but I like him a lot.

Anyways, this is kind of awkward for me, but I don't have anyone else to talk to about this, so I'm really sorry I'm burdening you ladies with it

Ok, last night we went out to dinner, and we got back to his place, and we finished watching a movie. After the movie we started making out so we went up to his room. In there we were messing around. But he was having a bit of trouble getting hard. So, long story short, we ended up just getting dressed and he showed me some of his guns (He's a sheriff deputy lol).
He walked me out and I just went home. It was kind of early, but he had to get up early for work, and I live about 25 miles away, plus, I didn't really want to be there when his roommate came home.

So this morning, around 11, I sent him a text telling him that the L.A auto show is going on this weekend to see if he wanted to go on Sunday, he's HUGE on cars. Its 8:10 pm and he hasn't responded yet.
Usually he responds within a few minutes, or if its about cars, he'll call to tell me to get tickets for us.
Nothing yet.

That wasn't the first time we had sex. The first time, he kind of had the same problem, but he was able to perform. The second time was very smooth actually.

The thing is, even he could never have sex again, I don't care. I just want to be with him. We're so great together. Now I'm worried that he's going to let what happened last night get in between us.
Do you guys think he's just embarrassed?
He shouldn't be, I don't care about that.
What do you ladies think?
And if there are any guys that read this.. PLEASE throw in your two cents too.

I think I'm going to be that old crazy cat lady from the Simpsons when I'm older. And I'm actually completely fine with it lol.

[Joy]

well if you are fine with him not being able to get hard ( cause you know its not you its obviously a health issue) then make sure you tell him that in most kindess caring way. Let him know he is not just a penis to you but a whole person who you love. Let him know you accept him.

sure he is probably embarrassed a bit he is a man and they tend to think highly and a lot of their "junk". Make sure he sees a dr.

[Toni]

Thanks Joy :c)

I have no idea how I could even phrase that.
I'm not a shy person, I'm actually pretty blunt and straightforward, but with a subject so sensitive, I wouldn't know how to say or even when to say it.
I'm not going to bother him, I'm just going to wait for him to contact me.
As a very subtle way of showing I do care about him, i changed my myspace default photo to one of me and him. And I know he saw it because he signed on a little while ago. Cheesy, I know. lol

[WildChild]

Just because he doesn't instantly text you back doesn't mean anything. He could be on the phone, he could be in the middle of something that isn't interruptable, he could be driving, he could just need to think about it.

You haven't been seeing each other long and this has happened twice? Don't worry about it yet. The two of you should have some conversation about what turns you on, want you like and don't like sexually, do this when you aren't being intimate. He could be tired, stressed, a little nervous, had a bit too much to drink. Does he take any meds? There's a lot of possiblities. Everybody get hung up about women not being into sex but men are prone to 'mechanical' difficulties too and sometimes those are emotionally based. You haven't said how old he is either, we assume the two of you are on the younger side? If the problem continues he should get in for a physical but for his continued health he should anyway.

[Guest]

toni it could be several things.
but i am willing to bet the ranch its the "couldnt perform" thing.
beleive it or not us guys have a lot pressure on our shoulders. one thing is our performance. along with size, comumunications, love and so much more.
yes it all goes with that good ol word "confidence" but there is alot of pressure.

i had this friend who claimed to love this guy, praised him and said all good things about him. they finally had sex and she broke it off b/c he wasnt big enough in her eyes. she flat out told me size and sex is all that matters to her.
then their are women who like you just said that you wouldnt care if you never had sex again. well the same goes for us guys.
its just the way people are.
but as for you, you just told me that you are one of the true normal people who think with your heart and would be their for someone no matter what. and not that kind of person who is with someone for material, superficial things. you told me that you are a true person................. pat on the back to you.....

be patient with him, but you both need to confront this matter and see what the problem is. ifit is that he cant get hard or stay hard, go to a dr and see what can be the problem. it can be that he needs viagra or some other pill. it can be something mentally blocking him, or maybe he needs porn to get a jump start. many reason are out their and have to be found. but you need to talk to him and be gentle with the conversation as it is a deligate matter for alot of guys.
just be glad yo found a guy that you really love, because love is hard to find.

[Guest]

i am willing to bet the ranch its the "couldnt perform" thing.

Same here, and I speak from my own feelings too.
I would be bumed out if that happen to me on a new relationship and I'm not trying to sterotype here but he is a Deputy and his not performing as well as he believes he can could put a real damper on his male ego. He probably performs very well in many other things, right? Hmmmm!
It's a real heart felt disappointment.

I too give you much credit on you effort on trying to make something happen that brings in the whole relationship. Like it was said if you can find the right time to tell him and let him know how you really feel about it then it will go along way on getting him to ease up and relax. This, in the long run, short run will help him perform.

[Toni]

Its not that he didn't instantly text me back that has me sad, its that now he's avoiding me. I mean I texted him about cars! He's the type that if his house was on fire, he'd get his cars out before he woke up his roommates (his words). Its why his roommates went and got smoke alarms for their rooms.

Oh, our ages... I'm 24, and he's 26.
JWB_pof, I could never understand how someone could leave a great guy because of something so minuscule (no pun intended, lol).

This is the email I sent him last night before I went to bed:
you sir have been on my mind today.
I hope you don't feel awkward, or upset, or let what happened last night bother you in any way.
I like you. and even if we never had sex again, I wouldn't care as long as I still get those cute little kisses <3

he hasn't responded yet, but probably only because he works early morning shifts.
Grrrrrrr, this actually upsets me, I hate being so freakin girlie, but I'm just trying to be supportive I've been playing the field for so long, I forgot what its like to genuinely care about someone.
I guess I never have to worry about him cheating, eh? Haha, oh, bad joke, Toni.

[Phoebee]

Men simply don't get the importance of phoning or texting and thats really all I can say about it. I makes me insane but... What can you do?

As to the sexual health stuff. He needs to see a doctor about it period. I've gone through this with my DH and its fraught with landmines. Men think its all a failure of their manlyness or whatever and we probably take it as rejection. Its really (honest) NEITHER!

Its a health issue. Men don't just loose the ability to get erect unless there is a problem. And the problem can range from really serious bad news stuff to simple stuff like meds he takes that are goofing him up.

Tell him that you would like sex with him. He does NOT need to hear you don't care about intercourse. TRUST ME. Thats the kiss of death to a relationship with most men.

Tell him you've been doing some reading and understand that ED is a common problem and that you want to explore some options because your into him and want a more physical relationship. THEN tell him how important it is to find out the cause because it "can" be a serious problem that ought not be ignored.

- P

[Guest]

As to the sexual health stuff. He needs to see a doctor about it period. I've gone through this with my DH and its fraught with landmines. Men think its all a failure of their manlyness or whatever and we probably take it as rejection. Its really (honest) NEITHER!

Phoebee I respect your opinion, I really do but as a man I have to disagree with it has to be a health issue, it could be, yes, I would not exclude that.

I was in the Navy for 9 yrs. and believe me I did not sit still.........there were times (few) I simply could not perform.......... to me, for no reason what so ever, but it happened, nervousness or what I don't really know looking back now. I was, how can I say it,,,,,,,,,,,,,lets say very healthy!

[Toni]

Urgh.
now I remember why I chose to stay single

I've never been on this side before. Its always the guy that gets mad at me for not returning a call. I'm getting a taste of my own medicine, now I realize how jerk it is to do that to people. I feel like calling every guy I did that too and apologizing lol

He works with my sister, she said he was on her computer checking his email, and myspace and stuff (he patrols, but my sister works in the building where he reports to).
She saw him reading an email from me (she doesn't know whats going on, it was her computer and she just glanced at my name on her screen)... So, I know he got it, would be nice to get some sort of response but I didn't.

This isn't me. I don't chase guys. The balls entirely in his court now. I'm not gonna call/email/text or whatever.
We'll see how it works out. It kinda hurts.
Maybe it is me. Oh well.