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Difficulty in "complimenting" a woman

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  • Difficulty in "complimenting" a woman

    I met a really attractive and intelligent woman at a party a few weeks ago. It was a public event at an art gallery. She was a high school teacher in her early thirties. We had been talking for a good half hour and really seemed to be hitting it off. We had even made tentative plans to meet for coffee sometime.

    Then, things suddenly went downhill. I commented that she had a "nice, full, hourglass figure". I thought she would take it as a compliment but instead she became deeply offended. She snapped, "Oh really....well perhaps I should do some plus size modeling!" I went into damage control mode and tried to clarify my comments but I think I only exacerbated things when I used the term "healthy". With a look of complete disgust, she slapped my face and departed.

    I will never forget those agonizing moments in the immediate aftermath, as I was standing there alone rubbing my cheek. Needless to say, it was not my proudest moment, LOL.

    She had the classic figure of a 50's pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted "hourglass" as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

    When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman's figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?

  • I think that complimenting women is a waste of time. They'll either keep pushing you to elaborate 'what exactly about my posture do you like?' or take it the wrong way and get offended. Either way, you, as the man, lose.

    So don't bother. Hey, women prefer s anyway.


    • She had the classic figure of a 50's pinup - large bust, narrow waist, shapely hips/legs. I guess she had interpreted "hourglass" as meaning big/overweight/full figured. I just thought it meant shapely and well proportioned.

      When I told a female friend about this she shook her head and said it was never a good idea to comment on a woman's figure, even if I thought it was complimentary. What do you think about this?
      Let me see, he's cute, seems to have a few interests that I have, nice voice, smile and coffee one day? Mmm ok, I'll give it a go, he's interested in me...

      "Nice Hour Glass Figure" mmm love to get my mouth around those boobs....

      WT" - Typical, only interested in my body...



      We're used to being sex objects "only".... nice eyes, nice top, so your an arty person, that speaks intelligence. Nothing about bodies until you've felt it and want to compliment what you "have".....


      • Thanks for the great feedback but I have one quick question. What do CW and WT mean?


        • CW= Chandler's Wish and
          WT= What the ... ? (We don't allow profanity )
          Anon has a point about people taking compliments wrong, even if he uses hyperbole to say it :P Sometimes it's better to stick with nonspecific words like "nice," "cute," "good." You started off well with "Your figure is nice" but you got a little too specific. She doesn't sound like a woman you'd want to date anyhow! So uptight.
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          • HAHAHAHA!!!! im so sorry!! i cant help but laugh. that was a funny story. i cant believe she hit you!!! i dont know, it didnt sound that bad to me. some women are jsut like that i guess? if it were me, i dont think i would have taken offense to that, but you better just play it safe from now on and not say things like that. you dont want any more red cheeks!!!


            • I think a man that appreciates curves, hourglass has to tread carefully when complimenting these particular features. Many women love their curves in all the right places and are proud to have a womanly body, some may feel insecure and take your 'compliment' as a backhanded stab and them not being rail-thin.

              I agree with CW and stick to the compliments that show you are interested in more than just the body when first meeting someone. Even if someone takes the comment positively they still may think you are viewing them as a piece of meat.
              Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.


              • No REAL woman wants to be picked up on her body..if you are looking for a relationship then ya i agree with CW, you need to stick with giving compliments on intelligence and personality..maybe tell her she has pretty eyes or a gorgeous smile, to let her know that you aren't just viewing her body. Make her feel safe and secure in your presence. Then, like CW says, compliment the body only when she lets you touch it.


                • bwahahaha. Classic.

                  I have a rule never to compliment a girl until after sex... but even then, its sparse.

                  Best not to compliment them fulls stop,. at least not the traditional way. It will almost come across as shallow and alterior and also, hey most secure people don't take compliments well, especially empty ones - which is what they usually are on a date "your hair is nice!" "oooh, i like your necklace" etc.. etc... I mean you can do it, but it has to come across sincere.

                  Usually my "compliments" are purely sexual as I am purely sexual, in the vain of "god, i'm trying so hard not to jump you right now," and most of this sexual intent is communicated via bod language

                  Remember almost 87% of communication is non-verbal. Act like ya heard!


                  • Oh goodness, most women love compliments! It's a matter of what is appropriate and when. At first meeting comments on her body or looks can be iffy, better to stick to something like, you really enjoyed meeting her and would a chance to chat somemore and get better aquainted. Or you could make a comment about something safer than her figure, like her eyes, voice or hands - something that strikes you and isn't quite so personal.


                    • awe! LOL. i do admit that is a good story. i wonder who else saw at the party.

                      anyhoo!... i must say when meeting a chick for the first time i don't think you would want her to know that you're checking her out in that way. focus! lol. maybe next time if you catch yourself doing that, or if you already said it. try to turn it into a joke. if she's a keeper she'll probably laugh. but if she gets all uptight then you probably don't want to date her anyway.

                      good luck!


                      • I love being told I am sexy and someone loves my curves...FROM MY BOYFRIEND WHO HAS SEEN ME NAKED!!! If someone said that to me at an art thing that I had just met, I don't think I would slap, but I would probably immediately forget about the ham I left in the oven.

                        You shouldn't say anything about her body until you are actually physical, or almost physical with her. Even if you call her "pretty" you are treading on some pretty thin ice. And it isn't that we don't want to be attractive or pretty, it's just that we are conditioned that men only want one thing, and immediately reach for the pepper spray if we think they are going to try to take it (even though we wear skirts, heels, makeup, v-necks with lots of clevage, and so on).

                        Appreciate her body, but keep your thoughts to yourself until you have earned the right to touch it, make mental notes. And next time you feel like you have to comment on the hourglass figure, try doing a comparitive compliment like "Has anyone ever told you that you look like...." and fill in the blank with an icon like Bettie Page or Marilyn, it's a safer way to go about it


                        • Good advice nsharonew but the analogies can get iffy in todays world, Marilyn was beefy by current runway standards (although slender compared to today's actual).There was movie were on of the guy's lines was to tell the girl she looked like a Botticelli, until he encountered one who was familiar with Botticelli's work and informed that all his women were vollumptuous and she wasn't.

                          Compliments need to be real. This is a long standing problem, Jane Austin's Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudist admits to pre-preparing, "little compliments, such as would be acceptable to the ladies". A male neighbor I ran into the other day at the grocery told me, "you look fantastic today", that was nice to hear. It was general enough not to be misunderstood. Part of a compliment is non verbal, I just chuckle when I'm shopping, head up an aisle and see the men up ahead sucking in their guts and standing up straighter. That's a compliment, even if they don't realize they did it. LOL


                          • yeah I'd have to advise not to be that specific, complementing looks the first time you meet someone is a little weird, or so I think.



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