[lime_lemur]

I admit I can be a bit of a mom when it comes to my boyfriend. I make him do his laundry and dishes etc (but in the end he thanks me.) It sounds dorky, but I watch for his safety too.. he can be a little "out there."

Personally, I'm very against drugs and drinking. I've never tried a single thing in my life (not to mention I'm only 20.) He had only ever tried marijuanna and alcohol once before I met him, and he said none of it had an effect on him. That alone scared me, because I figured that if he tried it again, he might do too much of it to try to "get something" out of it. I begged him never to try any of it again, and I was really proud of him never accepting an offer in my presence. But I didn't realize that when I wasn't there, he tried anything his roomate offered him... I got really upset when he told me the smell on his breath was licorice, and then his roomate told me about a licorice smelling alcohol he bought.

I decided to stop controlling him and let him smoke something in my presence... he ended up choking and coughing. It worried me.

Part of me says this isn't a very serious issue and I should let him do what he wants. Another part of me worries about him getting too confident, and "trying" more and more.

I realize that other people our age are WAY way worse.. but he's still not even 21. Should I keep being a mom and make sure he stays out of trouble, or should I just let him do this thing?

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Ok, I'll give you the short response and I'm just about to walk out of the door.

Mother him and lose him. Control him and lose him.

Don't worry too much, people take loads of drugs and alcohol all the time and survive - the problem is only really ever in the long term rather than the short term. If he's responsible he should be able to experiment freely and to be honest grow as a person, find himself, and become wiser.

But then I probably take enough drugs for you to consider me as a degenerate, so why should you listen to me.

[ChristinaAnn2008]

The alcohol isn't so much as a problem.. as long he is in a safe place drinking it... the drugs.. is a big issue.. it tends to lead to more potent drugs... and the more he smokes the stronger the urge to need it.. which means its more costly as well.. and with that money he could be spending it on you... make you happy and that makes him happy instead of him being selfish and just making himself happy...


I hope I was a help.

[bprwatson]

I say leave him alone. You cant force your beliefs on him. From your post it sounds like all he's doing is drinking and smoking???

Im the same as you in that i've never done any type of drug or even tasted alcohol, i feel strongly about it as well. That being said, i don't expect everyone to feel the same as me. I'm married but if i were single and my SO drank or smoked, well thats THEIR choice to make, not mine. If this is something you feel really strongly about maybe its time to move on and find someone that shares the same view as you.

If he were into illegal drugs i would say thats more of a problem, but even then you could not make him give them up. Its a choice he has to make for himself.

[Little]

Smoke cigarettes or smoke weed? One is obviously more illegal than the other, but the illegal one is probably much healthier. I'd kick either guy to the curb, personally, because I don't dig tobacco breath or illegal things. If pot were legal, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Probably wouldn't do it myself, but that's just how I am ... I don't even smoke hookah.
Is there some facet of his personality that makes you feel like he is going to lose control? Has he been addicted to something else previously? Is there a history of addiction or abuse in his family?
But certainly, don't try to control him. If you're morally and fundamentally against alcohol or drugs, then tell him so. If he keeps on doing them, break up with him. But there's a distinct difference between telling him you're going to break up with him if he smokes/drinks (manipulation) or just leaving because it's a deal-breaker (making sure you can be happy in a relationship.) You DO deserve to be happy, as does he ... you deserve a boyfriend who does not drink or smoke and he deserves to drink or smoke if he so chooses. You're between a rock and a hard place.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

and with that money he could be spending it on you...

The whole of your post is rubbish, but I just thought I'd highlight this sentence. IF SOMEONE HAS A HOBBY THAT COSTS MONEY YOU DON'T DUMP THEM BECAUSE THEY AREN'T BUYING YOU STUFF, GOLDDIGGER.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

ChristinaAnn2008
The alcohol isn't so much as a problem.. as long he is in a safe place drinking it... the drugs.. is a big issue.. it tends to lead to more potent drugs... and the more he smokes the stronger the urge to need it..

Actually, the alcohol "is a problem", as much as drugs because both can become an addiction and therefore, whilst I get what you are saying, you are thinking soft drugs can lead to "harder drugs" not necessarily, but I do agree the more you "do something" the more you become addicted to it, in most cases... More so if you are at a very low point in your life, therefore one or the other or both becomes an escape.

"Drugs are not a hobby" in my opinion, that's my personal opinion.. Can't see your point there Anon.

Comments about "buying for me" well I can see where you are thinking there, perhaps she mean't "us" instead....

CW

[damd]

If alcohol and drugs is an issue for you, then you should not have to lower your standards to accomidate sthe person you are with. Sorry, if my wife all of a sudden started drinking and using drugs her and I would have a whole lot to talk about.

[happy ending]

let him off the leash a bit sweetie, you're not his mother, let him make his own mistakes. you're both very young, smoking is awful, but it doesnt sound like he will stick with it anyway and a few drinks wont kill anyone (unless you drive) maybe your attitude is aggravating the issue. either let him be or let him be free!

[Guest]

let him off the leash a bit sweetie, you're not his mother, let him make his own mistakes. you're both very young, smoking is awful, but it doesnt sound like he will stick with it anyway and a few drinks wont kill anyone (unless you drive) maybe your attitude is aggravating the issue. either let him be or let him be free!

I have to agree here...I am a recovering Alcoholic of 7 yrs...I found booze at a really low point in my llife and well dove in head first in for about 2 yrs...Then woke up one day and said "no more"...haven't drank since!

BUT!!!..There are patterns to a person who is on there way to being an adict...I get the feeling that he has never tried these things before and well, curiousity is always going to kill the cat...

I think, IMHO, all that needs to happen is a sit down with him saying "hey look I understand you are trying this stuff out, you know how I feel about it but I am willing to compromise a little here as long as you do not abuse it"..Meaning telll him to have his exploration but put it in it's place and keep it there....If he can't or won't then I would have to agree with(I think it was damd) that said there would be a whole lot more to talk about!